Grade this essay por favor.

[LoseYourself]

<p>Hey guys! I wrote another essay and would like some criticism on it! Thanks! Also, if you haven’t, please rate and criticize my other essays.</p>

<p>Can anyone please tell me if my use of “slut” was appropriate? I believe I used it in the right context? Rip this essay into shreds!</p>

<p>Prompt:</p>

<p>

Do you believe that people need to keep secrets or do you believe that secrecy is harmful?

</p>

<p>My essay:</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>People do not need to keep secrets as secrecy is indeed harmful. Accordingly, there is often more truth than meets the eye with the common adage, “The truth will always set you free,” as once you have nothing to hide, no one other than yourself can make you feel bad. Several examples from contemporary film and history demonstrate the harmful effect of secrecy.</p>

<p>In the 2010 film, Easy A, directed by Corey Svesten, Emma Stone, the main character, shows that one miniscule and seemingly harmless secret can escalate into a catastrophe. In the beginning of the movie Stone evades a camping trip with her best friend Elise by pretending that she was on a date. When rumors spread of the date, Stone refused to reject the rumors, leading her to be the school’s notorious “slut”. Feigning her promiscuity soon leads her to pretend to have sexual relations with nerds so they have increased social status in return for material items. Eventually, she loses the love of her dreams, is ridiculed for supposedly having HIV, and is excluded by her friends, all as the result of keeping the secret that she was actually a virgin. Therefore, Stone’s story exemplifies that secrets can eventually spiral into chaos.</p>

<p>Likewise Allan, in the famous Hangover series, shows that while keeping secrets can be fun and exciting, they can also lead to absolute mayhem. In the movies, Allan places narcotics and rohyphnol in his group of friend’s drinks, all for the intention of having a good time. these antics would lead the group cause chaos in their inhibited state and lose a friend to the night of chaos. In addition, their actions almost cancel a wedding, destroy a city, and even leads to the demise of a mayor. Had Allan asked his friends for permissions before lacing their drinks with “roofies”, none of the aforementioned problems would have ever happened. thus Allen shows that secrecy is often harmful despite good intentions.</p>

<p>Similarly, the nature of inventor’s demonstrate that secrecy only harms oneself and the society. One notable example is Nicola Tesla, who solved a quantum physics problems but kept it with himself until secret for “personal reasons” until he died; the problem still has not been solved, Had Nicola Tesla published his findings of the problem, he would have accrued greater fame and our modern scientists would be one step closer to understanding the cosmos. Therefore, Nicola Tesla shows that secrecy can harm oneself and the society.</p>

<p>After careful examination of Easy A, the Hangover series, and Nicola Tesla, it indeed becomes clear that secrecy is harmful to society, oneself, and everything else. Thus, it is important to think about the good and bad implications of a secret before deciding to keep it.

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[Fat_Nerd]

<p>I’m not an expert on grading essays, but I’ll lay down a few points.
First and foremost, you made a grammatical error in the 4th paragraphy, on the third line. "One notable example is Nicola Tesla, who solved a quantum physics problems but kept it with himself until secret for ". A correction changes ‘kept it with himself’ to ‘kept it to himself’. Minor mistake, watch out next time.</p>

<p>Secondly, I didn’t find your examples very convincing to say the least. Your last paragraph however does provide a good example as to support your argument. </p>

<p>However, I do find your wide range of vocabulary commendable. Your progression of ideas was organized. A valid argument with relatively convincing examples. I grade this as a 5, out of 6. Good job.</p>

[dchau503]

<p>I agree with everything SirWanksalot said.</p>

<p>However, I felt that the third example of the scientist is weak and makes it look as if you were rushing through the essay (which you probably were). I would rather you eliminate the third example altogether and provide more depth to your conclusion or to your other examples.</p>

[LoseYourself]

<p>Rushing =/= running out of space. All is good, though. </p>

<p>Thanks you guys!</p>

<p>Can I have some more criticism por favor?</p>

[LilBallerx8]

<p>Eeek, your examples are…hehe…boderline. If you have any examples of things with sluts and/or Allan(lol), you must have another example that is boring, informative, and/or historical to counteract the impression that you’re a h*rny lil’ kid who doesn’t know what to write about.</p>

[LoseYourself]

<p>^</p>

<p>I’m not following you.</p>

[LilBallerx8]

<p>you made me waste like 3 mins of my life bro</p>

[LoseYourself]

<p>^</p>

<p>Can I please have clarification? Why do you think this essay wasted your time and what things could I do better so that it doesn’t waste your time in the future? :D</p>