<p>Surround the kid with books. As others has indicated, reading is huge. Reading is the key to all other learning. Our girls grew up in house full of books. There are book cases full of books in nearly every room in our house. Read to the kid regularly. Have the kid read to you. Talk about things you read in books. Ask him about things he has read in books. Take him regularly trips to the library. Take him to bookstores too and occasionally let him pick out and buy his own books.</p>
<p>I had a lot of mantras when my ds was little that I repeated to get them in his head. Two that are apt here are:</p>
<p>Work before play.
Poor work means more work.</p>
<p>He has a great work ethic and manages his time quite well. ;)</p>
<p>I see lots of posts on reading. This was definately a priority in our house as we did surround them with great books and trips to the book store. That being said, only one of my 3 was an avid reader. The other two were just not that interested. We also surrounded them with puzzles, Legos and interesting scientific toys. They were never allowed a tv or computer in their rooms as young children. They did play fun as well as educational computer games but it was always supervised. When it came to big hW projects, we always helped them choose “smart” things to research. We also went to lots of museums, did lots of community activities, and did a lot of outdoor sports (individual as well as family).</p>
<p>Others may disagree, but fwiw: do not teach your kid that schoolwork should always be “fun” or “entertaining.” There is an element of drudgery involved in a lot of schoolwork, like learning math facts, for example. It takes time, practice, and more and more practice. There are no shortcuts. Teach him self-sacrifice and endurance. Work is no fun sometimes, but later comes the satisfaction of mastering something difficult, of getting a good grade, of earning praise from the teacher, of winning a scholarship, etc. As a teacher, I often see kids who think a little bit of work is “too hard.” They think it is “too much” when it is actually just a little. To be honest, they are lazy. They don’t know how to work. They want things easy, soft, and fun. And that attitude probably won’t make them successful in school, college, or on the job.</p>
<p>Let me add something else that may seem obvious, give your kids plenty of hugs and kisses. I shower my kids with hugs and kisses all of the time. Even my teenager in public. I want them to know that I care for them immensely and it opens them to readily accept my advice. Under no circumstance do I want to be their friend, and I remind them that. But the hugs and kisses have given them the confidence in me, my role, and the advice I give them.</p>
<p>Lead by example. If you want them to work hard, they need to see you put hard work in some area of your life. If you demand order in their lives, display order in your life.</p>
<p>Let them explore. Open them up to the world (ok I know many of you will disagree with this one). From the time they were young, they were allowed to watch, listen, and read media up to NC17 rating. No porn, but anything that could be shown in a public movie theater. We decided to do this after observing what kids were exposed to in the Netherlands and the outcomes there. We cringed so many times by what they would see or hear on cable, but the results have been well beyond our expectations. I have a 16 year old who loves cartoons, loves being home, and lives a much cleaner life than her cohorts who were sheltered. It is funny to hear the oldest scold the youngest for listening to inappropriate rap music, but a self policing quickly occurs within the siblings.</p>
<p>The reading advice is pretty universal. But you may decide to switch to books on tablet. We did this with our youngest and her reading skills are far beyond any of my other kids at similar ages. My guess is that reading from the tablet has heighten her interest in exploring information on the internet. She frequently searches through Wikipedia to read, which is pretty unusual for her age.</p>
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<p>These are good ideas.</p>
<p>But I still wish that the schools didn’t label academics as “work” as early as they do. </p>
<p>When my first child started school, he loved to read (which he could already do) and to try to write (which he really couldn’t do yet, but he tried). He had no idea that these activities were “work” and that activities involving toys were “play.” </p>
<p>By the end of the first month of kindergarten, he had learned that reading and writing were work, and you only do these things when somebody tells you to. What a shame.</p>
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<p>Some people like math. What may be drudgery could be different for different people (for some people, it may be analyzing literature or poetry, for example).</p>
<p>Such great advice! I’m glad I posted this question! I love the “Poor work makes more work” quote and it’s very similar to what has become my mantra lately; “It is so much easier to do it right the first time!”. Because of my poor choices earlier in life, I am struggling more now than I should. It’s hard to be a single parent, but I’m so glad I have my son because he’s given me a reason to do well. It’s different because now I have someone looking up to me, so I better give him someone worth looking up to! He’s visited the UF campus with me. He points out all the orange and blue he sees and says he wants to play football for the Gators lol. Whenever he mentions something he wants to have or be or do when he’s an adult, I remind him that it takes hard work to get those things. He really loves building things on Mine Craft and he’s made some pretty impressive buildings. I took the opportunity to tell him what an architect was and what they do. As for hugs and kisses…he definitely gets those! He calls it smooch fest when I get started. He pretends to hate it, but I know he loves it lol.</p>
<p>Most youth sports aren’t well matched to ADHD kids but there is one that seems to really be right up their alley: wrestling. It teaches discipline, hard work and perseverance. It is high energy output in a short amount of time. It rewards kids willing to take risks. Other than running, it is the cheapest of the sports, often passing free equipment down through the club. It’s a tight-knit, very supportive group. Contact a youth coach in your area (practices should be starting now), or the local HS coach can give recommendations and get you in touch.</p>
<p>An additional clarification: by mentioning Snap Circuits and robot kits, I didn’t mean try to push him in a direction of science and engineering, just that there is a need for technical knowledge these days even in non-technical jobs and in life in general. They have simple to follow instructions that result in an assembly greater than the sum of the parts, the same lesson as puzzles or Legos in a less antiquated package.</p>
<p>Also, he likes to read more now than he did before because he’s gotten better at it, but he still isn’t that into reading or listening to me read for very long (it’s probably the ADHD)…he’s off in la-la land halfway through a chapter of Harry Potter. I am not a genius by any means, but I have better writing and vocabulary skills than a lot of people I know. I attribute that to reading. I think that seeing the words and proper grammar in print has helped me to develop stronger writing skills.</p>
<p>That’s funny, Magnetron! You are the 3rd person in about 2 weeks to suggest wrestling for him! First one of the chicken people I know saw me out with him and mentioned that he coaches at one of the local high schools and heads a wrestling club for kids, then I saw my high school science teacher and he mentioned putting him in wrestling. </p>
<p>He also loves to run. He won 2nd out of all the kindergarteners in the mile run at school. There’s a mile fun run at his school in the morning that we will be going to. </p>
<p>The snap circuits and robot kits sound right up his alley. He had a toy called magnablocks at his preschool and he loved building with them. He also loves building with legos etc.</p>
<p>Kismet, agmama. Now you have to sign him up. I saw how it helped focus my non-ADHD boys, and how it really transformed some of the kids who maybe needed it more. </p>
<p>My daughter also ran in her last cross-country race of her career last night. Of all the sports, it connects with the best group of high-achievement kids in a very inclusive, accepting way. Something to keep in mind as he gets older.</p>
<p>To each his own drudgery, then! As long as kids know that there will be things they don’t like, things that take a lot of time, things they consider boring or useless–BUT they have to do them anyway.
(btw, I do love math-- I teach Algebra and test prep, as well as English. Very sad to see high school students who don’t know their times tables, though.)</p>
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<p>When I was in elementary school, timed tests of multiplication were regular features of math. You were given a limited time to work on a sheet of multiplication problems (single digit times single digit). Presumably, the thought was that if you could multiply single digits quickly in your head, you could more easily handle more advanced math (larger numbers, fractions, decimals, etc.). Knowing the multiplication table also meant that you could more easily recognize if an answer to a more complex problem that involves multiplication “does not look correct”.</p>
<p>Great thread.</p>
<p>We have one son. He is very bright, did well in hs and on the dean’s list at college. I loved raising him. When he was young, I bought a nice chalk board-not a cheap play one but one from Office Max (you could get a white board). It hung in his room, and up until he was a teenager, we’d often use it in different ways when he was doing his homework. He’d be the ‘teacher’ or I would and we had fun using it, spelling, math, ect.</p>
<p>I also kept him supplied with lots of blank computer paper, notebooks, sketchpads, construction paper, pens, pencils, markers, crayons, tape, glue, scissors, and even posterboard. He didn’t have to use it just for school, he could draw, write comics, create stuff when he felt like it. You can throw most of that stuff in a big basket so your son can grab it whenever he likes, and toss it all back in the basket when he’s done.</p>
<p>I would also suggest a desk for his room. As my son got older, about every three months, I’d would ask my son to please take a half hour or so and go through the desk and straighten it up and get rid of any junk. It was done very casually, nothing strict, just so he’d get into the habit of cleaning a small workspace and know how nice it can feel when things are back in place. Of course, he had it decorated with rocks and an old jar filled with marbles and water (???) and other boy stuff, but it was his, so what the heck. </p>
<p>And of course, lots of reading. Read to your son, and as he learns to read, take turns. Your son many like books, comics or gaming magazines may capture his interest, that’s good, too.</p>
<p>Also, I hope you don’t mind my bringing the subject up, but you’ve mentioned a couple times that you made poor choices in life when you were younger. That’s happened to lots of us for a gazillion different reasons, so please don’t be hard or down on yourself for what’s in the past. You are on the right track now,and have so much ahead to look forward to.</p>
<p>Thank you Miller! I appreciate that!</p>
<p>I know we sound like broken records here – but reading is key. 
My kids were a little slow to get going on reading, but they loved to be read to. Your son might be a little young for Harry Potter chapters that you mentioned, for a while you should meet him more at his level and with his interests if you can. I did read to my kids for quite a few years after they could read to themselves (so they did both). One of my kids always needed help picking library books (honestly, at age 18, she STILL likes it if I pick or recommend books for her!). So you might need to help him out at the library. Both my kids had amazing critical reading scores on the SAT and aced the Lit subject test because of all those early years of reading. But I consider that a side bonus of all the other benefits they have gotten from being readers.</p>
<p>Another thing we did is make sure our kids got to do some kind of academic exploration in the summer. It wasn’t usually all summer, and not all the experiences were super expensive. But a week or two of a science museum day camp, or creative writing camp, or foreign language camp was really good for them, I think. They had plenty of fun time, too. But just something “extra” to help them see that learning outside a school environment can be fun, too.</p>
<p>We also kept an eye out for overscheduling for our kids. There are so many extra curricular activities for them to try, but only so many hours in the day. And the hours creep up as they get older. What seems manageable in late elementary or middle school because they only do it 1-2 days/week becomes more intense as they get older. And they don’t want to drop anything – academics can suffer if they are overly involved in ECs. We learned this the hard way with D1, and D2 benefited from this experience. She had her ECs that she loved, but we were more selective in what she started. For example, we didn’t follow the school’s recommendation of having her in band starting in 5th grade. She already played piano and sang in the choir. No great talent or burning interest, and to us it didn’t seem like another instrument to practice was a good use of her time. None of us ever regretted it, either. We also had a rule for D2 (who did not have great time management skills due to a learning disability) that she could generally only have one after school or evening EC activity per day. A practice, a concert, a game, whatever. But that would still leave a few hours for homework. Paid off with better grades for her than she would have had otherwise, I am sure.</p>
<p>Nothing like a big old cardboard box to stimulate imagination and creative play. Every time we got a new piece of furniture or appliance the girls had the boxes on the porch (sometimes all winter) to play with. Ships, trains, forts, caves, castles, barns, sometimes painted on sometimes cut up the permutations were endless. They were quite old before tiring of this. I think almost middle school if I remember correctly.</p>