<p>S will graduate from college in June. He doesn’t have a job yet. After graduating, he wants to move to Chicago with his girlfriend, who also is graduating from college and who also doesn’t have a job yet. Both are looking for jobs there. S has been dating GF for a year, but they don’t go to college (or live) in the same city. (Neither currently live/go to school in the Chicago area.) Both are 22. </p>
<p>We are somewhat concerned that he is limiting his job search to one (high COL) geographic area based on the assumption that he and GF will find jobs there. (We think it’s going to be tough for him to find a job in his field, and no easier for her.) We are also concerned about what happens to their living arrangement when/if they break up. He has no money; we will have to give him money for a housing deposit, initial months’ rent, and help him get a car if he needs one. We don’t have lots of spare money lying around.</p>
<p>We have not vocalized these concerns to him (yet). As parents, should we keep our mouths shut and only give advice/input if asked, and let him figure things out himself (including how he’s going to pay for stuff)? Should we tell him what we can provide financially to help him starting out, and let him figure out that he may not be able to afford to move somewhere and sign a lease without already having a job (and salary) in place? We don’t (for religious and other reasons) advocate living together without marriage or at least a commitment in place, and S certainly knows that. (We have not said anything regarding that since this plan was vocalized by him recently.) Do we state that upfront, or let S make his own living arrangement decision as an adult without us weighing in on it?</p>
<p>This is our oldest kid. How have other parents handled this type of issue – and would you do the same thing again? Advice, please, to help us think through this.</p>
<p>Our message to our 2 older kids was, if you don’t find a job right out of college, you are welcome to live at home while you continue your job search. We think that was a very generous and reasonable offer, and fortunately neither of them had to take us up on it.</p>
<p>My husband and I would not pay for our kids to move to some location without having already secured a job there. Unless, maybe the chosen locale was a hotbed for the particular industry that they were trying to gain entry into, maybe, maybe…</p>
<p>Your son would have to sign a 1-year lease, and you and your hubby would have to be guarantors, as he does not have any income, and probably not even a decent credit rating.</p>
<p>My kids know that when they are not in school and choose to live elsewhere (and they do live elsewhere and never have lived at home since HS, not even for a summer), they must support themselves. They can live where they want and with who they want. They also pay their own way. We paid for college and grad school and are still paying that off.</p>
<p>With the information you have presented, no, I would not offer to fund this nor would expect to be asked. Has he asked or are you exploring how you will answer if he does?</p>
<p>Sounds to me like he needs to stay at home until he gets a job, make that generous offer for him to stay with you at no cost until he has saved up those start up costs.</p>
While we have never been helicopter parents, we have always had some pretty intense discussions with our kids, and when we felt necessary, asked tough questions. Some kids are just not as worldly-wise as others, and asking the right questions could at least spark some soul-searching within them.</p>
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Again, what we would do is offer to help by letting them stay home while in the job-search mode, or help them out financially if they had secured a job that did not earn them enough to survive. It does not sound as if your son has asked for any financial help, is that because he has no clue about what it takes to move to a city like Chicago? Has either of them ever earned any income? summer jobs? paid any bills?</p>
<p>They may very well have a plan, like staying temporarily with friends in Chicago (or relatives of the girl) while looking for work. In that case, all they may need is for their respective parents to keep them on their health insurance for a while.</p>
<p>There has to be a reason why they chose Chicago. This could be it.</p>
<p>This scenario is one of the reasons I’m happy with the gift of Big Cash that we gave both our sons at graduation. I knew they would need such things as a mattress, and a security deposti, not to mention a carrot scraper. I figure that’s what I gave them the $$$ for.</p>
<p>I agree with others here: grad finds job, parents help with the move and launch. What if you set him up in Chicago and he gets an offer in Dallas? If there was a huge amount of demand for his major or special skill in Chicago, then that would be a factor but why couldn’t he job hunt locally and move there with accepted offer in hand?</p>
<p>We learned that first jobs are very tenuous. Our DS landed a great job with a nonprofit after graduation in a large, expensive city. He rented his first apt and got a car based on projected income. The nonprofit went under after 3 months and he lost the job. It took 6 months to find another job in that location but the living expenses still needed to be paid. Many of his friends lost their jobs too. Expenses to live independently in a big city are unpredictable, especially in this crazy economy.</p>
<p>I think that the focus should be on getting the son launched - the son can deal with the GF issue. Does the GF’s family see things the way you do or are they unhappy about this plan too?</p>
<p>My kids know they are free to come home after college to continue their job search (but after a few months, they will need to take something lower paying/not in their field to start paying rent). D1 has taken this to heart and saved several thousand dollars just in case she ends up needing it during her job search. She would not dream of signing a lease in the city she hopes to live in, though, without a job in hand. I would not dream of funding a move to that city for her (although I may help out a bit with things like shipping expenses for some of her stuff, etc.).</p>
<p>She has a BF, who does have a job lined up in that city. No word on whether they have cohabitation plans, but I am pretty sure she would not agree to it without a job already in hand. Your kid wants to play house but not own the responsibilties that come with being an adult. I personally would not fund it, that is his job now.</p>
<p>I’ve seen this particular “parents fund living in Chicago while kid tries to find a job” scene twice, and both were fails. That was earlier in the recession, but I don’t know that it has gotten any easier.</p>
<p>D1 is self supporting, but I am still very clear about no cohabitation. If they feel that strongly about living together, then get engaged and get married. I tell my girls to always have a place to go back to until they get married.</p>
<p>As far as paying for an apartment/food for my kids while they looked for a job, not going to happen. They could move back home, rent free for a while, would even pay for interviewing trips and help out with down payment for an apatment, but I wouldn’t be paying for room and board away from home, and certainly not for bf/gf.</p>
<p>If he wants to crash on a friend’s sofa to save on expenses while looking for a job in Chicago, that’s one thing. Asking you to fund living in an apt. with his GF in Chicago while both are <em>looking</em> for jobs is another.</p>
<p>If either of them majored in CS, there are places in Chicago looking for programmer types. </p>
<p>And yes, apartment complexes (and even individuals renting a room) ask for credit reports.</p>
<p>Both of my kids have squirreled $$ away during college to pay for start-up expenses after graduation. (Spring Break trips are to come home. The only exception is that S1 bought a ticket to go see fiancee in her country over spring break.) One has had a much easier time of saving $$ thanks to good job skills, but they know that the Bank of Mom and Dad will not be footing down payments on cars, furniture, etc. after graduation. That was part of the decision process in whether they chose the merit $$ at the flagship or private.</p>
<p>If S2 wants to base himself here should he not have a job by graduation, we’ll discuss it. Fortunately, this is also an area that has the kinds of jobs he wants. We would not be paying for him to live in another city as he job hunts.</p>
<p>I’m not a parent, but I am a graduating student who has no paid job lined up (I do have an unpaid full-time internship, though, so I’m in a slightly different situation). My incredible mother is letting me live in her home and I will be doing odd jobs for her in exchange for being allowed to live there until I can find a job that fits with my internship schedule so I can pay her money to help with bills.</p>
<p>That said: I agree with those saying not to support the move if there is no job lined up. While he might find something, there is no guarantee and, personally, it just sounds like a reason to play house on a parent’s dime. I see nothing wrong with support while living at home and to help with financial assistance needed to find a job (example: transportation to an interview).</p>
<p>While I see nothing wrong with cohabitation in general, asking parents to foot the bill for an apartment so that cohabitation can happen does not seem like the most mature and well-thought out decision to me. It seems more rash and, as I mentioned, wanting to play house without being willing to take on the responsibility of what something like that would mean. I would not support the move at all. If he wants to live with his girlfriend in such an expensive place with no guaranteed job line up before he moves there, let him figure out how to fund the move himself.</p>
<p>I’m another in the no camp. I live with my boyfriend (we’re both still in college) so obviously I see absolutely no problem with cohabitation. However, you shouldn’t be paying for him in a high COL area with absolutely no job lined up. In fact, IMO, you shouldn’t be paying for his rent post-graduation at all unless maybe he’s in grad school and you agree. If he doesn’t have a job, he should move back home and find one. </p>
<p>June is also a while away and he MIGHT find something by then. However, you shouldn’t be paying for his dream especially when his “dream” is in a very high cost of living area. What is so darn important about Chicago? Is it just for the glamour of a big city or is there actual career prospects there?</p>
<p>In this economy, we graduates have to be flexible about where to go. You simply can’t have your heart set on a place with no support to get there. That’s the reality.</p>