Grade my Essay Prompt: Should society be criticized for being too materialistic?

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<p>Prompt: Should society be criticized for being too materialistic?</p>

<p>For centuries, humans have always suffered from paucity in their desires. In the modern, industrial world, however, we have managed to fulfill those desires a thousand times over. Out of this grows our disgusting habit of materialism, an ostentatious display of how debased we are as a people. Society should be condemned for its vile materialistic behavior, as showcased in our spectacle of grandeur called Black Friday and our obsession with credit cards.
The fourth Thursday of every November in the United States is marked by Thanksgiving, a day when we as a society get together and be thankful of our good fortune and livelihood. It couldn’t be more hypocritical that less than six hours later, society gleefully cheers on our manufactured corporate holiday, Black Friday. Right after being thankful for what they have, millions of Americans wait in line to purchase toys and electronics at low prices. Black Friday has come to represent the endless consumerism that powers America, our insatiable greed and desire for material goods. Such gaudy and selfish behavior is disgusting and repulsive.
Yet another symbol of the relentless materialistic behavior of society is the overuse of credit cards. The plastic demons serve to chain us to the corporate mantra of planned obsolescence, driving the societal pressure to constantly purchase new things. This endless cycle of using credit cards to fulfill our desires to acquire inane and useless items in order to keep up with the Joneses has only managed to cripple us as a society, as now the average American has an average of $10,000 in credit card debt. There is no one to blame but society itself for helping to construct this vile monstrosity.
As a people and a society, we have allowed materialism to ingrain itself into a part of our being, to consume us and fill us in a manner unlike anything else. This ghastly habit has served nothing but evil and must be condemned by the people for the sake of us and our future. </p>

<p>Thanks for your help in advance.</p>

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<p>There’s nothing fundamentally wrong with the basic structure…you address the question and you provide examples along with some reasoning. However, you don’t always explain your claims.</p>

<p>You misuse quite a few words. Also, your tone is judgmental rather than objective or analytical.</p>

<p>Overall, this is probably a four but you’re the kind of kid who could get to a five or six with relative ease.</p>

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<p>Thanks for your reply.</p>