<p>Can happiness be achieved without peace?
The presumption that happiness can be achieved without peace is false. Even if one is happy without peace then it will not be self lasting happiness, soon there will be lots and lots of sadness in his/her life. In most situations, one will find out that happiness without peace does not last for more time as the happiness achieved with peace would last.
A prominent archetype is the current situation of Gaza, Palestine. Gaza was attacked by Israel and there many innocent people were killed. The purpose of Israel was to destroy tunnels, created by the people of Gaza, which could be used to enter Israel. This ferocious war, started by Israel, ended up in killing many Muslims of Palestine. Homes were destroyed by the Israeli drones. Families were ripped apart. Children did not know whether they would return alive home from school. It was a total disaster for the people of Gaza. There was no peace at all. In a situation like this, no one can be happy until and unless there is no peace.
Another paradgim that prominently displays that happiness cannot be achieved without peace is described in Ahmed Nadeem’s ‘Beau Chant’. In this book, the main character, Sophie, was diagnosed for depression. She remained unhappy all the time due to her husband, who never stopped beating her. He used to beat her on many little things. For example if she broke a cup, he would beat her, if she forgot something, he would beat her. Sophie’s life was full of depression because there was no peace in her life. Had there been peace in her life, she would have been happy and nothing would have happened to her.
Even in my life, there were many places where I was unhappy and that was only because there was no peace in my life. During my school life I used to fight with my school friends a lot and used to get unhappy after doing so. I never listened to my parents and now I regret it because I live in another country now and they live in another. I never got the time to spend time with my parents because of my hubris, which I regret now. It brings be back to the point that there can be no happiness without peace.
In summation, the notion that happiness can be achieved by peace is a fallacy that will often end in failure. It is only by peace through which happiness can be achieved . </p>
Ok, it’s not an impressive essay and it contains a lot of grammar errors. Apart from that, remember that CB doesn’t like passive voice, so change the sentences in which you used it. Also, the vocabulary is quite vague (he would beat her is repeated many times). The transitions are very short (even in my life,). They are easy to enlarge. The introduction is a repetition of a sentence with the same meaning. Many you could state the examples in the introduction. The conclusion is also bad. In fact, you should NEVER start your conclusion with in summation (what should be in summary). All in all, I believe your score is a 3 or a 2 of 6. It depends on how the grader is feeling. Maybe 5 out of 12.
I don’t necessarily agree with that. It’s obviously around 2 pages, so that a positive. But your essay isn’t thoughtful at all, and filled with a lot of broad generalizations. The way you use SAT vocabulary words is not impressive, really. And your conclusion is marred by not only the “in summation” but by the lackluster closing sentence. You should never speak directly to the reader (“it brings me back to the point”) so that’s also unfortunate. But overall, I think it would earn about a 6 or 7 out of 12.
Okay. You didn’t use enough big words or complex sentence constructs. The SAT aren’t gonna really read essay, ut merely skim it looking to see if its organized and somewhat logical. You can substitute for logic by using huge words and sprinkling in latin phrases.
That’s what I did. I got a 12.