Grade my essay?

<p>This is in response to the topic provided by the College Board Blue Book, Practice Test 2:</p>

<p>Is knowledge beneficial or can it be a burden?</p>

<p>Curiosity is an innate characteristic of human beings. Our senses–hearing, seeing and touching allow us to new things–an exhilarating experience. Unfortunately, in the modern world, learning through a first-hand experience is rare. This is because people in the modern world too often rush into knowing, rather than taking the time to experience our world’s phenomena on their own. At school for instance, we are forced to stock up on knowledge and accept society’s perception of truth, rather than experiencing things first-hand to discover our own.
In my AP Biology class this year, I gained a great deal of knowledge about life sciences, but because most of the learning was from memorizing hundreds of pages of text, my curiosity about these topics is still unfulfilled. According to cellular respiration, a topic that we studied in class, when we run low on oxygen, our bodies convert pyruvate into lactic acid. I felt sophisticated to have learned this, but the truth is, I’m not fascinated because I’ven ever experienced this “truth” on my own. For what reason do I have to consider this the truth when I’ve never experienced it for myself?
Months after I learned about cellular respiration in AP Biology, I finally got to realize my own truth of how cells respire when they run out of oxygen. In the spring, I joined the school’s track team. From the vast amount of running, I often became sore and out of breath. However, after the pain, I realized that I became stronger and my legs felt firmer. From then on, I understood that whenever my body runs out of oxygen, I will feel pain that will lead to stronger muscles. I was fascinated–this was something sophisticated that I was able to learn through my own senses.
Unfortunately, the amount of knowledge we have is used as way of comparing one another, and so students are forced to digest heaps amount of information, before seeing the truth for themselves. If I wasn’t rushed to learn about lactic acid fermentation, I would have eventually found out this fact of life on my own. However, I was forced to learn this process in words I didn’t fully understand, but believed as the truth because the textbook said it was.
It is burdensome to “gain knowledge” by studying for so long, and yet never fully understanding the point of what we “learned.” However, in society, how much we know is used as a means of competition, and so we do have to rush and learn material before we experience them. If knowledge wasn’t a competition, we’d have the chance to experience things for ourselves, and learn ideas more profoundly.</p>

<p>Your essay is not really on topic. You wrote about the best way to gain knowledge. How does that relate to the question of whether or not knowledge is a burden?</p>

<p>An idea has two parts: a subject and a predicate. The prompt is an idea to which you must respond. That means you must deal with the entire idea, both the subject (knowledge) and the predicate (is a burden.) You wrote about the same subject as the prompt, but not the same predicate.</p>

<p>Of course there are other problems as well. Some I think are typos, others are problems with sentence structures. All in all, I think you have some work to do. 6/12</p>

<p>Thank you!!</p>