Grade My First Essay

<p>Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of authority?</p>

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<p>It is important to respect and revere authority, but only till the extent at which authority does not encroach upon your own freedom. A lot can be gained, including knowledge and experience, from those in higher power. But when our attitude towards authority figures shifts from one of admiration to subservience, we must begin to reconsider our actions.
The country of India had been ruled by Great Britain for almost 200 years until its eventual independence in 1947. In the early 1700s, India was barely a nation - instead it consisted of a multitude of disjointed kingdoms ruled by Maharajas. When British colonizers came to India, toting along their superior weapons and technology, all the Maharajas gave in, and India turned into one unified nation under the rule of Great Britain. For over a century, the region prospered. From its colonizers it learned new and improved methods of farming and industry, while the British were able to engage in trade of India’s exotic exports. However, approaching the 1900s, the British began to overstay their welcome. Instead of engaging in fair trade, they began to loot. India was left in shambles and disunity. They began to lose respect for what had once been a beneficial authoritative figure. After half a century of protests and bloodshed, the nation of India gained independence from an authority that had begun to encroach upon their rights and freedom.
A similar yet fictional defiance of authority occurs in the play “Othello” by William Shakespeare. Othello and his wife Desdemona live in a male-dominated European society, making Othello a figure of authority over his wife Desdemona. Both share a mutual affection for each other, and as a result, Othello defies the norm by placing his wife in a position of high regard. But when the evil Iago fabricates a story of Desdemona’s affair with the general Cassio, Othello is consumed with animalistic madness. All love and respect he had for his wife is lost as he begins to abuse his male authority and belittles and hurts Desdemona. Desdemona, as a result, goes against the social norm. In order to maintain her wellness, she flees from Othello. When the authority begins to encroach upon her personal freedom, she realizes that she must defy it.
Authoritative figures can be an excellent source of guidance and advice, possibly even affection. Yet when authority begins to overstep its bounds, when your personal freedom and wellness is harmed, it is necessary that authority be defied.</p>

<p>I would give you a total mark of 9 or 10.</p>

<p>I really like that you use restrictions in your thesis. I think most students overlook this possibility and choose one extreme or the other when developing their points of view. However, use of restrictions shows depth of thought and understanding when considering the topic in question and sets the footing for an essay that is more applicable to real life.</p>

<p>Your examples are specific and well developed, which is often an issue with students. Detail is important, however you need to put more into your introduction and conclusion. I think you can further develop your introduction and try to include a recap of your main points in your conclusion in addition to restating your thesis. You should also include introduction and conclusion sentences for each body paragraph to better tie your examples to your thesis.</p>

<p>I hope my comments are helpful. Overall, I think you did great job and this is a really strong start to SAT essay writing!</p>

<p>Thank you so much for your feedback! I’ll be honest, I’m a bit disappointed. What do you think is the distinction between my essay and a perfect 12 like this one - <a href=“Please grade essay on questioning authority - SAT Preparation - College Confidential Forums”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/857789-please-grade-essay-on-questioning-authority.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>What should I work on?</p>