<p>A dear friend of mine called me recently. My friend’s mother seems to be very involved in the college process of her oldest grandchild and made my friend panic about something involving the college process for her oldest D. Since this is my friend’s first child going to college, she was made a bit nervous by her mother. Anyway, does anybody have parents who try to influence where their grandchildren go to college, and make the grandkids second guess their choices? How does your family handle this in a situation where the grandparent who is outspoken, is not contributing financially? The grandparent is not making small suggestions, but making strong statements, ie: 1- “I never heard of those schools, and I am surprised that your H is going along with this.” 2-“What does Janie know about what she likes in a college anyway?”
3-“Nobody from our religion goes there, and Janie is going to get serious with a boy from a different faith there. Send Janie where she can meet boys who are from our church.” 4-“Why are you sending Janie to a school in the middle of nowhere?” Her mother seems to be coming on in a strong way.</p>
<p>None of my children’s grandparents would have ever presumed to say things like this to their grandchildren, or to me or my H. My guess is that your friend’s mother had probably been allowed to interfere in the family’s business in other ways and so is continuing the trend. If it were me, I’d politely tell the grandparent, thank you for the input but that it is really none of their business. It wouldn’t matter to me if they were contributing to the finances or not.</p>
<p>Whoa, that’s really over the top. But getting Granny to stop the disinformation campaign may be difficult, as she obviously feels “the need to impede.”</p>
<p>My in laws would have liked to have been this nosy and opinionated, but we live far far away, so no chances, but it took them a long time to learn to keep their opinions to themselves, I am not sure they have, we just reduced the amount of time they have to share their opinions.</p>
<p>If the grandparent lived nearby I would go into avoidance mode- it is actually none of their business, so just change the subject, and avoid the fight/discussion/etc</p>
<p>somemom, I know that this grandparent lives a fairly short distance away, although I suppose the same comments can be made by phone. It has to be awful to make parents and the child, who think that they are making the best decisions they can make, feel badly about their college decisions.</p>
<p>Grr, I am sure grandma thinks she knows best and is trying to help, but it comes across so obnoxiously, the best I can recommend, having lived with meddling, interfering in laws, is either take a stand and make your point, or be polite and avoid the subject, keeping everything copacetic and friendly, but avoid giving them the chance to comment on college stuff</p>
<p>Ha, ha. My kids don’t even hear what Grandmom has to say about these things. She is out of touch about the whole process, but she still has her opinions.</p>
<p>When my D’s acceptances came in, my MIL went online to investigate and was very negative about one of D’s top three. MIL based her opinion on her perception of the school’s “extreme” liberalism, religious influence that was different than our own, and other issues (MIL is not what I would call openminded). Although D ultimately picked a different school, I do have to admit she has a bit of a contrary streak, and I wouldn’t have been surprised if she had picked that school <em>because</em> of G-ma’s input (plus she really did like it). </p>
<p>If I’m still a CC addict by the time my 4-year-old grandchild and younger siblings are looking at colleges, I promise to restrain myself and not offer unsolicited advice.</p>
<p>Ready, now, everyone cross your heart and take the pledge with me . . . .</p>
<p>cpt, how is she out of touch, yet has opinions, but your kids don’t hear about those opinions? How do you work that magic? Do you tell her not to share her opinions with her grandchildren?</p>
<p>ReneeV, LOL! I can take that pledge with you, but I hopefully won’t have grandchildren for many years!</p>
<p>Grandpa went to Cornell and (step)Grandma went to Princeton (after her kids were grown, to a special program there)… Other Grandma went to Penn (grad school) and other Grandpa to Harvard (grad school). </p>
<p>Oh yeah, we got pressure 
</p>
<p>But you know what? They weren’t paying.</p>