Grade this essay please

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Here is another essay i’ve written. Any criticism is welcome. Please do grade it! I shall be grateful!</p>

<p>A mistakenly cynical view of human behavior holds that people are primarily driven by selfish
motives: the desire for wealth, for power, or, for fame. Yet history gives us many examples of
individuals who have sacrificed their own welfare for a cause or a principle that they regarded as
more important than their own lives. Conscience-that powerful inner voice that tells us what is right and what is wrong an be a more compelling force than money, power, or fame.</p>

<p>Assignment: Is conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame, or power? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>History has seen conscience as the only force that has been redundantly successful in bringing about radical changes for the better. Conscience can propel a mass movement, thus proving that it as a driving force more powerful than hunger or wealth, which induce effort only on a personal scale. Also, the respect earned and the benefits from striving for power or fame are for the individual only, not the whole society. Conscience, on the other hand, can bring about revolutions, because many times the driving force of conscience is so great that a whole society is willing to strive for a cause.</p>

<p>The French Revolution is one of the most famous causes that were driven by conscience, and had great effects. For years the French royalists were country. France was heading towards a great financial crisis and her people were fighting against starvation, while the monarch Louis XV was busy enjoying luxuries in his extravagant palace. The nation was suppressed and faced all kinds of problems like lack of food and basic necessities. In such a situation, individuals could do almost nothing to achieve wealth or power, but it was conscience that gave them realization that they were not being granted proper rights and the courage to stand up as a whole nation, overthrow the monarchy, and bring about a revolution to attain democracy. Conscience gave the whole nation a common cause to fight for, and thus they were successful in the revival of the country.</p>

<p>It can be thus seen that through conscience, great things can be achieved which an individual driven by personal motives cannot achieve. Tempting worldly desires can only result in transient success, while conscience can motivate us to attain changes that are everlasting.</p>

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<p>9-10 - a good one. i must appreciate ur diction.</p>

3

<p>Just one response…oh well!</p>

<p>Please help me!</p>

4

<p>your essay is rather short? or does it appear small because its typed? yep if i take 10 words a line, it cover one and a half sides.</p>

<p>I would say you have good vocab, just try to put in another example somewhere, with a slightly different perspective. What is a 9-10 now would be worth a 11-12 then.</p>

5

<p>Its short cuz its typed…actually its 1.5 sides.</p>

<p>I realize that another example will be helpful.</p>

<p>Thank you both for the comments…more comments and gradings are still welcome!</p>

6

<p>Please more comments!</p>

7

<p>meh, i’d go with 5 paragraphs but that’s just me. Good job though regardless, maybe a 10 probably a 9.</p>

8

<p>loool, you guys are being overly critical.
please remember that the SAT graders don’t read too critically into your essay…</p>

<p>i’d give this a 10-11.</p>

9

<p>Lets hope so!</p>

10

<p>9</p>

<p>you should give another example to illustrate your point.</p>

11

<p>as all the posters have said…you need to add another example…
also, i’m neglecting all the grammatical errors/spelling mistakes cuz that maybe happened while you were typing or something…
the one example that you did give was awesome, and another example like that would make it an 11 essay or even a 12
secondly, your diciton and vocab is top-notch but it comes accross as being forced into the essay…not necessarily a bad thing but it might be costing you precious time which would be better spent on adding another example…
thirdly, here’s an advice that i got from ppl at CC, end strong!..use a quotation if you can,…make sure you leave an impression on the reader
so i’d say this essay would probably be a 9. but not higher than that</p>

12

<p>meh,but what do i know?.:D</p>

13

<p>thanks man!</p>