Grade my essay, please

<p>I’m not too sure anybody’s gonna respond to this, but whatever… i’m taking a gamble.</p>

<p>PROMPT
Should heroes be defined as people who say what they think when we ourselves lack the courage to say it? Plan and write an essay in which you…</p>

<p>The meaning of the term, “hero” is constantly evolving and society’s beliefs behind the term reflect that evolution. What was once a word that drew images of power, strength, and dominance into our minds, heroes are now becoming everyday figures. Instead of labeling the word onto flying men who save pedstrians from monsters, society now correctly labels the word oftentimes onto people who outwardly express their opinions in an age muddled with secrets, lies, and deceit. The novel, Franny and Zooey, along with Hollywood star Lucille Ball support representations of “heroes” who say what they think.</p>

<p>J.D. Salinger’s Franny and Zooey is a novel which consists of several characters who desire to break out of society’s mold of conformity. The title character, Zooey, is known to be a brightly articulate and outspoken gentleman; throughout the novel, he tries to pinpoint the root of his sister, Franny’s, nervous breakdown. While Franny’s mother desperately attempts to heal Franny’s breakdown through nice, calming language, Zooey lets loose on a rampage detailing all of Franny’s actual problems, which he believes have led to her breakdown. By stating his opinions clearly, he leads to Franny’s realization of her ultimately problematic life and her newfound attempts to fix those problems; Zooey acts as the story’s hero.</p>

<p>Lucille Ball, the star of the enormously popular sitcom, “I Love Lucy,” also expressed her inner thoughts and in turn, became a hero. Before production of I Love Lucy, CBS officials did not allow her husband, who she wanted to work with, to be her television partner because of his Cuban descent. Lucy denouced this opinion and crusaded against the network officials to ultimately get her real-life husband to become her television husband. Unbeknowst to the public, her personality of “saying what she thought” was what eventually led her and her husband to become icons and heroes.</p>

<h2>Through the examples of Franny and Zooey and Lucille Ball, one can realize that many times, heroes are defined as people who outwawrdly express their opinions. By expressing their beliefs, they break themselves from the mold of ordinary people, becoming heros in their respects.</h2>

<p>I freaking love whoever’s willing to grade this… I already posted this on another thread and somebody gave it a 9/10ish</p>

<p>I would agree with the 9/10 score. I would suggest using one more example. Also, you need to really clearly state your thesis in the first paragraph. I know what your answer to the prompt is by reading the last sentence in paragraph one. Mysterytutor.com suggests making your first sentence a very clear thesis statement. For instance, you could start your essay with “Heros are those who state what they think, while we ourselves lack the courage to do so.” The people who actually read and score the SAT essays spend very little time doing so. It is important to make your answer to the prompt very obvious. I also think your conclusion could be a little stronger. I don’t like the wording of the last sentence.</p>

<p>By the way, I loved Franny and Zooey, and I am a big Lucille Ball fan, too.</p>

<p>haha, that’s awesome that you read Franny and Zooey!
Thanks for your advice; so would you think that my intro could be shorter and more to-the-point?</p>

<p>I guess sentence number 3 in the opening paragraph is where you answer the prompt (your thesis statement). The sentence is a little complicated and not to the point. Make your answer obvious. Make your intro very clear. Have one sentence that obviously and directly answers the prompt. Check out this site for great advice…at least I think it is great: [3-7:</a> The Structure Of Your Response](<a href=“http://www.mysterytutor.com/2008/05/3-7-structure-of-your-response.html]3-7:”>http://www.mysterytutor.com/2008/05/3-7-structure-of-your-response.html)</p>

<p>definitely not a 10. your sentences are too flowery and long… making them confusing. just get to the point.</p>

<p>8 +/- 1</p>

<p>11 or 12. Good Job…</p>