Grading SAT Essays

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Seeing how the March SAT is approaching faster and faster, there will be an increase in SAT essays. In this thread, the first poster will post their prompt and essay, and the second poster will grade it and give advice and then, post their essay and prompt, etc. the process then repeats itself. </p>

<p>I’ll start off.
Do people accomplish more when they are allowed to do things in their own way?</p>

<p>Everyone is unique in their own way and allowing them to face problems that is idiosyncratic to their belief will bring far more results than expected. Great heroes across history are not known for following the norms but rather known for their unique way to solve problems and bring their own sense of justice. This axiom can be explained through the words of Huckleberry Finn, the controversy surrounding Miley Cyrus, and the actions of Martin Luther King Jr. during the Civil Rights Era.
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain is a book detailing the journey of a young boy through the detestable world of slavery and how seeing things firsthand made way for a moral justification. At first, Huck is constrained by the laws of civilization and the clutches of his father, but he leaves them all behind when he comes up with a decisive plan to fake his own death. Huck is a renegade and a kindred spirit that is trying to find the answer to his moral conflict regarding slavery. By experiencing the horrors of slavery and the unjust treatment of his friend, Jim, Huck accomplished his goal of finding an answer to his question. However, this could not have happen if Huck was still restrained by his foster mother, who sought to send him to school. As shown, Huck found what he was looking for by doing things that he felt was right rather than doing things according to society.
Miley Cyrus gained revenue and money by her somewhat ‘unique’ actions. At the VMA Awards in 2013, Miley Cyrus started a huge controversy when she started to ‘twerk’ on the married superstar, Robin Thicke. This event brought the question of whether individuality should be limited or not. As written in the Constitution, every citizen has the freedom of speech and the freedom of press. Ergo, Miley Cyrus was simply doing something that she thought was right. Although twerking brought bad publicity to Miley Cyrus, her music and products escalated in profits and revenue. Whether twerking was deleterious or not does not matter because in the end, Miley’s actions led to a spike in her products and that is that.
Martin Luther King Jr. stood up for what he believed in and that is what brought equal rights for the blacks. MLK was different than the other leaders during the Civil Rights Era because he passively resisted in order to meet his goals. He went to the Capitol and recited his most famous speech, I have a Dream, in order to bring the spotlight on the injustice of the African Americans. he did things according to what he believed in and that is what led to the abolishment of segregation. No matter what people say, the people who act upon their beliefs is what drives progress of humanity.
Through the journey of Huck Finn, the actions of Miley Cyrus and the belief of MLK, it is undeniable that people accomplish more when they approach situations in their own way. Without the uniqueness of people’s actions, humanity cannot progress for the better. As the repeated axiom in this essay says, the accomplishments of great people are due to their idiosyncratic approaches. </p>

2

<p>Do people accomplish more when they are allowed to do things in their own way?</p>

<p>Life sucks.</p>

<p>Words alone cannot express the foolish extent to which people stubbornly adhere to their own preconceived notions, seemingly flawless methods and modes of action. One should not, however, fall prey to the misconception that people necessarily accomplish more when they are allowed to do as they best see fit. “Imitation precedes innovation,” so goes the saying, and only when people follow traditional beliefs, structures and rules can they attain unparalleled heights of success and maximize their full potential.</p>

<p>We need look no further than the Korean education to substantiate the aforementioned statement. Notorious for its so-called “outdated” methods of rote memorization and stringent adherence to traditional Confucianist methods of education, the education system in Korea is nevertheless one of the most successful to date such that Obama himself lauded our schooling methods. Such unparalleled success can be attributed to an almost religious devotion to the teaching methologies that currently exist rather than giving freedom to students do “things in their own way.” When students at one of many cheating SAT test prep centers in South Korea, for instance, learn how to write the essay portion of the SAT, they simply sit there and memorize a bunch of fabricated, preconstructed examples and templates given to them by unsavory teachers who probably couldn’t score an 8 themselves if they didn’t do the same. Accordingly, many of these hopeless kids who would otherwise score 3 or 4 on the essay if left to their own devices manage to pull off scores of 10 and 11 within a month! </p>

<p>Take as another great example the complete mayhem that erupts in William Golding’s classic The Lord of the Flies. An allegorical masterpiece that illustrates the inherently evil nature of man as characterized by the group of boys who resort to savagery once they are left to do as they desire, this novel depicts just how indispensable rules and a structured system of governance are to society. Left to their own devices without any concrete or enforceable rules, the otherwise civilized and well-mannered boys transform into barbaric savages who engage in murder, thievery and sadist acts. Written in a time when the world was plunged in an abyss of warfare and devastation, the novel does a great job in illustrating that humans are by nature reckless rebels who will resort to the worst evils imaginable if they are not restrained by a structured, civilized system.</p>

<p>An indisputable reality of life is that freedom to an extent is indispensable. In the final analysis, however, people do not necessarily accomplish more when they are given complete freedom to do things in their own way. As the aforementioned examples clearly illustrate, success and order stem from adherence to traditional rules and modes of governance. </p>

3

<p>@howkace: good examples, but please add better vocabulary. Some grammar errors. Vary sentence structure also.</p>

<p>Score: 8

  • Development and support of point of view: 5
  • Organization and Focus: 4
  • Grammar, Usage, and Mechanics: 4
  • Variety of Sentence Structure: 4
  • Use of Vocabulary: 3</p>

<p>@donnykim: I dare you use the SAT writing example on your essay. Your essay is obviously not fabricated, and writing that example on the real SAT essay would make them think that you are fabricating your essay, thus lowering your score. IF someone could get 10 or 11 in the essay using fabricated examples, then he could pull off at least a 5 (2 and 3 scores) using his own methods. Just my two cents. </p>

<p>Great 2nd example and vocabulary. No major grammar errors albeit some could be improved. I don’t get what’s the life sucks at the start. Definitely don’t write that at the start of the essay. </p>

<p>I don’t see how any grader could give a 6 with this essay, but a 5 is very realistic. </p>

<p>Score: 10

  • Development and support of point of view: 4
  • Organization and Focus: 5
  • Grammar, Usage, and Mechanics: 5
  • Variety of Sentence Structure: 6
  • Use of Vocabulary: 6</p>

<p>My essay:
Prompt: Is it best to determine how wise people are by how happy they are?</p>

<p>In my opinion, it is not best to determine how wise people are by how happy they are. It is possible for someone to be happy, but not wise; for example, consider happy-go-lucky people. Being wise means being able to make decisions beneficial for himself and others; and if someone is happy, there is no implication that the cause of his happiness is because of his decisions. We take a look at three examples; one from my personal experience, one from a well-known fable, and the last from history.</p>

<p>In my school, most of the students could be classified into 3 groups: one containing the people who study hard and put academics before other priorities, one containing the people who slack off at first but end up cramming when they realize their responsibilities (or when they figured out that they procrastinated too much), and the last containing the people who totally ignore their academics. I have the observed that the group that is the happiest is the last group, who totally ignore their academics. As opposed to the other 2 groups who give concern to their studies, the third group just play, chat, or watch TV for all the time they are not in school. Now, would any rational person say that the third group consists of the wisest people? No! They don’t think clearly before they neglect their responsibilities and in the long run, they will end up suffering the consequences, when they would not be able to get into a decent college thus would not get a respectable job. In contrast, the other 2 groups, especially the first group, are not that happy, though contented, with what they are doing; but in the long run, their responsibility with their academics would pay off.</p>

<p>Consider the well-known fable: “The Ant and the Grasshopper”. In this fable, there is an ant, who is hardworking while gathering food during the summer; and a grasshopper, who slacks off all summer and sings and frolics around. The ant does not really enjoy what he is doing but knows that he has to gather food or else he would starve in the winter. On the other hand, the grasshopper enjoys the summer, and ignore all advice from the ant and other insects. When the winter comes, the ant has food, thus is comfortable, while the grasshopper nearly starves to death. During the summer, it is clear that the grasshopper is happier than the ant, but does that mean that the grasshopper is wiser? Again, no! Sometimes happiness results not because of the wisdom, but because of lack of foresight.</p>

<p>Lastly, we consider the people living (or who have lived) in countries with communist governments (like North Koreans). The government fools the citizens into thinking that they have all they need, and the society can’t be better. The deception makes them happy, but can we consider the people wise? Obviously, we cannot consider the people wise because they could have done something to make their lives better, but they do not think of ways to improve their lives. In this case, their happiness / satisfaction results not because of their wisdom, but because of their lack of insightful thinking and desire to improve their lives.</p>

<p>In conclusion, it is really not best to determine how wise people are based on how happy they are. A person can be happy due to other reasons than his wisdom, like their lack of foresight or desire to improve his life. These reasons do not signify or hint that he is wise.</p>

<p>(end of essay)</p>

4

<p>@mathgeek2013 Thanks for the advice. </p>

<p>As for you,
Score: 10

  • Development and support of point of view: 6
  • Organization and Focus: 6
  • Grammar, Usage, and Mechanics: 5
  • Variety of Sentence Structure: 5
  • Use of Vocabulary: 4</p>

<p>The reason is that it’s not a 12 or a 11 is because you started the essay with “In my opinion”. Start your essay with
" it is not best to determine how wise people are by how happy they are’. then, go into examples. It shouldn’t be too hard for you to get that 12. </p>

5

<p>Great job mathgeek! You obviously don’t suffer from ADHD as I do, so the coherence in organizing and developing your ideas is pinpoint. Just need to throw in a few nice vocabularies and colorful expressions</p>

<p>Prompt: Is it best to determine how wise people are by how happy they are?</p>

<p>Handwritten in 17:51 minutes. Ran out of room for a conclusion.</p>

<p>Words alone cannot express the profound wisdom of those who have come before us – the literary giants of this world, the erudite philosophers and technological geniuses who have revolutionized history. One should not, however, fall prey to the misconception that wisdom necessarily correlates to happiness, or vice versa. “The more you know, the more you owe,” so goes the saying, and with great wisdom comes an equally great sense of responsibility to use one’s knowledge for the benefit of others, a tremendous burden that can deprive one of true happiness. Hence, the notion that it is best to determine how wise people are by how happy they are warrants a serious re-evaluation. </p>

<p>We need look no further than the life of the protaganist Jean Valjean in Victor Hugo’s classic Les Miserables to substantiate my claim. Unjustly imprisoned for 18 years, Valjean nevertheless embarks on the road to redemption upon his release from prison by undergoing a radical religious transformation and devoting his life to the service of others. The ex-convict even becomes the mayor of a small town and displays profound wisdom in revitalizing the village’s sagging beading industry and erecting a multitude of schools, orphanages and other useful facilities that completely reinvigorate the town’s economy. Nonetheless, any astute reader can recognize the constant gloom and sadness that pervades Valjean’s mind, as his newfound sense of religiosity and righteousness prompts Valjean to lament the injustices of his society. Accordingly, Valjean does not hesitate to risk his own life to help others or to rescue the estranged prostitute Fantine and her daughter Cosette, ultimately giving up his venerated position as mayor to save a man who has also been unjustly accused. Was Valjean wise in all his actions? By all means! Was he happy? I don’t think so.</p>

<p>Let us also consider the lives of real writers whose literary prowess was unparalleled but whose personal lives were wrought with grief and terrible sadness. Fyodor Dostovesky displayed tremendous wisdom in penning such literary classics as Crime and Punishment and The Brothers Karamazov, but he was also a degenerate gambler who wasted away his entire fortune at the Roulette table. Ernest Hemingway was a genius in writing The Old and the Sea with his crafty, terse prose, but even this literary innovator suffered from many mental issues such that he blew himself in the head with a shotgun. Also consider Edgar Allen Poe, the dark yet inventful poetical connossieur whose life was beset with drug abuse, incest and alcoholism.</p>

<p>As these examples vividly illustrate, wisdom bears no relation to happiness. </p>

6

<p>이 새끼들 멎지다 멎져 </p>

7

<p>고마 해라 이 새끼들아 마이 먹었다 아이가 </p>

8

<p>@donnykim:</p>

<p>Parallelism error: the literary giants of this world, the erudite philosophers and technological geniuses who have revolutionized history.</p>

<p>As these examples vividly illustrate, wisdom bears no relation to happiness: the conclusion is too strong, and you showed that wisdom does not necessarily correlate with happiness, not that there is no relation. </p>

<p>You have too many sentences that begin with a word/phrase then a comma before your sentence. Good vocabulary!</p>

<p>Score: 10

  • Development and support of point of view: 4
  • Organization and Focus: 5
  • Grammar, Usage, and Mechanics: 5
  • Variety of Sentence Structure: 5
  • Use of Vocabulary: 6</p>
9

<p>January 2014</p>

<p>Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below. </p>

<p>There are two false assumptions about experts. One is that they see more clearly and think more intelligently than ordinary citizens. Sometimes they do, sometimes not. The other false assumption is that these experts have the same interests as ordinary citizens and hold the same values. In fact, the important decisions of society are within the capability of ordinary citizens. Not only can ordinary people make their own decisions without the help of experts, but they ought to. </p>

<p>Adapted from Howard Zinn, Declarations of Independence </p>

<p>Assignment: Should people make more decisions on their own and rely less on the advice of experts? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations. </p>

<p>Words alone cannot express the extent to which glorious praise is often heaped upon those whom society labels as “experts.” One should not, however, fall prey to the misconception that all experts are necessarily trustworthy or credible. Many so-called “experts” are nothing more than fraudulent criminals who ruthlessly exploit the naivete of their victims and pass on misleading advice that can cause irreparable harm and serious repercussions. Hence, it can be said with the utmost confidence that people must indeed rely more on their own prudent judgments rather being tricked and manipulated by these shameless quacks.</p>

<p>We need look no further than the rise and fall of infamous South Korean scientist Hwang Woo Suk to substantiate the aforementioned statement. Dubbed “The Wonder Boy from SNU (Seoul National University)”, this once-prominent scientist boldly declared in 2005 that he and his team of researchers had made a remarkable breakthrough in the development of stem cells. More specifically, he asserted that he had successfully cloned the first embryos and extracted stem cells from them, an unprecedented feat that could possibly lead to cures for such debilitating diseases as Alzeihmer’s and spinal cord disorders. The entire nation naively believed this fraudulent quack simply because he was supposedly a well-respected “expert” in the field and research of stem cells, and nobody, not even the South Korean goverment, thought twice about Hwang’s credibility. Nevertheless, it was revealed not much later that Hwang had fabricated evidence, coerced members of his team to lie and done absolutely nothing noteworthy except to bring complete and utter shame, not to mention massive financial losses, to his fellow countrymen of Korea.</p>

<p>Take as another great example the endless array of academic scandals that have rocked the nation of South Korea in the past decade. In 2008, it was revealed that Shin Jeong-ah, a former art history professor, had falsified and fabricated her credentials, asserting that she had received a doctorate from Yale University. This depraved woman had been given her prestigious position at Dongguk University simply because many were gullible enough to beileve her blatant lies and rely on her reverential “Yale expertise,” when, in fact, the woman was nothing more than a former prostitute who had slept with a presidential aide to carry favors and cover up her egregious crimes. Consider also Table of the famous Korean rap group Epik High, who boldly asserted that he had graduated from Stnaford University as a literature major and often boasted of his literary prowess as a rapper on TV. The public would have even believed this deceitful fraud had he commented on the correct usage of English, because “he is supposed to be an expert in English from Stanford, is he not!?” </p>

<p>As these examples vividly illustrate, we must learn to rely more on our own astute judgment rather the misleading advice and fraudulence of experts. </p>

10

<p>Frederick Douglass once said, “If there is no struggle, there is no progress. This struggle may be a moral one, or it may be a physical one, and it may be both moral and physical, but it must be a struggle.” He was right. Progress is something that must be fought for; without conflict, progress simply does not occur.
Assignment: Does progress result only from struggle and conflict? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
Many live by the maxim that “practice makes perfect”. For many people, success does not come upon a first try, but, instead, over the course of intense trial and error. History has come to show that indeed, progress is rare upon a first attempt and can only result from struggle and conflict. In order to make progress in any field, it is important to understand that struggle and conflict are essential in the process.</p>

<pre><code>Those behind the US Women’s Rights movement of the 19th and 20th century took almost a century to achieve any sense of progress. Although contemporary society treasures and values the role of the woman, it took decades of protests, hard work, and endless court cases for the women to achieve the status that they have today. Starting with the Seneca Falls convention of 1848 in Seneca Falls, New York, women’s rights activists began to exclaim their grievances with the way in which United States society condemned any sense of liberty for women. Indeed, the women had to undertake intense and aggressive courses of action to prove their equal. Protests and picketing filled the minds of these determined young women, and it took around 70 years for them to achieve suffrage. Even with suffrage, the fight for gender equality was only half finished. Women would still need to push harder in order to prove their worth to their male counterparts. In the first and second World Wars, women went in numbers to the factories and the shipyards to fill in for their husbands and lovers who were across the world. Even with this effort, it wasn’t until the 1960’s that the women became included in the 1964 Civil Rights Act, ensuring true legislative equality for women. All in all, the struggle of gender equity in 19th and 20th century America illustrates in great detail the importance of struggle and conflict as ingredients in ultimate success.

In a similar fashion, the Civil Rights Movement of the United States during the 20th century illustrates the importance of struggle and conflict as catalysts for success. Although black men were given the right to vote in the later end of the 19th century, recognition of African-Americans as equals in society was not confirmed until the passing of the 1964 Civil Rights Act. It took years of protests, most notably under those led by Martin Luther King, Jr, in order to achieve any sense of equality. For Martin Luther King Jr, it would take endless marches, speeches, and even time spent in prison before any signs of progress manifested itself in society. The black movement and the struggles the advocates faced–extreme violence, death, prison, discrimination, all led to a greater sense of achievement as each obstacle was conquered. Martin Luther King’s resonating words of “We Will Overcome” and his “I have a dream” speech rang through the air and the advocates rejoiced in the sound of promises of freedom that were so close to being obtained. In conclusion, the obstacles that Martin Luther King Jr. and those fighting for the recognition of blacks as equals in society were essential for the advocates of the movement to prove their worth and achieve the equality that they set out for.

Some, like philosopher Karl Marx, are dogmatic in believing that history can not progress without a certain degree of struggle or conflict in society; in other words, that conflict and struggle are essential to the progression of society. Overcoming gender and race disparity both illustrate the importance of facing struggle and conflict in the grand scheme of achieving progress. Without a struggle or a conflict, without something to fight for, history stays stagnant and progress cannot be made to the same degree.
</code></pre>

11

<p>Hello Everyone (my first ever post) This is the essay from the free practice test on College Board, I was wondering if someone could grade it for me. (The college board Essay marker gave it a 10 but I’m not so sure) </p>

<p>Essay prompt; </p>

<p>A colleague of the great scientist James Watson remarked that Watson was always “lounging around, arguing about problems instead of doing experiments.” He concluded that “There is more than one way of doing good science.” It was Watson’s form of idleness, the scientist went on to say, that allowed him to solve “the greatest of all biological problems: the discovery of the structure of DNA.” It is a point worth remembering in a society overly concerned with efficiency. </p>

<p>Adapted from John C. Polanyi, “Understanding Discovery” </p>

<p>The assignment; </p>

<p>Do people accomplish more when they are allowed to do things in their own way? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations. </p>

<p>This is my Essay response; </p>

<p>I believe that there should be a certain degree of freedom and individuality in everything, to use a cliché ‘variety is the spice of life’. Every person in the world is different, there are no two people that are the same; therefore it would be ludicrous to make them carry out the lives in the same way; The education system for example many people fall through the cracks and are left behind due to them learning in a different way, E.g. Dyslexia, I’ve read that dyslexia is simply a persons inability to work in a common and conventional manner; however due to the unrelenting conformity present in the Education system in the UK, my Brother, a dyslexic, has to work one hundred times harder to achieve a good standard of learning. My point is that everybody operates in a different way and their lives should be tailored to their needs. There are many people with dyslexia that have achieved the highest level of intellect it was believed that Einstein was dyslexic and his work is still used today; so why cant we as society help them. There are however benefits to working in an identical manner, science for example, in science you need to keep everything consistent otherwise there may be an error in your discovery which could lead to catastrophic events following the use of your work. Standardised procedure is another scientific example, your work must have a standardised procedure in order for your work to be valid. You must also be wary of people claiming to think in a unordinary manner but just being idle an issue raised in the excerpt, that is another benefit of working in a similar way you know what to look for to see signs of work or lack of it, it could be seen as more efficient. If you look at ancient civilisations the Greeks and the Romans for example both advanced mankind immensely in such a short period of time. The Greeks however were much more diplomatic and theoretical thinking about problems or advanced technologies to enrich their ever growing knowledge of the universe, they are often known as the greatest thinkers in Human history. The Romans however were much more practical and designed things to work in real life and implemented these changes into their cities, they had a city wide plumbing 2000 years ago. The Romans have made so many discoveries that are still used in some manner or form today. This example is similar to James Watson’s manner of work he was a Greek a great thinker and by thinking he made arguably the greatest discovery into Human life ever made. After arguing both sides I still believe that every person should be able to work and live in which ever way suits them and that they do work better when given the choice of how to work. </p>

12

<p>@JJohnVaughan Not too bad, but definitely lots of room for improvement, IMO. </p>

<p>First off, I think that the CB would prefer you choose ONE stance and argue it through, instead of diverting your focus to two different viewpoints and elaborating on both. </p>

<p>Also, tip for next post, maybe separate your paragraphs to make it a little more organized for us readers? </p>

<p>Your examples are not bad, but you need to be more in depth. Your Greek/Roman was fine, but it feels kinda crammed into the end. CB will reward higher analysis, instead of more sparse and frequent, shallow examples (if I’m wrong, experts, please verify!). I actually wrote that essay a while ago, it wasn’t excellent, but around an 8-9 roughly. I used William Kamkwamba (African boy who defied African customs and built an electric windmall generator), Steve Jobs (can’t remember exactly why I wrote him, probably how he was a forerunner in the ‘leisure’ usage of computers), and one more example I can’t remember.</p>

<p>Overall, out of 12…I’d give you a 7+/8-. But I’m being a bit harsh.</p>

<p>Anyone for mine?</p>

<p>Prompt: Do we need other people in order to understand ourselves?</p>

<p>Essay: </p>

<p>Understanding others is the first step towards understanding yourself. Throughout history, humans who perceive and absorb the beliefs of others are more capable of developing their own moral virtues.</p>

<p>Aldous Huxley’s novel Brave New World demonstrates this. in Huxley’s ‘utopia’ dystopian society, humanity is ruled over by a means of triviality and apathy. An outcast to the social-norm, “savage” John attempts to integrate himself into the mainstream society. It is clear that, as John meets and interacts with the people of the Brave New World, he discovers more and more about himself. He develops a sense of morality, displayed when he refuses to have intercourse with Lenina Crowne on the premise that he wants a more meaningful relationship and Lenina only wants sex. John matures by the conclusion of the novel, and would not have been able to do so without first understanding Bernard Marx, Lenina, and other members of the World State society.</p>

<p>Recently, the Bernie Maddoff scandal alongside company J.P. Morgan’s blind-eye to the incident also supports the idea that humans need to understand other to understand themselves. Wall Street in itself is notorious for corruption and iconic as a symbol of the American dream of wealth. in 2007, the 65 billion dollar investment fraud through Maddoff’s firm teaches important values about the motivations and nature of humanity. Maddoff supports the Hobbes view of humans: humans naturally desire to steal and fend for themselves. Whether or not this view is true, the Madoff scandal reflects the nearly unanimous desire of people to make wealth at all costs, and disregard the welfare of others. Added onto of Maddoff’s fraud was the inability of the J.P. Morgan banking to report the ongoing fraud. The whole incident was simply “one-big-lie”, and by analyzing it, we can better understand our own motivations; motivations possibly shared with liars like Maddoff.</p>

<p>Ultimately, no matter the background, all humans share a common vestige; by being aware of others and their beliefs, individuals can approach a more comprehensive understanding of their own.</p>

13

<p>Prompt: Is success in life earned or do people succeed because they are lucky?</p>

<pre><code> Karl Popper has entirely mistaken when he included luck and success in the same the sentence. In fact, luck can yield to means of success. On the other hand, Collin Powell catapulted a straight forward piece of significant advice, which is success is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.

Santiago’s adventure is an appropriate example to Powell’s aphorism. In the great novel “The Alchemist” composed by ‘Paulo Coelho’, Santiago, the shepherd boy, desired to accomplish his for-sighted dream, which was about a treasure buried in the Pyramids of Giza. In order to succeed to gain such a fortune, Santiago followed Collin Powell’s keys to success which are preparation, when sold his sheep to have enough money for the journey, hard work, for he traveled from Andalusia to Morocco with a boat, crossed the Sahara Desert with a caravan and mastered the alchemist techniques, and learning from failure, for when his money was stolen, he learned never to trust a stranger and to keep his valuables in a safe place.

Another patron of Collin Powell was Frederick Douglass. Douglass started his journey towards prosperity when his mistress, ms. Auld, stopped being a benefactor, for she treated him as a human being and taught him how to read and write. His first step to the crest, as a child, was trading his scarce food, which was mostly bread, with books. Believing in his purpose in life, and although his ten years of captivity, Douglass became one of the most effective liberators of slavery.

Preparation, hard work, and learning from failure are the factors that allows the ship of success to sail; luck is just a gust of wind that may or may not blow.
</code></pre>

<p>Note: Plz mention any critic observations and various supporting references for the body. Thank you. </p>

14

<p>Well, there are a few mistakes here and there (‘composed’-not quite apt and ‘has’ in the first line). You seem to have used many words in the wrong context. You don’t use although the way you’ve used it. That ought to be ‘in spite of his ten years in captivity’. The sentence in Paragraph two is also rather long and convoluted. I’m a first time grader (and poster), but I liked the metaphor in the last sentence. Maybe 3.5 on 6.
Can someone grade mine?</p>

<p>The more critical reason dominates, the more impoverished life becomes. When reason is overvalued, the individual suffers a loss. Relying more on facts and rationality than on imagination and theory detracts from the quality of a person’s intellectual life.</p>

<p>Adapted from Carl Jung.</p>

<p>Assignment: Is knowing facts as important as understanding ideas and concepts? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>“ I do not believe in learning anything that can be looked up in a book,” said a little boy to his history teacher several decades ago. “Then I suppose you do not believe in education,” replied the teacher, exasperated with the boy, who he say as an insincere truant. “ I do not believe the learning of facts comprises an education,”the boy answered. Today this boy’s portraits are hung in physics labs across the globe because he grew up to be arguably the most famous icon of modern physics. His name was Albert Einstein.
Einstein’s frustration still echoes in classrooms. Although pedagogical and educational techniques have changed, rote learning is still prevalent in schools. In my opinion, it is more important to be able to comprehend concepts and apply them to a wide array of situations instead of merely mug up dates and facts. In certain situations, facts may indeed be indispensable, but one won’t go very far without a thorough understanding if all the aspects of the issue.
Creativity is that tool which embellishes a piece of work and sets it apart from other works. Scientists and engineers for instance, routinely need to use imagination in order to develop novel and pathbreaking theories. Max Planck had to take a giant leap of faith to explain the inexplicable phenomenon of black body radiation by proposing energy was emitted in discrete units called packets – a nearly blasphemous theory to most erstwhile physicists.
Understanding concepts is a necessary precursor to creativity. Facts help, but facts when coupled with imagination and out- of- the- box thinking to serve as icing are the real deal.</p>

15

<p>My first essay</p>

<p>Prompt 1
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.</p>

<p>Many people are philanthropists, giving money to those in need. And many people believe that those who are rich—those who can afford to give the most—should contribute the most to charitable organizations. Others, however, disagree. Why should those who are more fortunate than others have more of a moral obligation to help those who are less fortunate?
Assignment:
Should people who are more fortunate than others have more of a moral obligation to help those who are less fortunate? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
The rich should, although not legally bliged to do so, donate the most to charity out of moral value. Look at some of the greatest and most admired human beings, not only of today, but also of yesterday, all hoping and striving for a better, more developed tomorrow. John Smithsonian, Shelby Davis and Bill Gates are just a few of the inspiring philanthropists we have seen.
We are who we are today because of those yesterday. John Smithsonian was one man who put the city of Washington D.C on the map, not just as the capital of the country, but as one of the most renowned educational centres and knowledge hubs of the world. Smithsonian pledged $17 million for the upbringing of widespread, widely available knowledge and therefore, the Smithsonian Museums were born, providing academic data to the 1.5 million residents of D.C.
Therefore, through this example, it can be shown that whether Smithsonian was rich or poor, he did it out of the goodness of his heart. He had a moral obligation to do so.
Another rich, talented man, living today, has evolved financial aid for students attending the United States. Shelby Davis, through the Davis Scholarship, has provided scholarships ranging between 50% and 100%, to all United World College (UWC) students wishing to study in USA. Along the same lines, Mahindra United World College of India was established by Mahindra & Mahindra, a multi-national company. What’s remarkable is that all selected students can attend the college free of charge.
It can be seen that these moral acts were done because of the philanthropist’s/company’s moral obligation. Mahindra’s obligation as a well known, well established corporation required (and in this case, legally!) them to do charity work.
As demonstrated by Bill Gates, the richest man in the world (with a net worth of over $60 billion), his moral values led him to form the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, and co-establish the ‘Giving Pledge’ along with Warren Buffet. This pledge is reserved only for billionaires, and all those supporting the cause pledge to donate 50% or more of their wealth while signing the pledge or after death. Many, such as Maggie DuPont, French billionaire, have refused to sign the pledge.
It is seen that many of the richest people in the world are not willing to part with their money. What do the rich do with so much money? Many donate it out of the goodness of their heart, but we must ensure that all millionaires, billionaires, multi-national and multi-million and billion dollar companies follow their moral obligation. The rich must give back to society, as society has done so much for them!</p>

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<p>Essay Prompt
A colleague of the great scientist James Watson remarked that Watson was always “lounging around, arguing about problems instead of doing experiments.” He concluded that “There is more than one way of doing good science.” It was Watson’s form of idleness, the scientist went on to say, that allowed him to solve “the greatest of all biological problems: the discovery of the structure of DNA.” It is a point worth remembering in a society overly concerned with efficiency.</p>

<p>Adapted from John C. Polanyi, “Understanding Discovery” </p>

<p>Assignment
Do people accomplish more when they are allowed to do things in their own way? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Your Response
The " Laissez faire " leadership style has been used throughout the world centuries ago and has survived and is until now, still in use today. It is evident that the survival of this leadership style, which allows people to do as they wish as long as they have completed the task before the dead line does work in our society.This was illustrated countless number of times such as when the great scientist James Watson managed to discover the structure of DNA by simply doing as he wished. I believe that our educational system in today’s society doesn’t allow the creativity of the students in the system to be exploited and used. Our system instead teaches students to not be creative and to simply memorize things by heart. A famous quote says " You are only intelligent because you agree with what every one else says , now if you contradict what every one says then every one says you are dumb, even though you could be correct ." I have an example for that. I myself have experienced this and truly believe that I do accomplish better things when I am allowed to do it in my own way. For example, my math teacher as teaching our class how to solve quadratic equations using a method. I myself didn’t really like his method as it involved using a plethora of numbers and complicated equations. I decided to research his method on the internet to understand it better but I stumbled upon a website that suggested that my teacher’s method was a very complicated method and that there was a much simpler method of solving the equation. I followed the website’s way of solving the equation and found it much easier than my teacher’s method. I discussed it with my teacher and asked him why he did not introduce the method I saw on the internet. He told me that he himself did not personally like that method and preferred his method , but he admitted that the method I saw on the internet was perfectly correct. Due to the fact that I knew how to use that new method I could now actually solve the equations and give the correct answer. Even though every one else in my class used my teacher’s method only 75% understood it and could use it to find the answer. The other 25% were clueless on how to solve the equations. Except me, because I researched it and solved it in another way. You might be thinking to yourself that writing about how to solve an equation is not very clever but that was not the main point. The main point was that , there is not a single way to do something and that some people prefer one way of doing something whilst other people prefer an other way.At the end of the day, it should be the person who is doing the task that should choose which way suites him best ,as the person will have to use it in his/her work so it is best if the person feels comfortable and sure with his/her method.</p>