<p>After reading more posts on this thread, I am feeling quite grateful. Our children were blessed with two sets of grandparents, both out of state, who doted on them in every respect. Not only did they take great interest in them in weekly calls and so on, but they traveled long distances to see as many significant events as possible (graduations, performances, sporting events, summer program events, etc.) My parents have died in recent years and are missing out on what they would hate to be missing. Even some of my dad’s last thoughts were about what he was going to be missing with the grandkids (six). By the way, they traveled 6000 miles to grandkids in Alaska too. My in-laws are still alive and in their 80’s. They just traveled to see my 23 year old’s museum exhibit opening in NYC and are about to travel this month to see my 21 year old’s original musical in another state. My 23 year old is in the air right now flying to Europe for a full year of work and she came home just one week before departing and during our brief time with her, she traveled overnight out of state to see her grandparents one last time, even though she had just seen them this month at her museum exhibit opening. In fact, after we dropped our D off at the airport in another state today, my husband was talking about how my parents, who are now deceased, were missing out on this news about my D’s upcoming year (not to mention so much else). Anyway, I am grateful my kids have had such doting grandparents, even though they all lived in other states. When my kids were younger, grandparents would take them alone for a week, while my husband and I took a vacation. When they were older, they loved having the grandkids fly to visit them on their own. </p>
<p>I don’t find that missing graduation is entirely unusual but the stories of parents who missed their own children’s weddings, I do find unusual. As a parent, I can’t imagine missing my own child’s wedding. But this thread is enlightening.</p>
<p>People are what they are. My parents never liked to travel to visit us & the grandchildren, so we always visited them for a week or so in the summer. That was it. They didn’t mind traveling to new and exotic places, however! There are shoeboxes full of photos of my parents with other seniors on trips…nobody knows who these people are anymore. Too bad the grandchildren don’t have many photos of themselves with their grandparents. :(</p>
<p>I need to get off this thread and go do something positive.</p>
<p>My husband’s father didn’t come to his (my husband’s) high school graduation.He just didn’t feel like it.</p>
<p>Graduations can be brutal! Son’s was in a west facing stadium 2 hours before sunset on aluminum bleachers. Parking is a long way away. I’m hoping in 2011 it won’t be so darn hot. So I wouldn’t be offended that the grandparents don’t feel a need to be there. The real problem is the total lack of effort up til now.</p>
<p>No way would I be spending my only vacation time accomodating these people. You won’t change them. Seriously, it’s okay to say no.</p>
<p>I didn’t read every message in this thread, but if you think your MIL is toxic, I recommend you spend a little time reading some of the true horror stories on this site:</p>
<p>[Mother-In-Law</a> Stories and Mother-In-Law Jokes](<a href=“http://www.motherinlawstories.com/]Mother-In-Law”>http://www.motherinlawstories.com/)</p>
<p>I have my own collection of MIL horror stories, but I find it very therapeutic to see that she’s not in the same league as some of the real crazies. :)</p>
<p>I haven’t read all the posts here, so this may be redundant, but it has to do with the son vs daughter relationship of your in-laws. You are describing how my SIL manipulated her mother to treat her kids versus how my SIL made sure her mother treated her daughter’s kids. I was so jealous! They never had a babysitter, they just had GrandMa. They’d go away for a week, while the kids were home for a school vacation, and GrandMa was taking care. Every special occasion, like Thanksgiving, my MIL would, of course, go to her daughter’s house.</p>
<p>Years later, I’m absolutely fine with THEIR strange family dynamics. I love my MIL, but I never, ever talk to my sister-in-law. She hasn’t come to family gatherings in years. Weird, I say. It was all about her and her kids. </p>
<p>I’m guessing this is the same sorry story you’re dealing with. A parent who plays favorites. For your own sanity, drop it. They don’t reciprocate. Let them live with their lies about being too busy or not having the money/time to travel. It’s not worth it. Focus instead on your own family. Your own brothers and sisters and parents. Stinks to shut your DH’s family out of your life, but that’s his job to repair. If he chooses not to bother, move on.</p>
<p>Okay, rant here. But they won’t change and it’s not worth fretting over something you can’t change.</p>