<p>I am a bit amazed that people actually think that just because someone has high IQ it means that person also has high EQ.</p>
<p>Not wanting to point out the obvious, this young man could also visit OP’s daughter at Harvard without parents’ knowledge or consent.</p>
<p>I agree that its a long time between now and December. I cant tell you the numnber of holiday trips my kdis tried to coordinate that fell through for one reason or another. Just say “its too early to discuss this” and move on. Then worry about it later.</p>
<p>“Let’s discuss this in October” sounds good. After September at Harvard, she may no longer be interested in her current plan.</p>
<p>I’d guess the OP might like to say “lets discuss this in January” :)</p>
<p>I hope the BF gets a fully refundable ticket. There is a phenomenon called “the Turkey Drop” that gets discussed on CC every November.</p>
<p>^^ good point.
But I wonder what the reaction would be if this was a male university student, dating a high school girl who " looked" 12. ( even allowing for the fact that males are oftentimes emotionally & socially younger than their female peers, which makes this even harder to understand).</p>
<p>Normally I would agree that backing off, letting this die a natural death is the better course of action, however the kid is underage. You simply have to say “continue the relationship on whatever level you choose, however as long as he is under 18 he won’t be staying here”. Use your own words, make it nice, but make it final. There really is no grey area here.</p>
<p>As for your daughter running off to Sweden… worry about other things, really. My brother finished his university education twenty-some years ago, moved everything home to my mothers, and went traveling through Europe for two months on a railpass. We got a call a few weeks later saying “Hey, I’m in Sweden, I have a job, and I’m not coming home.”. Sure, my mom was crushed but wasting his education was never her concern. He learned the language by immersion, had a great time, built a life, career, and has never come home. He now has his own very successful firm in Stockholm, teaches masters classes at the university, owns a flat, and is HAPPY. We miss him terribly but there’s not much more we could ask for. As for his education…I’d say he’s done pretty darn well for himself!! We simply give him a hard time because he speaks English with a Swedish accent…now that’s insulting.</p>
<p>I know of a million of these stories. Younger HS girl, older college boy, meeting someone abroad, long distance relationships, people talking in the summer about meeting later…blah, blah, blah.</p>
<p>Most the the time, time will work these things out and it will be fine. My kids have made all kinds of plans in the summer and they never work out. Even if they do, when you are back in your home territory usually relationships will be different. </p>
<p>The worst thing to do with my kids is panic. I just act like the cool parent and wait. Usually they come to the same conclusion that I have and it works out. </p>
<p>I have a unique kid. I was just happy to find out that he like girls and someone liked him. (although if he liked boys that would be ok also) I was just happy he found someone who he wants to spend time with. My H on the other hand wants to think about the logistics of everything. </p>
<p>Just one other thing. I sent my D to school so she could get the best education she could and make her own way. I did not send her there to meet her boyfriend. If she does, great. But I am much more concerned with her getting an education and finding a job. Honestly I would be annoyed if her plans revolved around what someone else’s career plans were and not her’s.
I know of a college (male) student who dated a girl 4 years younger than him through college. He graduated college and came home. She went to college and dumped him a month later. My cousin married a man from Brazil. Her mother was so unhappy. They married here but moved to Brazil. You know what, the parents talk on skype all the time. She made it in her budget to come to the states a couple of times a year and the parents go to Brazil once a year. Seriously, this is more than I expect from my S in Texas. But then again he is not the great communicator! Lol!</p>
<p>Sweden is not the worst country to run off to. Really, if I had to pick one for my kid, I’d pick Sweden. 
But that, as many here said, is a very low probability event. I agree with blueiguana about setting the boundaries.</p>
<p>^^^ I dunno. For a girl with a $200K HARVARD education, Sweden is shooting kind of low, don’t you think?</p>
<p>(PS. Sarcasm.)</p>
<p>As the mother of a 14.5 yo boy, I would be apalled if he started dating a girl 3 years older and would never let him travel across the Atlantic to spend 2 weeks with her. What are these parents thinking?? (I know Europeans are a bit more liberal, but this is a bit too young).</p>
<p>I think if they are still sweet on each other by Thanksgiving , we will allow him to come . The minimum age in NJ is 16 . I will be anxious to meet him . So are the 3 older brothers . If this is true love ,who am I to stand in the way ? He will not be sleeping in her room however .</p>
<p>What do we really know about how he looks or how young he seems from 1 facebook picture? Maybe he’s got an old picture up there because he’s attached to it. Maybe the lighting makes him look really young. I’d like to tell you that I get up in the morning looking the way I do in my fully made up, beautifully lit, perfectly dressed fb picture, but…</p>
<p>I’m sorry ,but he really looks 12 ! He sent me a connection so he could friend me on FB . If this weren’t a reasonable likeness ,wouldn 't he say " this is a photo from 2 years ago " ? I ASKED to see his photo !</p>
<p>This doesn’t seem right at all. Your daughter is going to meet plenty of great guys in college. Why encourage such an inappropriate match?</p>
<p>I don’t want a match with this guy ! I don’t want it at all ! I am very upset about it ! Maybe this isn’t clear to the many people who have PMd me . I am concerned that if I say he isn’t welcome , and the relationship continues , my D will spend Xmas in Sweden and not come "home for the holidays ! " Also ,I would never talk about my upset till she is back with us in the US . My H and I never discuss serious topics till we are all together face to face ! I haven’t told her that I think it is strange to be so excited about a child boyfriend ! Perhaps this will be a moot topic by the time she returns .</p>
<p>“I just saw his picture on FB . HE LOOKS LIKE 12 !!”</p>
<p>Perhaps you could take him to Disney World during the Christmas vacation.</p>
<p>Weighing in again.</p>
<p>You have boxed yourself into a real corner, faux, if you only talk over important things face-to-face (when your D happens to be in Sweden), while at the same time you’re afraid that if you say “no” and set a reasonable limit (which would be hard to do face-to-face as the 15 y.o. Swedish boy will be standing on your doorstep at your first face-to-face opportunity), your D will be mad at you and maybe stay in Sweden for Christmas, which you hint you couldn’t tolerate. </p>
<p>If you thought that a young but legal adult sleeping with a 15 year old under your roof was fine and dandy, that would be one thing. (To my mind, it wouldn’t be a good thing, but still.) But that’s not what you’re saying. </p>
<p>Yes, the waters get muddied by the fact that your concerns your daughter might fall for a foreign guy, move abroad, and thereby squander her Harvard education could be just as strong if the boyfriend were a nineteen year old Swedish student of rocket science. </p>
<p>But back to the fifteen year old: having him with your adult daughter in your house is not OK with you. Having your daughter intensely involved with him is troubling you. You have a problem with the whole thing, and there’s a good chance that if the pair hung out in your house over Christmas, the result would be statutory rape, legally speaking.</p>
<p>My advice here would be: Man up. Do not let things that make you this miserable happen in your own house. Parents tell children things they don’t want to hear all the time. Children sometimes get angry when their parents say “no.” Children sometime flounce off and threaten to do something they know is one of their parent’s big fears when the parent says no. (As in, nanny nanny foo foo, if I can’t commit a class A felony down the hall from you for two weeks over Christmas, then I won’t come home. Never ever ever. Also, I won’t go to Harvard and I’ll toss my education right down the drain.)</p>
<p>Seriously, your D is not going to do this. She is going to be annoyed as hell and maybe she’ll stay in Sweden over Christmas (during which time you are not, let me repeat, not going to pay for her and the 15 y.o. to take a student junket to Ibeza), but to my mind, it’s not worth jeopardizing your own integrity to make nice. Say, “We’ll miss you terribly. See you at Easter.”</p>
<p>"I am concerned that if I say he isn’t welcome , and the relationship continues , my D will spend Xmas in Sweden and not come "home for the holidays ! " "</p>
<p>Some will say this is “playing the money card”… but my thought is that if the D has enough money to pay for airfare to Sweden, then perhaps she should be chipping in more on college expenses. Of course there is a small risk that daughter will be home and miserable.</p>
<p>^ exactly, not like you are entitled to micromanage her every move, but as long as you are paying the full freight for college, wherever it is, you have bought the rights to have an opinion.
If she has the resources to go to Sweden for the holidays then she should be applying that money to Harvard.
How is it that we are in control for the most part up until college, then end up tiptoeing around once they are undergrads? Still under your roof technically, on your medical/auto insurance, still your rules. Spending her vacations in a foreign country is not a right, and last I heard as parents we have the last say in who is a houseguest in our homes.
I can’t believe you are even considering this, Sweden or not. If he was a 15-yr.-old boy from Calif. would you let him come cross country and stay with your daughter for two weeks?</p>