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<p>Assignment: What is your view of the claim that the greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves? In an essay, support your position by discussing an example (or examples) from literature, the arts, science and technology, history, current events, or your own experience or observation. </p>

<pre><code> The idea that the greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves seems strange and unrealistic - why would we want to create pain and grief for ourselves? However, this does often take place, as current events and literature show. The examples of the current economic crisis and Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby prove this point.

The current economic crisis is an example of how we as a society have created one of the biggest problems that our nation has ever faced. Its long term cause was the real estate boom, which society caused. As people started to buy fancier and fancier houses and took out more and more loans in this process, the real estate market became very prosperous. However, because its foundation consisted of huge loans that many people couldn’t pay off, it was inevitable that the housing market would crash, which it did. The real estate boom and its subsequent collapse was caused by society, because it was lots of individuals who took out loans that they couldn’t afford. Therefore, we caused our own “grief” in the form of the current economic crisis.

Causing our own griefs is prevalent not only in current events, but also in literature. In Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby, the eponymous Jay Gatsby makes a lot of unnecessary grief for himself by spending 4 long years pursuing his long lost love, Daisy, whom he isn’t even sure loves him anymore. This turns out to be true because when he eventually finds her, Gatsby discovers that Daisy has married another man. One would think that Gatsby would cut his losses and stop there, but he does the opposite. Upon finding Daisy married, he still tries to woo her over but fails. This failure causes Gatsby a lot of disappointment and also indirectly leads to his death. Gatsby’s conscious decision to continue pursuing Daisy, even though eh knew, deep down, that he would fail, is an example of how as humans, the greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves, because Gatsby’s failure caused him a lot of grief.

In conclusion, although it may seem strange, the greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves, as the examples of the current economic crisis and The Great Gatsby show. Only if we work together will we be able to overcome this major societal fault.
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<p>Thank you!</p>

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<p>you have 2 strong and very well supported points. i would say that this is in the 5-6 range (out of 6) but it would be a definite 6 if you were to add a 3rd point to prove your thesis. SATs scorers like a 5 paragraph essay.</p>

3

<p>I would give it a 4-5. Starting off a in conclusion seems to weak and having a short, and feeble conclusion IMO doesn’t give that “6” look.</p>

4

<p>I would give it a 4 or a 5 at the most, the introduction is quite weak, and the same goes for the conclusion. </p>

<p>@katelynC91, SAT scorers do not like a five paragraph essay because there is no way that you can fully develop five paragraphs on two pages. I have a friend who wrote with an intro paragraph, one example, and a closing paragraph and pulled a 12.</p>

5

<p>Thanks so much for your input!</p>

<p>@rrchen and Indianjatt - how do you guys suggest improving the intro and conclusion?</p>

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<p>Your intro has the right idea - it’s an effective strategy to show why the opposing point of view seems plausible and then go on to prove the exact opposite. But you make the transition hastily. Your first sentence sets you up, but you need to come out with a strong thesis that clearly states why what you said in your first sentence is wrong. As it is now, your thesis is the sentence, “this does often take place” - not very informative or convincing. You don’t need to give everything away in your introduction, but you need to hint at where you are going in the rest of the paper.</p>

<p>If I were rewriting it, I might do something like this (keeping your first sentence and the overall gist intact): </p>

<p>“The idea that the greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves seems strange and unrealistic - why would we want to create pain and grief for ourselves? We tend to blame most of our troubles on outside forces beyond our control. But very often, quite the contrary is true. Many of the misfortunes we blame on others are actually the result of our own negligence and poor decisions. As seen in the current economic crisis and Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby, our greatest griefs are the ones we cause ourselves.”</p>

<p>That could definitely be improved upon, but it sets up your argument and gives the reader something to anticipate in the rest of your essay. Just my 2 cents.</p>