Grade My Essay, Please!

[rockermcr]

<p>This is from one of the practice tests in the Barron’s book.</p>

<p>Statement:

The novelist John Hensey wrote, “Learning starts with failure; the first failure is the beginning of education.”

</p>

<p>What are your thoughts on the idea that failure is necessary for education to take place?</p>

<p>Essay:</p>

<p>

Failure is essential to all learning. Though it may seem like failure does nothing but hinder one’s acquisition of knowledge, it is quite the contrary. Failure comes in many forms, all of which will eventually be beneficial to the individual experiencing them. Thomas Edison, a much celebrated American inventor; Ernest Hemingway’s The Old Man and the Sea; and the development of a human from birth to adulthood provide evidence to support my argument.</p>

<p>Thomas Alva Edison, a 19th century American inventor, most famous for his creation of the incandescent light bulb, one states that “genius is one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration.” This quote implies that genius comes from hard work, and hard work rarely comes without failure. In fact, many consider hard work to be the courage to continue even once struck with failure. In his quest for the invention of the light bulb, Edison failed numerous times. Each time, he learned from his mistakes and eventually succeeded.</p>

<p>In Hemingway’s The Old Man and the Sea, a novella about Santiago, an old Cuban fisherman, and his quest to catch a legendary marlin, provides an excellent example of success achieved because of failure. Santiago spent his entire life fishing, constantly looking to catch the biggest fish in the ocean. As he aged, the amount of fish he caught lessened until he began to go months without catching a single fish. He persevered and tried to discover what was causing his constant failure, when he caught the gigantic marlin. Though sharks ate it on the way back to shore, ant nothing more was left of it than a skeleton, he went fishing once again the next day. Santiago never once considered quitting, even when his failure was never-ending, which ultimately led to his greatest feat of all: the capture of the legendary marlin.</p>

<p>The development of a human being supports the claim that failure is at the heart of all learning. As a baby begins to grow, it experiences countless failures that all eventually help it. Early on, when a toddler begins to walk, it will fall numerous times before finally learning to walk properly. By teaching it how not to walk, failure teaches the child how to walk. Human life is plagued with such failures (a failed relationship leading to a good one, a horrible experience leading to a much better similar experience, etc.). Failures show people their mistakes, the awareness of which promotes learning and leads to success.</p>

<p>Failure has always been a part of every aspect of life, from birth onwards. It is present in the sciences, as Thomas Edison experiences, and even in modern literature, as The Old Man and the Sea shows us. Failure, a part of human nature, is just that: Something we could not live without. We learn when we fail, and to repeat a common saying, “if at first you don’t succeed, try again.”

</p>

<p>So, what do you think? :)</p>

[zoaxanthellae]

<p>IMO, 11-12. I thought the examples were all strong and well-developed, and the essay was clear and persuasive. The only qualm I have is, you seem to have a lot of very long sentences, in which you have a lot of commas, much like this one. There are also a few grammatical errors like, “It is present in the sciences, as Thomas Edison experiences”. But these may be typos, and even if they aren’t, the essay as a whole is good.</p>

[rockermcr]

<p>Thanks for the input!</p>

<p>Yeah, long sentences have always been a problem of mine. And the error you pointed out isn’t a typo, unfortunately. I make mistakes like that when I write quickly. That’s another thing I’m working on.</p>

[anhtimmy]

<p>pretty good, an 11 from me</p>

[rockermcr]

<p>Thanks! My initial scores were around 6-8, so I’m glad I’m finally improving.</p>

[uttaresh]

<p>An 11 from me, you could’ve avoided repeating a few words… but a very good essay nevertheless! :)</p>

[SkyHigh]

<p>I want to give a 12 but I know a perfect score is hard to obtain so I give you a 11. This is a very good essay for me, I like the structure and the examples are insightful. By far this might be the best SAT essay I read in this forum, although I read less than 20 essays.</p>

[rockermcr]

<p>Wow, thanks so much!</p>

[Mike41691]

<p>I would have given you a 12, but with the SCD(Standard Canadian Deduction) I have to give you an 8.</p>

[rockermcr]

<p>Hahaha. You’re not supposed to leave the Watering Hole, Mike.</p>

[Mike41691]

<p>I venture out every now and again.</p>

[Ren_the_SAT_er]

<p>nice i’d say =P 11 or 12 =P
are u following grammatix’s essay writing techniques??
really i think that was a good essay =P
very persuasive =D</p>

[rockermcr]

<p>I only use Grammatix’s technique for the introduction (notice the “though…” formation in the second sentence), but that’s basically all I got from prep books.</p>

[danny411]

<p>this was done in 25 mins ? </p>

<p>This one looks really polished. </p>

<p>This was the way you wrote it in on paper ?</p>

<p>Good example from life. Bike,skating, swinging bats, or shooting etc. </p>

<p>what exactly did Edison learn? He had to build the correct filament that would last long and burn bright…he made a carbon filament and shaped it…over and over and over…</p>

<p>what did the fisherman learn? He went out alone and caught the largest fish ever…then it was eaten so he had no proof “the one that got away”–did he learn persistence or did he lie?–</p>

<p>So why does a baby learn to walk by falling down? He learns to coordinate his limbs and to deal with gravity to balance.</p>

<p>Masterfully written but wordy…Never in my life could i write something so polished.</p>

<p>12/12–</p>

[lovelylin]

<p>you gotta be kidding me this essay was one of the sample essays</p>

[todpose]

<p>

you gotta be kidding me this essay was one of the sample essays

rockermcr tricked you all… lol</p>

[rockermcr]

<p>No, this isn’t a sample essay. At least post a link to wherever else you claim to have seen it.</p>

[Lord_Ernie]

<p>I used that Edison example on the december essay. I’m not saying what that was of course :P</p>

[hoangho]

<p>wow. I will give 12 for this essay. Better than many essays in the Barron’s books</p>