Grade my essay?

[Spazzy]

<p>Prompt:

Technology promises to make our lives easier, freeing up time for leisure pursuits. But the rapid pace of technological innocation and the split second processing capabilities of computers that can work virtually nonstop have made all of us feel pushed. We have adopted the relentless pace of the very machines that were supposed to simplify our lives, with the result that, whether at work or play, people do not feel like their lives have changed for the better.

Do changes that make our lives easier not necessarily make them better?

</p>

<p>My essay:

Change may be taken as a positive or negative aspect of life. Those who are resistant to change believe in the current way of life. On the other hand, advocates for change often portray change as beneficial since it makes lives easier. However, “easier” is not the equivalent of “better.” From the impact of technology to the changes in government, it is apparent that change is not always a good thing.</p>

<p>Plunging into the twenty-first century, one cannot escape the grasps of technology. New inventions have proved to make lives easier, especially machinery in factories that speed up the rate of production. Though more products can be manufactured this way, most overlook the factor of job loss. By being replaced by machines, the previous factory workers have been cut loose. The monopoly of machines over human labor cannot be depicted as beneficial for those who can no longer provide for their families. Under the guise of simplifying our lives, technology has hidden the side effects.</p>

<p>Changes in government is also inevitable. Yet the changes that make life easier for the public may not be the best idea. In 1984, George Orwell illustrates a dramatic change in government from the present one. In this changed world, life is much easier for the people. They no longer are weighed down by decisions and no longer have to worry about the future or how to survive; they just must follow “Big Brother.” In this extreme example of governmental change, life for the average citizen has become quite simple and easy. All of the complications are being dealt by the government. But this totalitarian state of ruling has the major drawback of the destruction of freedom. Winston and his fellow comrades do not have the freedom to choose their own future; they cannot even choose what is in their mind. Evidently, by changing the government to a totalitarian state in 1984, one’s life is easier, but one also loses the sense of individuality and self.</p>

<p>It is clear that “easier” and “better” do not go hand in hand in the aspect of change. From the drawbacks of technology to the regretful governmental change in 1984, change that may appear to simplify our lives may have a different agenda. The ability to change is the ability to effect lifes. Whether negative or positive, it must be taken with a grain of salt.

</p>

<p>How bad is it? Haha. Constructive criticism is loved! How can I improve?</p>

<p>Thanks so much for taking the time to read my essay!</p>

[happymunkee]

<p>umm id probably say a 7 or 8</p>

<p>“From the impact of technology to the changes in government, it is apparent that change is not always a good thing.”
you have a really weak thesis. When you don’t simply repeat what the prompt says, then you’ll get a good score. Here, you’re just saying “no” to the question they ask. Instead, CONDENSE your thesis. Easiest way to picture this is to add a “because…” or “when…” to your thesis. For instance, you would say “technology is a bad thing because the convenience it brings often presents a problem that blah blah blah” or something. Then you tie all your examples to the extension.</p>

<p>Your first paragraph is lacking in a concrete detail. Never generalize. Use examples and then explain them in depth.</p>