grade?

<p>take a look at this essay … what wood it grade on an sat out of 12?</p>

<p>comment and let me no</p>

<p>SAT Prompt: Is the world changing for the better?</p>

<p>Imagine a world of strict discipline and practically no independence and freedom. The way society is heading this futuristic image may become a reality. Whether or not the world is changing for the better is a topic that is widely debated. While some believe that the world is changing for the better, others disagree. I believe that the world is changing for the worse: My readings in literature, particularly Fahrenheit 451, my studies of today’s drugs, particularly Celebrex and Hydroxycut, and my observations of pop culture confirm this contention. </p>

<p>In Fahrenheit 451, by Ray Bradbury, the characters of Montag and Clarisse illustrate that the world today is changing for the worse. In his novel, Bradbury creates a fictional world where government has become totalitarian. Along with the government, the Fire Houses have also changed to parallel the autocratic form of government. The Firemen burn books to spread order and prevent “chaos”, but in reality all they do is hurt the American people. Fahrenheit 451’s autocratic government might be the future for America and even the world. In America today, free speech is overated and controlled. For example, if a student were to speak of terrorism in school, the teachers and principle would immediately assume he or she is a terrorist. Today’s America seems very similar to McCarthy’s red scare and might result in the same disasters.</p>

<p>Not only in the realm of fictional literature but also in the reality of today’s pharmaceutical companies one can see that today’s world is changing for the worse. New drugs such as Celebrex and Hydroxycut are only some of the new drugs that have been created by pharmaceutical companies. Instead of providing a healthy lifestyle, these “miracle” pills only supplement the average American’s already rapidly decreasing health. Not only do the miracle pills produce no real effect for the consumer, but they also create serious health problems. In a recent study by Life, a prestigious health related magazine, research confirmed that Hydroxycut and Celebrex can lead to serious health risks such as heart attack, stroke, and in some cases even death. This ongoing phenomena of miracle pills only illustrates the fact that the world as a whole is heading in a negative direction. </p>

<p>In addition to literature and science, today’s pop culture and Britney Spears also illustrate this point. Last week as I was purchasing produce at my local supermarket, I noticed an entertainment magazine sitting on the shelf. Instead of providing accurate information concerning important current events, the magazine’s cover read, “Britney Spears? Another Divorce…” I was shocked to see the garbage that interests Americans today. Instead of reading about world news and America’s political situation in Iraq and the Middle East, Americans obsess with the fantasized lives of washed up pop culture figures. </p>

<p>The obsessions with terroristic threats, weight-loss supplements, and pop culture all prove that the world is changing for the worse. If society continues to change in this negative direction, the integrity of future generations will be at stake.</p>

<p>9-10</p>

<p>There’s some unnecessary sentences, especially in the introduction, that scream wordiness.</p>

<p>There’s some illogical conclusions where you make a good point but draw an unsupported conclusion. Today’s outlook on terrorism is NOTHING like McCarthyism.</p>

<p>quote from intro : “Whether or not the world is changing for the better is a topic that is widely debated. While some believe that the world is changing for the better, others disagree. I believe that the world is changing for the worse”</p>

<p>this is fluff. state your point, give an anecdote and reasoning, then move on to your body paragraphs. score : 8</p>

<p>The first two sentences of your intro are worthless. Toss them.</p>

<p>You need stronger evidence and to avoid wordiness.</p>

<p>8.</p>