Grade my essay?

<p>Prompt: Is conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame, or power?</p>

<p>For some inexplicable reason, the human race has always been characterized as motivated by money, fame, power, or any other materialistic quality. This, however, is not close to true, as the power of the human heart and conscience takes control over money, fame, or power, shown by Varian Fry, George Orwell’s 1984, and Steve Jobs.</p>

<p>By the mid-1940s, Hitler had taken control of Germany and was well into his Nazi takeover of Europe. He was killing anybody he did not approve of, mainly Jews, and the world just sat still, witnessing the atrocities. Varian Fry, however, did not. He, a native of New Jersey, took it upon himself to save as many of Europe’s most talented people as he could. In France, he established a villa where artists could stay in safety. It was a place of refuge, and many of Europe’s greatest artists called it home, including Pablo Picasso, Vincent van Gogh, and Louis Pasteur, who won a Nobel Prize in 1962 for his work in the field of biology. These pe9ople he brought to safety did not pay him. His name is still relatively unknown. Varian Fry, rescuer of over 2,000, was motivated completely by his conscience.</p>

<p>George Orwell’s dystopina novel 1984 also shows the power of the human conscience. In Winston’s world, Big Brother is completely oppressive. In fact, it is nearly a carbon copy of Nazi Germany. The government watches everything and controls all of its people, brainwashing them into believe that it is beneficial to them. Winston, without the allure of money, fame, or power, knows this is wrong. He joins the Brotherhood to help bring down Big Brother’s Party, motivated solely by his conscience, as fame, power, and money were impossible to achieve in this society.</p>

<p>Steven Jobs is yet another example of the human conscience’s immense motivational power. In 1972, he dropped out of Reed College in order to start up a company, Macintosh, for the good of the people. The citizens of the United States did not have user-friendly electronics, so he took it upon himself to provide them. At the time, this industry was not lucrative, so money was not his main motivation. Furthermore, now the he is, in fact, making millions, he has reduced his salary to a single US dollar, knowing it was the right thing to do. Motivated by his conscience, Jobs has built a user-friendly, philanthropic, booming company.</p>

<p>After a careful analysis of Varian Fry’s brave actions, Orwell’s novel 1984, and Steve Jobs’ success, it is clear that conscience is, indeed, a better motivator than money, fame, or power.</p>

<p>nice essay
but a 1 sentence conclusion…?</p>

<p>There were no more lines left on the paper</p>

<p>Sent from my DROID2 using CC App</p>

<p>well,I think it is great.I appreciate especially the 4th paragraph illustrating Steve Jobs’s example ,which incorporated some nice words.
But what is inappropriate is that your lack of conclusion and raise-up-topic sentences</p>