Grade my essay

<p>So idk if I should be talking about the Newton Shootings. But if I shouldn’t please tell me!!</p>

<p>I didn’t mean to offend anyone. If I do, I am deeply sorry :(</p>

<p>QUESTION: IS SOCIETY’S ADMIRATION FOR FAMOUS PEOPLE BENEFICIAL OR HARMFUL?</p>

<p>Society’s admiration for famous people is most certainly harmful towards ourselves, others, and everyone in general. Celebrities have turned people into sensations that persuade the average person to complete similar feats as those plastered on the television. Several examples that show this idea can be found in recent media and a comical television series.</p>

<p>To start off, many oblivious people to follow the celebrities’ harmful steps. For example, many high schoolers believe that getting drunk or smoking is “cool” because their idols, like Lindsay Lohan or O.J. Simpson, did it before. Because of that attraction towards famous people, people would complete these actions without thinking twice of their consequences. Since I am a high schooler, I constantly hear these stories while passing by them or sitting next to them in class. As a result of their mindless following of famous celebrities, students around the world are placing others in danger. Thus, famous people persuade their followers to complete illegal and, often time, harmful acts to themselves and others around them. </p>

<p>Another example can be found in recent news media about the speculation on the Newton Shooting. A week before Christmas, a 20ish year old man named Adam Lanza walked into a peaceful community and opened fire on young children in a school. A lot of speculation has arisen to why he shot 20 innocent people. One theory was he wanted the fame. Recent shootings almost always cause nationwide publicity. For example, the Aurora shooting news coverage lasted more than a month. The Virginia Tech massacre’s lasted years. Apparently, he also wanted to become famous as well. Although he isn’t really usually considered a “celebrity”, he is, however, a famous person. Because he followed the footsteps of another famous person maybe, James Eagan Holmes, it caused the death and emotionally instability of many people of all ages. Thus, people’s admiration for celebrity could be the cause of deaths. </p>

<p>In one episode of Futurama, it conveyed a moral and theme about public’s intense admiration for celebrities. Bender, one of the main protagonist, became a paparazzi photographer, which, as a result, means he needs to take pictures of famous people doing illegal actions for the public to know. On one of his missions, it was to take a picture of a very famous actor, Baghead, who is iconically known to have, well as literally written, a bag on his head. When Bender successfully took the picture, he noticed that any human who sees it will instantly become deflated. In the end, the viewers learn that Baghead jumps around planets to feed off of the public’s mindless obsession with celebrities. Therefore, even in fiction, people’s relentless admiration with celebrities cause downfalls to the human race.</p>

<p>After a close analysis of high school, news reports, and television series, it is obvious that the populous’s admiration with celebrities and famous people is downright dangerous and deadly. Our lifeforms are sucked right out of us by Baghead. Massacre shooters killed 20 innocent teachers and students in a elementary school. And high schooler’s theology of “You Only Live Once” is seriously going out of hand.</p>

<p>HEY?</p>

<p>hello?</p>

<p>Your best paragraph is the Futurama one. It has your true voice which is what all the graders look for. The other paragraphs are okay but in my opinion have too many unecessary words and lacks voice. GL.</p>

<p>So like a 7? </p>

<p>And thanks for the grade!</p>

<p>I come from the land of really-harsh-English-teachers. A few things…

  1. Always use third person pov; it’s more formal.
  2. Don’t use “to start off” or other “gaudy” transitions. Try a lead in or a more sophisticated transition word!
  3. You didn’t closely analyze your examples. Who can closely analyze examples in a SAT essay. You only have 25min to write this thing!
  4. Don’t put anything new in the conclusion paragraph. I think you were trying to expand there but it came off more as including more examples. Here’s some advice I found useful: <a href=“http://www.fas.harvard.edu/~wricntr/documents/Conclusions.html[/url]”>http://www.fas.harvard.edu/~wricntr/documents/Conclusions.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Good luck! :)</p>

<p>dude thanks!</p>

<p>I’ll try to start using gaudy transitions from now on. If you could, can you please grade my newly posted essay? I used gaudy intros since I didn’t read your post before writing my essay.</p>

<p>Also what grade? </p>

<p>Thanks! :)</p>