Grammar Question

<p>My boss wanted me to proofread his letter. It’s about bonus pay for extra education for an employee. The first paragraph says “This letter is in response to your request for an education bonus for Ms. Sanders. Regarding this, the law says [text of laws here].”</p>

<p>The first sentence of the second paragraph is:</p>

<p>“While it is an educational achievement for Ms. Sanders, this office does not find that it is directly relevant to the performance of her job.” Does the first “it” need to be more specific? Or not?</p>

<p>Yes, it does need to be more specific. Otherwise, the first “it” appears to refer to “this office”. What did the person do - take a course, obtain a certificate?</p>

<p>Say something like: “While completion of the coursework is an educational achievement for Ms. Sanders,…”</p>

<p>or </p>

<p>“While obtaining the certificate is an educational achievement for Ms. Sanders,…”</p>

<p>Yeah, I kinda thought it needed to be more specific, but wasn’t sure.</p>