Grade my SAT Essay?

<p>I have been having trouble on essay recently and was hoping if someone could grade mine in the hope that i could get an idea of what collegeboard is looking for THANKS!</p>

<p>PROMPT: What must we do to truly understand ourselves? In an essay, support your position by discussing an example(or examples) from literature, the arts, science and technology, history, current events, or your own experience.</p>

<pre><code>Over time many different philosophical practices have been developed for understanding ourselves. However, two key methods are the practice of meditation and then the practice of interactive experiences. These practices can be explained by Siddartha and his use of meditation to reach enlightenment and Carl Jung’s philosophy that interaction with others can help us understand ourselves. While both of these are popular, meditation has become more widely used throughout societies.
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<p>From devout Buddhists to soccer moms in yoga class, meditation has swept through the world as a practice of finding your inner-self. It can be said that meditation got its start with the creation of Buddhism and started to gain popularity as Buddhists spread their beliefs. As more and more saw the effects of meditation on the mind and body, it became clear it was a way to find the path to understanding themselves. When Siddartha, the founder of Buddhism, yearned to find the path to enlightment and understand himself, he tried many different practices. From, near starvation to sleep deprivation, Siddartha could not achieve his goal no matter how hard he tried. One day, as he sat under a tree contemplating different ways to achieve his enlightenment, the answer came to him. Through meditation he could feel himself understand more and more of who he was and how he functioned. After his revelation he went to all his fellow Buddhists urging them to meditate as he had, in hopes they too would find themselves and achieve true enlightenment.</p>

<p>While the solitude of meditation helped the Buddhist community, Carl Jung believed that interaction with others could help one reach self-understanding. Jung suggests that discovering faults in others can lead to unveiling faults in one’s self. Perhaps finding actions that irritate us in others can lead us to think of our own actions. Interactions with others can also lead us to recognize our positive qualities as well as the negative ones. To discover yourself you don’t necessarily have to change the good or bad, but you must recognize those traits and how they make you who you are. </p>

<p>From solo practices to interactions with multiple individuals, there are many ways to discover and understand who you are. Despite their differences, they both require you to look inward at your own actions and beliefs. The hope is that these self-reflections will lead to a better understand who you are and what you want to become.</p>

<p>9 -</p>

<p>I think your thesis should have been: "While both of these are popular, meditation has become more widely used throughout societies." The last sentence of your introductory paragraph seems tacked on as an unnecessary qualification on your ideas.</p>

<p>You provide a wealth of knowledge on meditation and Jung's philosophical doctrines. Both serve as excellent examples from, as the College Board states, "the arts" and philosophy. </p>

<p>Some grammatical errors throughout, but nothing serious enough for the reader to dock points. Good work!</p>

<p>I would give this a 10 or 11. You were well in-depth in your essay given the time and you managed to always point to the topic. Just work A LITTLE BIT on your intro. Your thesis should be the second to the last sentence in your intro. The last sentence about meditation being more popular should go in your second paragraph... perhaps even starting with that sentence for your meditation paragraph as it would transition well from paragraph to paragraph and also links very well to your present first sentence of the meditation paragraph. </p>

<p>Very solid essay :)</p>