Grade my SAT essay please?

<p>I’m using the CB Blue book, and this is the essay topic for practice test 3. Constructive criticism will be greatly appreciated! Thanks!</p>

<p>The prompt: Can knowledge be a burden rather than a benefit?</p>

<pre><code>I gaped in amazement at my friend Anna’s stash of new clothes. “This shirt is so cute! I begged my mom to buy it for me but she wouldn’t! Did it go on sale later?”
</code></pre>

<p>Anna bit her lip in a guilty manner and looked away. Instantly, I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. I wish I had avoided spending the night at her house, a night that would alter my life forever. Anna took a deep breath and exhaled, “I stole it.” With those words, my stomach lurched as if it were in quicksand; I did not utter a word. Soon, she cleared her throat and suggested we play Super Mario Brothers on the Wii, and I half-heartedly agreed. The night continued in seemingly normalcy.
After I had left the next morning, the knowledge of Anna’s shoplifting tendency still weighed heavily down on me. I truly cherished our friendship but did not condone crime either. Knowing Ms. Thompson, Anna’s mother, as a strict, morally upright woman, I was absolutely certain that she was not aware of Anna’s acts. Because of Anna’s confession to me I was now entrenched: should I follow my personal ideals and risk a friendship with one of my oldest friends/ Frustrated, I wish I had never known the truth. Without it,I would be ignorant and much happier. No longer would I have to face such a difficult,conflicting decision. The knowledge I gained tolled heavily on me, contributing to multiple sleepless nights.
Just as my knowledge of my friend’s shoplifting habits was a detriment to me, so has increased knowledge in the realm of science. Within the scientific community, cloning has been a major area of controversy since the successful cloning of Dolly. Although cloning has shown many benefits related to cell research and genetic diseases, it has proved to be an enormous burden as well. With the knowledge of cloning, scientists must decide how to use this innovative process and prevent if from spiraling out of control. Because of the ethical issue involved, cloning has not been conducted on humans. However, there is n incessant, plausible fear that cloning will be taken advantage of by a ‘mad scientist,’ per se, to create infinite and identical armies or slaves. Despite the fact that cloning is a major advancement in science, its possible consequences are onerous.
Although knowledge is power, having power can be burdensome rather than beneficial. In certain case, as exemplified in my friend’s confession and the advent of cloning, ignorance, or lack of knowledge, leads to a more blissful and less convoluted state. </p>

<p>Please grade it/tell me what you honestly think!</p>

<p>a 5 or maybe a 6. Very unorganized, the example with shoplifting doesn’t show much complexion. I really didn’t feel the essay had a purpose. It’s suppose to be argumentative, not a prose or a short story. With that being said, organize your essay better and really develop your ideas in a more pronounced manner. I really think you can write a 10+ essay, just with your vocabulary and your thought-process.</p>

<p>A 5 probably. Don’t go for a personal narrative on one event that is semi-chaotic, get two or three strong historical, literary, and modern events and prove your argument. Personal is the weakest choice so I never use a personal event.</p>

<p>Thank you for your insight. After I had reread what I wrote, I realized it was a weak and poorly written essay. Do any of you have any tips (besides straying away from personal experiences) for the SAT essay? It’s one of the hardest sections to me. (I do really well on the MC writing section, but the essay always gives me a hard time).</p>

<p>Should I try to make the intro interesting? or should I just state my position in a straightforward manner? Should the conclusion be done in the same way?</p>