<p>One of our 12 year old cats has been in renal insufficiency for about 6 months and I knew he didn’t have too much longer. Last night I realized I hadn’t seen him all day and when he didn’t come to the kitchen table for dinner, I knew something was up. This morning he was laying on the floor so quite so I took him to the vet.</p>
<p>Renal function was really bad and he was dehydrated. I could have left him at the vet for several day and once they reversed what they could, I could maybe bring him home where I would need to give him an IV 3 times a week at home. This is a cat that fights you tooth and nail when it is time to have medication, so trying to deal with an IV 3 times a week seemed cruel to me. The idea of fighting with him so that I could keep him around for another few months just didn’t seem fair to him.</p>
<p>I made the decision on my own, although I had discussed this with the family during the summer. Well, my daughter was in class by the time I was done at the vet so I decided to wait and call her at school after she finished her classes today. She doesn’t get out until 8:30, so at 8:45 I called her cell and got her voice mail. I left a message for her to call when she could tonight. At 10:00 I hadn’t heard from her, so I called again but this time did not leave a message. At 10:15 she calls and ask why she has two missed calls and a message. I then tell her about her cat and she gets upset with me about telling her so casually. I didn’t think I was wrong with the way I told her, and I realize she was upset, but it upset me that she was mad at me.</p>
<p>Later she IMed and apologized. She still thinks I could have handled it better, but she said she realizes that I was upset too. This is the second time she has received bad news about her cat by phone; the first time was while she was studying abroad in the spring when we first found out the cat was sick. She said if he needed putting to sleep while she was home this summer that she wanted to go and be with him. I never thought he would last as long as he did. Maybe it would have been better for her to be here, but I don’t think I would have flown her home 1,000 miles to put her cat to sleep! </p>
<p>I know tomorrow my daughter will be better; now I just need to worry about the other cat, the sister to the one I put to sleep. So far I don’t think she knows he is gone. The two cats rarely interacted; they just passed each other occasionally in the hall or at the food bowl. I do think the female may have known her brother was sick; can’t they smell illness and death? I guess maybe I could have taking the female to sit with him while at the vet, but I really don’t think she will have a problem with him being gone. The vet thinks since the male was the dominate one, that the female may become more dominate. </p>
<p>Sorry for babbling; just getting my feeling out before going to bed.</p>
<p>I am so sorry! One of our two cats is quite elderly and I’m not looking forward to this possibility. Maybe your daughter just needed to vent; you could call her tomorrow.</p>
<p>Don’t apologize. It’s very hard to have a pet in ill health, to lose a pet, or to be forced to have a pet put down. I still think often about the cats I grew up with, so I know how much one can love them. <strong>hugs</strong></p>
<p>I don’t think there’s a right way to tell someone something very sad, and it sounds like you did as well in that department as is really possible considering the circumstances.</p>
<p>snowball- you and your family have my sympathies, I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet cat. we put our sweet pup to sleep last summer . he was 15 and 1/2 years old. We were all quite sad and we did drag out the inevitable for much longer than we should have. I let it go on longer than I should have because my 16 yr old said it would be “murder” and carried on quite a bit. he insisted that he be there when it happened and we reluctantly said yes. It has been 1 year now and he still gets upset if his younger sis talks about getting a new puppy. some people have a much tougher time with the loss than others and maybe your daughter is better off for not being home at this time. " life goes on" as they say. I remember coming across a beautiful poem last summer abpout pet loss. I think it was called the rainbow bridge or something like that. I will check and post it if i can.</p>
<p>We put a dog down who was 16, she had had a rich, full, wonderful life, but it was horrid to tell the kids (elementary ages) I hope our current dog has a long full life!!!</p>
<p>We lived on acreage and so many cats died in a row that we just didn’t bond as quickly!</p>
<p>So sorry to hear of your news, don’t hold your reactions against each other!</p>
<p>I had one of my (7 year old) guinea pigs put to sleep a few months ago, also with kidney failure. Her companion could definitely tell she was sick.</p>
<p>You did the best for your kitty. So sorry for the loss. I, too, have an elderly female cat, and I am dreading the time when I have to confront the decision of whether or not to put her to sleep.</p>
<p>I am so sorry for your loss. Your daughter will be fine and I am sure she was just upset at the loss of the beloved family member and at being far away. Hang in there…</p>
<p>snowball, sending you hugs and good thoughts this morning. This is such a difficult thing to do but all of us with pets know how you’re feeling. It doesn’t matter how old, or how sick, an animal is, it’s still so difficult. Having to tell kids who are away at school is not easy. When one of our dogs, who was always really D2’s dog, died, my H and I decided that she had to be told in person. He flew to her college city to tell her. Her dog was old, 14, but had not been sick at all so it was very sudden. </p>
<p>I’m sure your D’s lashing out at you is simply part of her sadness. That must have been difficult for you to hear, particularly after the day you’d had. I will say that I think you made the right decision not to prolong your kitty’s life with further treatment. We had a cat in the same situation several years ago. I chose to continue the treatment so that we’d have a few more months with her. In hindsight, I don’t know what I was thinking putting an 18 year old cat through that.</p>
<p>I know it’s too late for you to do this but maybe it will help others in this situation in the future. Our vet believes that if you have another cat or dog at home, that they be given the chance to see their deceased sibling. Apparently, there is a theory that animals will grieve more easily this way, rather than being faced with just the disappearance of their pal. </p>
<p>Be good to yourself today and know that all these hugs and thoughts from CC are trying to comfort you and lift a bit of the heartache away.</p>
<p>Snowball, my sympathies as well. We have 1 cat now, Frank. His brother Joe had to be put down a couple years ago. He’s had cancer for 5 years, and ultimately ended up with kidney failure as well. Fortunately (or not, depending upon his view), S1 was home at the time, for a week-long visit. Joe was his cat. I made him make the phone call to the vet, and we went together the next morning. I really wanted him to be part of the decision, precisely so he wouldn’t be blaming me. </p>
<p>It was so much harder than I expected. S1 and I stood in the lobby of the vet’s, hugging each other and bawling. The vet’s office workers were in tears, too. </p>
<p>Although you did absolutely nothing wrong, it is normal to feel anger at someone when grieving, and you happen to be the handiest. S1 was even a bit mad at me for making him go with me. You can’t win! Take comfort in knowing that you acted compassionately and appropriately, and you were the only one around to deal with it.</p>
<p>Joe’s brother Frank is still alive. He turns 18 in October. The poor cat has been through a lot - being carted off to my sister’s house when we moved to Germany, then back here 3 years later, only to lose his brother 2 months later. Frank is very close to S2, and grieves every time S2 leaves again. He definitely went through some loss when Joe died. I think he would have been scared to see Joe dead, though. He’s a scaredy cat anyway. He saw Joe sicker and sicker, and actually started avoiding him. Our vet said that was normal - that animals instinctively avoid the sick one, in case it’s contagious.</p>
<p>I am hoping that S2 will be around when it’s time for Frank to go. I am dreading it.</p>
<p>Snowball, our five year old cat Charlie was in renal failure, and we had to make the same tough decision in June. I’m so sorry–it’s sad to lose a family member. It sounds as though you gave your little buddy a great life.</p>
<p>Thanks all for the sympathy. Of course as I read this I am shedding tears. </p>
<p>Bunksmom- Thank you for that link; I am just glad I don’t have my make-up on yet, otherwise I would have to reapply it! I can not decide if I should send that to my daughter or not; the gray cat in one of the pictures looks a good bit like her cat. While I think a good cry would do her well, I don’t want to prolong her grief. Knowing my daughter she will be in a funk for a while and I don’t want her grades to suffer.</p>
<p>The sister cat seems to be fine this morning. I see she has eaten and at the moment she is asleep on my husband’s side of the bed where she goes once he leaves for work in the morning. I do think she looked for her brother last night and I do believe she knew he was sick Sunday night. While they never really spend much time together, I do think she could sense he was ill. I am going to keep a close eye on her just in case. The dog on the otherhand is oblivious to the cat passing. The cats usually stay upstairs and the dog is not allowed upstairs without supervision. The cats were here years before the dog and they do not like the dog at all. We decided to gate the dog downstairs and give the cats free roaming rights upstairs. That means the dog gets us during the day and the cats get us at night, which I think they prefer anyway. Since the female cat has asthma and is terrified of the dog, this arrangement has been for the best.</p>
<p>I keep reminding myself I made the right decision, but I am still upset. My sarcastic son sends me a text this morning wanting to know if I was going to kill any more family pets this morning. He did not do that to be mean; he knew I was upset yesterday with his sister blaming me so this was his way to make me laugh. You would have to know him to know he meant no harm. I think we are a sick family!!</p>
<p>My S would have done something similar, Snowball. It’s his way of saying, “I’m thinking of you.” It is funny simply because it is so “out there” - knowing that was exactly what you did NOT do, but acknowledging that it might feel that way.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry. I had to put down 14 year old Nike (Maine Coon) early this spring. Same deal- kidneys and just generally failing to the point of misery. His brother, Bobby Knight, is still alive. He’s thin as can be, but hanging in there. We also have a 3 year old Ragdoll and a 3 month old new Ragdoll kitten. (Willie and Waylon) And the 5 year old gigantic Golden Retriever.<br>
Our pets are beloved family members, and it hurts beyond belief to lose one.</p>