Grade my SAT essay <3?

<p>Should people take actions into their own hands instead of waiting for the government?</p>

<pre><code> In life, people face numerous problems. They should take action to solve the problem rather than wait for government to solve their problems for them. Through history and literature, people have solved their own problems without the government’s help.

In history, George Washington led the American Revolutionary war against the English government. The English government imposed harsh laws on its American colonies. The people of the colony were not very happy and rebelled. It is this moment where they took actions onto their own hands. And in the end, they won the battle against the English government and successfully gained their rights. It is through them that they acquired their own freedom. When people take actions onto their own hands, they will come out with drastic change, and this drastic change will be what they always wanted.

In literature, there is a story about a boy named Zamboo who finds a cure for his mom’s sickness even though the government told him that a cure for his mom’s disease did not exist. Zamboo, knowing that he had to save his mom, opposed the government. They gave up on him but he never gave up on finding a cure for his mom. He took actions onto his own hands and defied what the government had believed. It is because of him that people of his tribe started to become more open-minded and not believe everything the government says. The government is never always right, and Zamboo proved that notion. People should never depend on the government to solve their problems, because the government is not an all-knowing god. People must have determination and take actions into their own hands.

Throughout American history, one can see that the American set of laws is always changing. This is because people or shall the writer say “citizens” take actions onto their own hands. It is because of them that the wrongs are fixed. People of the U.S. lives in the U.S., and if they see a law that taints the very justice of this nation, then they must take action to change that law. When people take action into their own hands, they solve problems that will help future generations of the U.S. The government is not always the symbol of justice. It does not know what will satisfy people of its nation. It is the people that must stand up for themselves and solve their concerns until they are truly satisfied with the U.S. set of laws.

Through history and literature, it is understandable that people must take action for themselves. It is the people that live their own lives and the government can not always solve the problems for them. If the people let the government rule, then it is a dictatorship.
</code></pre>

<p>9/12 </p>

<p>You need to improve your vocabulary for a higher score and write a stronger conclusion.</p>

<p>I didn't read the whole thing (I have to do hw now...ugh...)</p>

<p>But...after analyzing the 1st paragraph, I have the following suggestions:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Try memorizing hooks, even lame quotes are better than none.</p></li>
<li><p>Improve your diction. I know the time limit is strict, but try to make your introduction better with a little bit of more advanced vocabulary. If it's good, the grader will actually WANT to read on.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Improved paragraph (editing took about 2 min. so not perfect but that's all you can do considering the time constraints) :</p>

<p>In life, people face numerous problems. Everyone should take action to solve these problems rather than wait for government to solve their problems for them. Throughout history and literature, people have solved their own problems without the government’s assistence.</p>

<p>Final words: If you already pressured because of time, DO NOT take any consideration about what I said above. Make sure you finish the essay before editing it!!!</p>

<p>Hope this helped!</p>

<p>Good Luck!</p>

<p>i meant SCORE MY ESSAY TOO :D <3</p>

<p>You don't need to make three threads to get one essay graded.</p>

<p>um... the first one was an accident? the other 2 are different essays pfft</p>