Graduate school advice? (Already at USC)

Graduate School
1

Hey guys.
So I hate admitting this. I really do. But at this point, I don’t really care. I’d rather just say what’s on my mind than not ask for help.

So I’m a graduate student at USC, and so far it’s been amazing! It’s difficult academically, but there are so many aspects about USC that make it all worth it.

The only problem is, I feel homesick a lot. Before graduate school, I went to undergrad in state, where I got to see my family, my brothers and sisters, and my pets anytime I felt like it. Now that’s not the case anymore. Just this past week, I had the WORST flu I’ve ever had. My dad is a doctor, and usually he can be there in a second and help me out. Only this time, he was 10 hours away and there was nothing he could do. I ended up having to go to the ER by myself, and it was SO scary for me for some reason.

I’m a young graduate student, and to be honest I was used to my parents doing everything for me. It’s been hard for me to adjust to little things, such as doing my own laundry, or going to the doctor to say that I’m sick, or cleaning, etc. I know these are all things that I have to do. But I’m entering my second year of grad school now… and I’m wondering when it’s going to get better. I’m going to graduate this year, and it’s not like I’m going to be able to go home to my small town. But compared to everyone else, since I didn’t “go away” to college or really challenge myself by living away from home during my undergrad years, I still feel like a sophomore in college. And right now, I just feel so far behind everyone else, and like a big baby. Academically, I can handle it. I dedicate almost all of my time to school. It’s hard sometimes, but that’s not what I’m worried about. What I’m worried about is that I’m about to graduate and get my masters degree at USC, and perhaps go onto another amazing school and get my doctorate-yet I still miss my PARENTS.

At my undergrad university, I did well academically. I was in sports, and a sorority, and was extremely social. But now whenever someone doesn’t like my idea or something in a group presentation, or when I go on a bad date, or when I get sick… I lose a lot of confidence. And just want to go home.

Has anyone else ever felt like this?
If so, what did you do?

Thanks for any help.

2

If you are looking for a symathetic ear, try the College Life forum, as there are lots of homesick students there. I guess it doesn’t matter if you are in grad school if you are still emotionally the same as the undergrads, and it does sound like so. So when I read your post, to me is: it’s about time! and thank goodness you are learning to do things for yourself and be independent. I can’t relate as my kid went to boarding school (although I got to see her more often than when she went to college on the opposite coast.) And I left home for good at 17 myself. I did go out Jr year when she had to get wisdom teeth out.

My thoughts are that if at this point you are homesick all the time still then that is an indication of a maladjustment that you could see a therapist about. To me, homesickness is something you experience occasionally. Like people are happy or sad or disgruntled, or contented or tired or energized or feeling adventurous or feeling a bit homesick. Not a permanent condition. Sure bad dates happen more often than not, so to make it a relflaction on yourself is even worse. Sounds like you need girlfriends too, do you not keep in touch? So go talk to a professional and work out what if getting in your way.

3

This is normal to a certain extent. If you are just 21 and leaving home for the first time, learning how to do new things while also beginning a stressful graduate program…that’s normal to feel a little lost and homesick. My sister is four and half years younger than me and it took her longer to learn to do the things I did in college because she lived at home. She’s almost 25 now and she’s still sort of afraid to go to the doctor on her own, or move away from my hometown. It’s not because she’s immature; in fact, she’s perfectly capable of doing these things. She just never learned to do these things on her own and my parents kind of didn’t help equip her with the life skills.

What you need to do is - this is going to sound odd - learn to be comfortable with the discomfort. When you do something for the first time - go to the doctor, do your laundry, make an appointment - it’s going to feel uncomfortable because you are stretching yourself in ways you have not before. Growth can be painful or irritating sometimes. You just have to push through it. When you feel terror for heading to the ER by yourself, remind yourself that it’s normal yo feel scared the first time you do something and push through it! Remind yourself that you will feel better on the other side. If you mess up a load of laundry (which is really difficult to do, trust me; if all else fails, wash everything on cold and don’t use bleach!), just remember that people make mistakes and it’s okay. If you burn the dinner you were preparing, laugh and order a pizza and try again later. The important part is to stay upbeat and remember that people don’t transform into Adults overnight because they hit a certain age. There’s a learning process. You started yours a little “late,” but that’s okay.

If you feel homesick all the time and you are dedicating almost all of your time to school…then I think you need to dedicate less time to school and more time to meeting friends and socializing. That’s important, too! You need to make some friends and create a little extended “family” for yourself in your grad town so you don’t feel so homesick. Take up a hobby.

And…you will always miss your parents. Eventually you will stop missing them because they do things for you, but you will miss talking to them and being with them as an adult who has a different kind of relationship with them. It doesn’t hurt as much (or really, at all) but it’s not like you ever stop wanting to see them or be around them because you’re an Adult. And you can still need them! I’m a highly independent being but my mom (a nurse) still came up to care for me when I got surgery at age 28, and I had a husband then. It was nice having her there; she helped me with the wound healing and she taught my husband to continue the care after she left.

4

btw: next year, get a flu shot at the school clinic.

5

Thank you all! You reaallllly helped me a lot!

6

I love what the above poster said about learning to feel comfortable with the discomfort. I think that’s normal. When I first got here, I was afraid to reach out to anyone to ask for advice. But now I’ve realized that expressing myself and asking for input from people has helped me tremendously. So thank you all again.