Grade my essay

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>This is my first SAT essay. I pm’ed a few people asking them to grade it so if you were one of those people you don’t have to post here again lol.</p>

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<p>The essay prompt/question had something to do with this quote (the question beneath it is not exact, it’s all i can remember lol, it was probably worded differently):

“Trials, temptations, disappointments - all these are helps instead of hindrances, if one uses them rightly. They not only test the fiber of character but strengthen it. Every conquering temptation represents a new fund of moral energy.”*</p>

<p>Do you think one needs to go through trials, temptations, and disappointments in order to become a stronger person?**</p>

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<p>Trials, temptations, and disappointments are necessary stepping stones on one’s path to becoming a stronger person. Although these troubles can have a detrimental, temporary effect on the person, if conquered correctly they will provide great fortitude. This success is exhibited abundantly throughout society in novels like Huckleberry Finn, and in people like Barack Obama and Abraham Lincoln.</p>

<pre><code>To start off, in the novel of Huckleberry Finn, Jim demonstrates the overcoming of trials, temptations, and fear. With the help of his friend Huck, he eventually escapes slavery and becomes free. At times he was tempted to give up, but this temptation is what motivated him to try even harder. He knew if he gave up he would be captured and have to relinquish to his owner.

Secondly, our president Barack Obama exhibits the successful strength of overcoming adversities that could have hindered him. When he ran for election, it wasn’t the first time that an African-American was running, however, it was the first time one would win. Although many people supported his campaign, there was also a few who resented. Barack Obama overcame the resentment, and did not allow it to hinder him. His election marked the first time an African-American would ever be introduced as President in our country. This is amazing considering only fifty years ago segregation and racism were major issues!

Finally, the last person who demonstrates the ability to overcome disappointments is Abraham Lincoln. When he was elected into Congress in 1860, this was a major step in the abolition of slavery. Although he did not completely stop the force of slavery, he did put some mild restraints on it. Many Southerners who owned slaves criticized these restraints, but Lincoln did not allow them to get in the way of his goal.

In conclusion, the ability to overcome trials, temptations, and disappointments will only strengthen the fiber of one’s character. Examples of this include Jim from Huckleberry Finn, Barack Obama, and Abraham Lincoln.
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2

<p>someone grade plz</p>

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<p>Someone grade… :(</p>

4

<p>First of all, the quote doesn’t matter and you shouldn’t read it. It is a waste of time to read it or incorporate it into your essay. You should only read the question.</p>

<p>I would give this essay a 4 out of 6.</p>

<p>The first body paragraph doesn’t exhibit much critical thinking; it is just filled with plot details. You have to manipulate these details to justify your position, not just state them. The details can’t speak for themselves, or at least not if you want to get a 6 (or 12).</p>

<p>The second body paragraph doesn’t really justify the prompt. It seems forced. Political figures aren’t good examples for this prompt because they don’t show much genuineness. We do not know if Obama personally became a better person through something like “temptations” and “disappointments.”</p>

<p>The third body paragraph suffers from what the second one does, except it is worse. You have to be more specific about the disappointments. Naming a political figure’s success is hardly complimentary of his or her becoming a stronger person.</p>

<p>I’m not going to critique the concluding paragraph because it doesn’t really matter. You don’t even have to write it.</p>

<p>The best example to use for this prompt would be one from entertainment, whether it be from books, movies, T.V. shows, or the like, because fictional characters tend to always become stronger people by the end of the story. They also have to overcome some sort of personal conflict. Just think of the range of characters you could’ve written about–Spider Man (he overcame his diffidence/shyness and became a superhero), Frankenstein (he created a monster, and through hard work and having to deal with the monster’s antics, became a renowned scientist), etc. You can even make up a story.</p>

5

<p>This may sound harsh, but I’d give it a 3 out of 6. It’s difficult to tell how long it is on paper, which plays a large role in the score. But aside from that, I agree with the poster above about your first paragraph. </p>

<p>What the graders are looking for is if you tie your body paragraphs back into your thesis.</p>

<p>The first paragraph doesn’t seem to do that. For the best grade, you’d want to name something specific in the novel that tempted him, not something abstract like giving up, and by the way, that’s the wrong use of relinquish. Also, “to start off” isn’t a good transitional phrase, you’re better off with something like “first” or “the first example…”</p>

<p>Second paragraph: again, you want to be more specific, resentment is a bit vague, try to be specific, death threats, etc. Also, “there was a few resented”, make sure you proofread, and I would try to avoid personal pronouns like “our” unless you are using a personal example.</p>

<p>Third paragraph: Your example about Lincoln doesn’t show, at all, how he overcame disappointments, a good example would have been, “despite losing to Stephen Douglas in the congressional race in Illinois, Abraham Lincoln eventually went on to become President of the United States, and succeeded in his abolitionist agenda”. </p>

<p>Conclusion: you don’t want the last sentence your grader reads to be, “three examples of this are…” Structure your conclusion so you start with your examples, then finish broad by rephrasing your thesis.</p>

<p>With that said, for your first essay, it wasn’t too bad. The advice that I gave, as well as the poster above me, should have you well on your way to a 6/6</p>

6

<p>you just need a lot of specific detail to improve this really. its too general like that</p>

<p>use that how to write a 12 essay guide in another thread and pre-prepare your examples so you can have specific details to use in the paragraphs.</p>

7

<p>Thanks so much! This info will really help me out :).</p>