<p>I would give you a total mark of 9 or 10.</p>
<p>I really like that you use restrictions in your thesis. I think most students overlook this possibility and choose one extreme or the other when developing their points of view. However, use of restrictions shows depth of thought and understanding when considering the topic in question and sets the footing for an essay that is more applicable to real life.</p>
<p>Your examples are specific and well developed, which is often an issue with students. Detail is important, however you need to put more into your introduction and conclusion. I think you can further develop your introduction and try to include a recap of your main points in your conclusion in addition to restating your thesis. You should also include introduction and conclusion sentences for each body paragraph to better tie your examples to your thesis.</p>
<p>I hope my comments are helpful. Overall, I think you did great job and this is a really strong start to SAT essay writing!</p>