<p>Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general ?
Individuals are the constituents of a community , as well as a nation . To say that individuals are not responsible for the state of their community would be foolish . In fact a person who does not try his best to help others in need should be called selfish and ignorant , as it is the individual efforts that actually solve a problem,not a bill passed by a government .
An example of such a person who contributed to his society as much as he could was Bhagath Singh . Other self reliant groups are the farming cooperatives in India . Bhagath Singh was a martyr who is an inspiration to Indians everywhere , even today . He dedicated his whole life to his country . At a young age, he ran away from home and joined the HRA party , a party dedicated to the liberation of the India . When Lala Rajpat Rai , an esteemed leader was brutally killed by British police during a riot, Singh took it on himself to avenge him . He went on to kill the person responsible for the tragic death of Lajpat Rai , and struck fear among politicians by throwing bombs in he parliament during a meeting . So strong was his passion that even when he was arrested and sentenced to death , his resolve did not falter . He went on a hunger strike for sixty three days and was ultimately hung , his death instigating the anger of the Indian people which would give them the passion needed to liberate their country . Bhagath Singh is a true example of a person who was grateful for the country and society he lived in and put his best efforts to defend it in problematic times .
Another was in which people have helped their communities instead of relying on governments can be seen from the examples of the several cooperatives that exist in Northern India . These cooperatives consist of poor men and women who combat the financial disadvantages they face by forming cooperatives (oops).The system works by people contributing money to the group which then gives it to people who need it , forming a successful process of helping those in need, while benefiting oneself as well .
From the examples given , it is clearly seen that the individual is responsible for the community he lives in . If one wants to change , he simply has to start it himself.</p>
<p>I’m not an expert in grading essay but I feel like this could earn a 4. However, I think you’re gonna need to add some more conjunctions in the first body paragraph to make it more cohesive, the sentences seem rather fragmented.
Good luck with your test !</p>
<p>Just grammar issues are apparent to me… “individual/s” and “person” are repeated a lot throughout, which is just a personal preference stylewise… there should be a comma after “an esteemed leader” in P2… Maybe split this sentence into two. “He went on a hunger strike for sixty three days and was ultimately hung , his death instigating the anger of the Indian people which would give them the passion needed to liberate their country .”</p>
<p>Good job though and good luck!</p>
<p>Thanks for the feedback !</p>