grade my essay, PLEASE!

<p>I am kinda frustrated by my essay scores… I got 7 on the ACT and 9 on the SAT X_X</p>

<p>This one has been polished… I am not sure if I addressed the question… IMPROVEMENTS? SUGGESTIONS? Thanks in advance!!</p>

<p>Are bad choices & good choices equally likely to have negative consequences?</p>

<pre><code> When the successful billionaires, entrepreneurs, presidents or company pioneers share their words of wisdom, making the “right choice” always seems like an imperative component to their success. Has the route to wealth, happiness and satisfaction finally been discovered? Unfortunately, no. Due to the complexity of events, we cannot accurately evaluate whether a decision is “good” or “bad” until after we have seen its consequences, as demonstrated by Henchard in The Mayor of Casterbridge.
Originally a “nobody,” Henchard begins as a jobless wonderer, traveling with his wife and baby daughter to seek employment as a hay-trusser. On the road, he auctions off his wife and child for five guineas after becoming intoxicated. Pausing here, one would condemn him for making such an imperious, intractable mistake that would separate him from his beloved blood relations. However, instead of ruining his life, his seemingly horrendous decision spurred a chain of positive transformations. When he becomes sober, he sternly vowed to avert liquors for 20 years. Furthermore, his remorse and guilt drove him to suppress his former hot-temper and to work arduously. Ultimately, Henchard’s “bad” decision woke him up from his slum, and catalyzed his determination that led him to be a wealthy corn merchant and the mayor of the town.
After gaining money and achieving fame, Henchard made another life altering decision. Upon stumbling into a Scottman, Farfrae, who could resolve the bread crisis in town, Henchard beseeched the young man to serve as his manager and regulate the corn trade. Although the business boomed under Farfrae’s directions, Henchard fired Farfrae who gained popularity among the townsmen due to his charismatic charm, suave personality and sincere attitude. In a bitter attempt to cut his rival from the business completely, Henchard invests in an enormous amount of corn, and goes bankrupted due to unfavorable weather. On the contrary, Farfrae rises to prominences and replaces Henchard as the monopolist of corn trade and the mayor of the town. Unpredictably, this seemingly prudent move to hire a competent manager led Henchard to his downfall.
Because of the versatility of events, whether a choice is “good” or “bad” cannot be judged until the clouds have cleared.
</code></pre>

<p>Sorry, not experienced enough to grade your essay, but could you tell me what the SAT essay grade is out of? I thought 9 was the max?</p>

<p>12 is the max for the SAT</p>

<p>sadly, they are both out of 12 =(</p>

<p>8/12. You need to use the examples better than just telling a story. The conclusion is also not balanced.</p>

<p>I feel as if you’re telling a story, as opposed to provide examples to fortify your thesis.</p>

<p>= / how can i use examples better?</p>

<p>Eck! You seem to to have thrown in all this unnecessary verbosity and it makes your essay seem rather awkwardly written. Don’t throw in random vocab words when a simpler one is better suited. Read your essay out loud (or in your head); you want it to have flow and eloquence rather than pomp and sesquipedalism (<— see that word? TOTALLY USELESS!).</p>

<p>Also, you focused far too much on one example, and droned on and on and on about it. If you want to write 2 paragraphs on but one piece, make sure that most of it isn’t narration!</p>

<p>thanks for the constructive comments!! i thought the narration/plot would serve as EVIDENCE to prove my point. I think i overdid it = /</p>

<p>I didn’t get a 12 like everyone else here did, but I think I’ll go a bit more in-depth than my last post.</p>

<p>A plot summary doesn’t provide conclusive evidence to back up your thesis. Specific examples do. By writing a summary of the events of your example, you are running out of time as well as space for writing how to prove your thesis.</p>

<p>Max score of 9 is for AP English isn’t it?</p>

<p>yea, its 9 for AP.
gerrr thanks for the suggestions!! I will try again = /</p>