Grade my SAT Practice Essay?

<p>Prompt: Do people have to be highly competitive in order to succeed? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>My response:</p>

<p>While Darwin’s theory of “survival of the fittest” holds some value, people often misconstrue the term “fittest” to simply refer to brute force. However, in reality, the “fittest” and most successful individuals are often those who are simply better at avoiding conflict rather than those who posses the largest muscles. In order to be successful, a group does not need to be highly competitive, but it can instead obtain its goals through unconventional and peaceful approaches, such as the tactics used by the leaders of the Civil Rights movement, two characters from the novel Catching Fire, and Watson and Crick.</p>

<p>During the 1950s, many black Americans faced severe racial discrimination in the forms of institutionalized racism and segregation. In order to combat these obstacles, black Americans chose to use a method known as passive resistance, which calls for peaceful protests in order to achieve ones goals. Even though passive resistance is far from highly competitive, the Civil rights movement succeeded in achieving its goals, largely in part due to the effectiveness of passive resistance. </p>

<p>One can see another instance of success through a noncompetitive approach in the novel Catching Fire. In this novel, characters, both big and small, were forced to fight to the death in an enclosed arena. While some of the most ruthless and competitive contestants died off quickly because of their confrontational approaches, two characters, who were shy and enjoyed cooperating with others, were able to survive. Had these characters been highly aggressive, they probably would not have been able to survive until the end of the novel. </p>

<p>Lastly, one can see how a noncompetitive approach can lead to success in the story of Watson and Crick. During the 1950s, various scientists throughout the world were trying to discover the structure of DNA through intensive research. Watson and Crick, however, used unconventional and relaxed methods, such as casually taking strolls and using blocks to try and create a sculpture of DNA, to try and “crack the code” of DNA. Because of their unconventional and relaxed methods, Watson and Crick were the scientists who discovered the structure of DNA. If they had used aggressive researching tactics, however, they may have been unsuccessful in “breaking DNA’s code.”</p>

<p>In order to successfully achieve their goals, Watson and Crick, two characters from Catching Fire, and leaders from the Civil Rights movement used noncompetitive tactics. Had they used competitive tactics, however, those three groups may have been unsuccessful. </p>

<p>Thanks :)</p>

<p>At least an 8, maybe better. It’s clearly organized, unpretentious, and easy to read.</p>

<p>I’d like to see an example of passive resistance in the Civil rights section, and of cooperation in Catching Fire.</p>

<p>I’m concerned that you slightly switch topics in the DNA section. Your example clearly illustrates “unconventional and relaxed,” but that’s not the same as non-competitive. To get the 12, you’d have to approach this section in a totally different way, I think.</p>

<p>I would give it an 8 also. Some tips I would suggest would be to limit your example to one or two, and expand on those two. However good essay overall!!</p>

<p>Overall well written. I would watch for small grammatical or spelling errors; although one may be a typo: posses rather than possess, and ones instead of one’s. I think the Watson/crick example needs work. You portray them as relaxed and unconventional but that is not tied in with their discovery.</p>