Grade my essay

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Hey I’m a non-english speaker taking the SAT’s for the third time this October. Please help me grade this essay and get some ideas of what should I work on. This practise is taken from Mcgraw Hill’s book:</p>

<p>Do modern means of communication make our society better or worse?</p>

<p>Twenty years ago global communication was possible by television and newspapers only. Since using phones for international calls was very expensive and the aforesaid media are one sided, there was not an effective tool to enable flux of ideas between people in different countries. Today, however, people use social networks and internet forums to publish their ideas and share share opinions. Thereby, modern means of communication have definitely improved our society.</p>

<p>The great muslim uprisings in Egypt, Lybia and Syria, knwon as The Arab Spring, shows how usage of social networks can inspire people to make a change. Throgh groups on Facebook, social activists in Arab Regimes incited millions to join a certain cause; they also schedules their first riots in forums and websites to attract people. Such major changes, like the government replacement in Lybia, would never happen if not for the internent.</p>

<p>Social improvements are not marked by great coups only; even in domestic and parochial life modern communication gave it’s touch. Parents use online discussions to deliberate on children education and to solve their household conflicts. There are hundreds of topics diversing from animal rights to ginger’s protests on which everyone can learn and teach, all through online forums and websites. The internet had made decision making easier and reduced the mistakes people usually do without previous knowledge.</p>

<p>Modern means of communication have bettered society to a rate nobody imagined twenty years ago. Proper usage of social tools has enabled cooperation between people all over the world. Now the everyone can step in an abundance of information in a click.</p>

2

<p>they also schedules their first riots</p>

<p>Well isn’t that nice…you may want to reconsider your phrasing here as some people might not consider violence to be a positive consequence of online communication.</p>

<p>The essay itself is a three/four split. With the exception of a couple parts, it sounds natural and unforced. You have a main idea and you support it.</p>

<p>However, it’s a little short. You cite effective examples (except maybe the one I cited above), but you don’t really comment on their significance.</p>

3

<p>very helpful, thank you. I should have really phrased it differently.
think if I would add a sentence to clarify my examples’ significance (although I think the second example is better explained than the first one) and maybe add another example-paragraph, could it be a hard 5?</p>

4

<p>if I would add a sentence to clarify my examples’ significance (although I think the second example is better explained than the first one) and maybe add another example-paragraph, could it be a hard 5</p>

<p>Doing what you suggest above is probably a good start.</p>

<p>However, getting from a three/four split to a “hard 5” requires more than just following one or two directions or taking one or two steps.</p>

<p>The most concise suggestion I can give you is that upper-half essays tell me something I didn’t already know.</p>

<p>Please read the paper I’ve linked below. It is NOT perfect, but I want you to compare what he does to what you do.</p>

<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1546787-please-grade-improve-my-essay.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1546787-please-grade-improve-my-essay.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Rather than thinking about essay writing, just start thinking…period. (That didn’t come out quite the way I meant, but hopefully you understand.)</p>

5

<p>got it, thank you again</p>