<p>Take a deep breath, relax, and realize how impetuous the young are. I sincerely doubt they will be todether br holidays. </p>
<p>It was several year ago that the worm was ready to join his g/f in Zurich. He even lined up a reasearch position there. She broke it off, saying too hard to keep up a long distance relationship. Lots of lost money, what with his flight cancelled within 24 hours, and hers to stay with me, but it was first love, passionate and memorable. They still keep in touch, but have moved on. Its quite rare for someone as young as your DD to make a life time commitment. </p>
<p>Your DD will be surrounded by a terrific peer group, a great city, and most likely will engage with others.</p>
<p>When I look back on the last 6 years of my life, so much has happened and changed. </p>
<p>But related to this thread, my D1 was very involved for years with someone I was not thrilled about and would have taken her into a very different world… That changed.</p>
<p>Swedes are great - it’s their software I have problems with :-). </p>
<p>Seriously, another aspect of this that has not been brought up because everyone is busy playing “Blue Lagoon” and prognosticating various scenarios… If I were a parent paying full fare at Harvard, I’d be concerned (read, freaked out beyond oblivion) as to the effects of such a relationship on academic performance. </p>
<p>If it is a short distance relationship (read, the Swede is in Harvard at age 15) then he probably knows what it takes to get in and hopefully get out of Harvard. If our friendly Swede is attending Cambridge Rindge and Latin High School, maybe so as well, probably not as much - 10th grade versus Harvard?) but if our friend is attending Malmo High School and relationshipping with the Harvard student over Skype and SMS, I foresee monumental time wasting of epic proportions, or the potential for same…</p>
<p>Again, we do not have specifics as to how this thing came to be, but the short term issues are a bit hard to overcome. I stand by my original suggestion - invite the kid with the stipulation the parents come as well.</p>
<p>Really? Freaked out? How more consuming and devastating to one’s GPA than any face to face first love (such is Fauxmaven’s)? And surely no more important than the effects on one’s academic performance at ANY college. At least H is known for grade inflation.</p>
<p>Leave it to CC, everything is revolved around college, even when it comes to first love.</p>
<p>I didn’t think D1’s first BF was exactly right for her. She only found out how I felt after she broke up with him. She asked me why I never said anything. I told her that I knew she would figure it out at some point.</p>
<p>The big issue here is if OP has faith her daughter would figure out it is inappropriate at some point.</p>
<p>In my D’s blocking group of 8, only 1 found true love among her classmates…I don’t think that many girls who go to Harvard nowadays go to marry a Harvard man. Now those Wellesley girls…(just kidding! thinking about the movie, Mona Lisa Smile)</p>
<p>OP, you must be very proud of your D’s outstanding educational attainments. Relationship issues - well, what can anyone truly say? - the specifics for each of our children are always amazing, both good and bad, and we parents are often hard-pressed to try to advise our university-aged progeny, especially when we are undergoing the requisite shift from “command and control” as a parent, to building a far more equal and far more interesting and less limiting relationship with our adult children. I don’t know if it’s any comfort, but I needed to learn some time ago that my dreams for my D aren’t necessarily my D’s dreams for herself. </p>
<p>That said, have you tried any reverse-psychology and actually told your daughter that you’re excited to meet her friend? That you’re very much looking forward to having him arrive?</p>
<p>I will say your extrapolation that your “D could move to Sweden and settle down and do zilch with that fine education” did make me laugh out loud. In the event your D might actually make this move some many years hence, I’m sure you know that Harvard, like numerous other educational institutions, is interested in fine minds from around the world. Numerous students from Sweden attend Harvard and return to Sweden after graduation. Presumably some, if not all, “settle down”, although it’s harder to say, of course, whether they either “settle down and do zilch”, simply “do zilch” or actually manage to lead productive (and, one hopes, incarceration-free) lives.</p>
<p>Some time ago, a CC poster whose name I’ve forgotten unfortunately, recommended a book called Letting Go (Fifth Edition): A Parents’ Guide to Understanding the College Years by Karen Coburn and Madge Treeger. It’s readily available on Amazon. It might be interesting to look at.</p>
<p>You’re kidding about this…right? Did you send her to Harvard for a college degree or a MRS. She might not have found her husband at Harvard anyway.</p>
<p>Now…to the question…I personally think 2 weeks is a LONG visit at holiday time…and especially after a couple months separation from the summer. Does this new boyfriend have others to visit here or just your family?</p>
<p>I agree with those who say that he may not want to come before Christmas rolls around. I think it’s even more likely that he will come and he and your daughter will end up realizing this isn’t meant to be a long term thing. </p>
<p>And, if it is…he may end up moving here rather than having her move to Sweden. </p>
<p>But this did happen to a high school classmate of my kid’s who did an exchange year in Germany in high school. She met THE one. She stayed in the US to finish college, got a job in Germany, married the guy, and now has two beautiful kids. </p>
<p>There are worse things someone can do!</p>
<p>You do need to talk to your D about sex --and you would need to have the discussion if the boy was American. </p>
<p>I couldn’t imagine that after she starts school this boy will still be of interest to her. However, this is obviously a girl who has done very well academically, and proved to make some good choices so who knows. There may be more to this than most would think. The age is concerning, and that is something you need to discuss with her openly. I have not read above posts but is it possible that she could have legal problems because of his age?</p>
<p>This whole thing reads like a total joke. Seriously. a) Swedes are great and so is Sweden b) THIS IS A 19-year old girl! They change their minds! c) If kids can’t graduate from Harvard while they are in love what has this world come to? d) Oh wait, I think it’s a joke. HAHAHAHAHAHA.</p>
<p>Hi all- not a joke . I just saw his picture on FB . HE LOOKS LIKE 12 !! Am on vacation ! Will be back on WED . Thanks for all your comments . THEY MET IN SWEDEN _NOT AT HARVARD . IF HE WERE AT HARVARD ,LESS OF PROBLEM . HE WILL BE 16 IN 2 WEEKS . The MRS . is a tongue in cheek statement . D is 1 of a kind ,unique /odd and I can’t imagine how this will all work out . Might try to call his parents . Maybe before he books ticket .</p>
<p>I like the suggestion of calling the parents. I’d gently suggest to them that you have concerns about being responsible for a 16 year old boy and that you would feel better if they came along for the visit and that you would love to meet them and show them around. See what they say.</p>
<p>^^ I don’t really see a need to call the parents since informing him/them that you won’t permit a non-adult boy to stay at your house with your adult D is up to her to do since she’s the one that came up with the situation. </p>
<p>If for some reason you do end up talking with the parents you shouldn’t be gently suggesting anything - you should just flat out tell them, without any discussion needed, that you won’t allow a non-adult boy to stay at your home with your adult D out of concern for both the boy and your D. You can be nice about it of course, but you s/b firm and the decision s/b made by you and your H prior to the conversation. </p>
<p>You should be prepared with the assumption that if this boy is truly planning to buy a ticket and come here and follows through on it, his parents are permitting it since he can’t really do this without their permission, and maybe they even think it’s a good idea.</p>
<p>^excellent advice. There really isn’t any reason for the OP to call the parent of the boy.
All she has to do is tell her daughter, NO. </p>
<p>There is so much wrong with this scenario–a college woman dating a 15 year old boy. The fact that he looks even younger than 15 years of age and this isn’t her first time choosing a younger boy as a BF would concern me as a parent. As a parent, I would suggest to the D that she discuss this pattern with a counselor. </p>
<p>There is way too much of an age gap between a young woman attending college and a boy of 15 years of age.</p>