<p>For me the “who he lives with” part of it is not really relevant. I think of it like this:</p>
<p>Kid is about to graduate college. Kid does not yet have a job. Kid has spent time thinking about what city he’d like to live in (apparently not based on it being advantageous for finding a job in his field). Kid has spent time on thinking about whom he’d like to live with while jobless in that new city.</p>
<p>Kid is thinking about the wrong things. Kid should be thinking about (and acting on) how to get a job. Applying for jobs. Thinking about back-up plans for how he will support himself if it is difficult to find a job in his field. Thinking about the best place to find a job in his field.</p>
<p>Parents should be encouraging that type of thinking; not the thinking about getting an apartment with gf in a new city and how to get someone else to subsidize it. </p>
<p>When it’s hard to find a job, it’s a lot more fun to think about living arrangement. Doesn’t make it right. Priorities need a re-set here.</p>
<p>I don’t see why you think you “have to” give him a dime. I would do the same thing that my parents did for me at one point: let me live at home while I worked and saved money in order to finance moving into an apt with a friend. (I don’t agree with the idea of charging a kid rent to live at home, unless the family actually needs the money. But the kid needs to pitch in and not treat the house like a hotel and his/her mother like the maid.) I really can’t imagine funding a move to a city where no job was waiting. I can imagine LOANING the kid some money to help with the move IF there was a job. And if I did so, there would be a repayment plan, even if it were only $20 per month. My parents lent me money twice. Both times we established a payment plan upfront. It makes things much clearer for all, and lessens the possibility of resentment and misunderstanding down the road. My mother said she didn’t care if it was $5 a month, she thought that saying “Oh, pay us back when you can afford to” was a recipe for disaster.</p>
<p>I just emailed my 22 year old daughter and told her that we would be happy to help her with her first month’s rent and security deposit once she has been hired for her first job!</p>
<p>I’m a “graduate with a job” trying to convince myself I want to move somewhere else where I would have a job. I live at home with my parents currently because I was able to get a job near my hometown. I didn’t have any money when I graduated from college and have saved almost $5k in the last year. That will help me when I hopefully go off to grad school in the fall…</p>
<p>S hasn’t asked us to finance this move. He has mentioned in a phone conversation that this is what he and GF are talking about. As parents, thus far our response has been: “Hmm.” A big part of our dilemma at this point is whether: 1) we keep our mouths shut until/unless he asks us for advice or money; or 2) we start shooting some holes in this plan now without waiting for a request for advice or money.</p>
<p>S has about $1,000 in bank right now – which won’t go far if you don’t have a job and you’re putting deposits down and paying first month’s rent on a place to live (let alone signing a lease on a place without knowing exactly where – or if --you will be working). He/they very well could be thinking they need jobs before they move – or they may figure it out quickly before much more time passes. The question is whether we point these things out now or wait until asked.</p>
<p>In answer to some questions posed by CC members: 1) We cannot afford (and are not willing) to pay a year’s rent for him in Chicago if he doesn’t have a job. 2) We don’t know how GF’s parents feel about this “plan”; we know they like S and we like GF, and S and GF have discussed marriage. Also, where we live there are no jobs in S’s field. S moving back home for a significant period of time would not be a pleasant experience for him or us.</p>
<p>If the OP’s S and his GF are so motivated to get an apartment together, they should take that shared goal and apply it to finding work. No playing house with the parents’ real money.</p>
<p>ETA: Have they considered signing on with temp agencies to make money to support themselves until they find permanent work? Do they have a realistic idea of what it will cost them to live and work in Chicago? Have they <em>been</em> to Chicago? Do they have professional wardrobes, if needed? Do they have/need a car? How does the cost of commuting in from a cheaper area compare to living in the city and paying higher rent? </p>
<p>You’re right – $1k won’t go far. May be worth it to sit down with him and help him to establish a budget/savings strategy/job hunting approach if he’s home over spring break – without any mention of the GF. These are things he needs to consider and plan for as a soon-to-be-graduate, whether or not she is in the picture.</p>
<p>These kinds of questions were ongoing conversations at our house. Discuss, listen, advise. In the end, it’s up to them how they want to handle it, but it’s certainly reasonable for you to “weigh in.”</p>
<p>And no, I wouldn’t fund my kid’s move to another location without a job lined up.</p>
<p>I actually did move to Chicago after graduating because of a boyfriend who had a high paying job, and I got a job within a week and had a place to stay before I got there. It was still hard. The winters were much colder than I was used to, it is a very expensive city, and my parents gave me money as needed. Even so, I would strongly discourage my kid of 22 from moving there, with or without a job. And, my parents tried to discourage me and I went anyway and was there for 5 years until I could escape. The summer weather is also bad, but I was able to leave for a couple of months each summer.</p>
<p>whatever4: He may not have asked for money directly yet, but I would surprised if that’s not going to eventually come out or if he isn’t already assuming it. However, it is possible that he might not be expecting parents to foot the bill, but that still leaves the question how something like this will be funded. Perhaps he has no idea exactly how much such a move would cost?</p>
<p>It’s like the common mantra in the financial aid forum that parents need to be upfront with their children what the budget is from the beginning. I feel this should go beyond just college and extend into these sorts of situations as well. By taking the passive approach, it could lead to some pretty bad feelings down the road if it does not come out until the end what will and will not be funded.</p>
<p>Without you (or her parents) cosigning a lease, I don’t think they can rent an apartment. At least that is the case here. As the rental market has heated up, it is much harder to rent than it use to be.</p>
<p>Since he hasn’t asked for money, I don’t know that I would say much. If it comes up again, you might suggest that they investigate renting apartments and how that will work without jobs.</p>
<p>It is early March, there is still time to find employment. Are either them in fields that have some demand?</p>
<p>Why do you feel the need to support your college graduate? Would you have asked your parents for that kind of money when you graduated from college? My answer would be, get a job, save some money, move when YOU can afford it.</p>
<p>Sounds like everyone is on the same page. If he and his gf have lined up a temporary crashpad and are not looking to you for financial suport, then let it go (cohabitation or not). They are 22. This is their choice. If he expects any financial support from you, the time to have the “come to Jesus” talk is now. You control your own purse strings. If you choose to give him any funds (ie graduation gift in the form of green cash) that is your choice. You are not in any way, shape or form responsible for helping the gf. Good luck!</p>
<ol>
<li>Regardless of the exact nature of their plans, many college graduates need a substantial chunk of money to finance the transition to the next stage of their lives – for a car, a deposit on an apartment, furniture, business clothing, moving expenses, travel, temporary housing, food and other necessities during the weeks before a job starts, etc. Fortunately, not all of them need money for all of these things, but most will end up having to pay for at least some of these things – and they may need to shell out the money before they receive their first paycheck, even if they lined up their new job six months before graduation. Even those whose job offers included signing bonuses or relocation expenses usually can’t get the money up front because they have to be on their employer’s payroll before the checks can be issued.<br></li>
</ol>
<p>Some young people have savings that can get them through the transition; some don’t. For those who don’t, I think it is reasonable for parents to lend them the money. If we don’t, our kids may have to choose their first jobs based on the amount of transition expenses, which seems to me to be a highly undesirable criterion.</p>
<ol>
<li>Whether or not young people need someone to co-sign their leases is largely a function of the community they live in. In some areas, it’s almost universal. In other areas, it’s not. If parents refuse to co-sign, the alternative is usually an apartment in an unsafe area or an extremely long commute from an outer suburb where landlords are not so fussy. So I would think twice before refusing to sign.</li>
</ol>
<p>Au contraire. It’s a great plan by him. (The 'rents are offering to put him up in an awesome city with his sleep-in honey. How can it get better than that?)</p>
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<p>PT Barnum was right about suckers…</p>
<p>You don’t have to give him anything (unless you want to). How long do you think you have to support him? Age 26? Age 30? When are you gonna draw a line.</p>
<p>“The kids I know who are graduating without a job are moving to NYC, SF, DC or Boston, getting some kind of job or even two jobs to tide them over while they look for a better job. This has worked so far for all the kids I know who have taken this approach.”</p>
<p>I can see couch surfing (if the kid has a big enough network) for a few weeks to getting one or two jobs doing anything while looking for something related to major. Doing it as a couple - that sounds a lot harder.</p>
<p>I would wait to see what the kids come up with. At some point in time, we parents need to wean ourselves from worrying about the small details about our kids’ lives. I’m just getting to that point with 25year old D1! </p>
<p>As a graduation present, we bought a work wardrobe for D1. Will most likely do the same for D2 when she graduates next year, unless she decides to go to grad school. Then I’m not sure how we’ll help. </p>
<p>It could be that your kid will ask you for a loan to help with set up expenses. Or you may choose to give a cash gift as a grad present. I’d back off and let them figure things out.</p>
<p>In the NO camp here. No job, no prospects, no support for illogical move by kid. FYI, we had the same issue last summer here, and I said the same thing. </p>
<p>I will happily (and to the extent I can afford it) support reasonable requests for $$$ that would ‘launch’ kids - but I will not support no plan. Since the DS is 22, I would just respond with a question about where I could stay if I came to visit?</p>
<p>The post from the other thread seems to imply that college grads are having some success in big US cities without having a job before moving. That’s the sort of thing that gives a lot of parents a fair amount of anxiety. I wonder if the OP’s son and son’s gf have heard some of those stories.</p>
<p>I’m cosigning a lease for my son in a few days for an apartment. We’re figuring out furniture and clothes too.</p>
<p>I feel compelled to point out that the S has not actually asked his parents for money, and they have not actually offered any. Let’s lighten up on the OP a bit. The S’s plan does not sound terribly practical so far, but who knows: they may be lining up jobs and a place to stay even as we speak. BTW, OP, if your S is actually living in Chicago, he will not need a car, so you can cross that off your list. There is plenty of public transportation. It is normal for a young person starting out to find a place to live where they can use it.</p>
<p>If your son has a job, all he needs to do is provide proof of income. You don’t need to cosign. My s got a letter from his employer even before he started working to demonstrate income. He also has savings and a good credit rating. So no need to cosign.</p>
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