So, yesterday a family member (one I am close with) tagged her son on Facebook in a picture from Halloween seven years ago. In this picture he is wearing a sombrero, a Mexican shawl-thing and brown face. Her son is now in college and I told her that a) all his college friends that he is Facebook friends with can see the post and b) brown face is considered highly offensive (how she does not know this, I don’t understand). She flipped out and said she hates all this “politically correct bs” and now she is furious with me.
Did I do the right thing by talking to her about it or did I cross the line?
Shooting the messenger?
(Do you mean to say that his face is not naturally (that) brown?)
I did suggest she was shooting the messenger. Didn’t go over well. And by brown face, I mean he actually painted his face brown.
It is never appropriate for folks to use “black face” for entertainment. To not understand this is to have a profound lack of understanding of American History and when this happens its perfectly fine to attempt to educate folks. You did nothing wrong.
Yeah, definitely a case of shooting the messenger. She should have appreciated the heads up that others might find it offensive.
So, did she choose to keep the post up once informed that others might find it offensive?
She took the photo down and then deactivated her Facebook account.
Btw, I didn’t call her out on Facebook; I texted her privately.
Or just blocked you maybe? :-??
It’s very upsetting and humiliating when you just realized that you made a serious mistake, more so when the mistake can hurt your child. I would say give her some time to chill.
@sculptorDad I agree-I am giving her space.
You did the right thing. My father is of Mexican decent. He grew up in south Texas during the 40s and 50s, before the civil rights movement. There were “whites only” establishments, including the local corner store. He and his friends used to try an figure out which one of them was the lightest and send that kid into the store to try and buy candy for them all. Tell your family member that, no white person ever had to worry about being able to go into a neighborhood store and spend their money because of the color of their skin, so that’s why it’s not okay.
Even if she hates “political correctness,” it is a fact that others might judge her based on their own (“PC”) standards, not hers. I doubt she will be furious for long. (I see she has already taken it down.)
You were trying to be helpful, realistic–but maybe came on too strong? (No evidence for that, but why would she be “furious?” Just trying to imagine the situation from her point of view. . .) She made a mistake, you pointed it out, and she is likely embarrassed.
Honestly, I’ve never heard of “brownface” before now. While I would never put makeup on my kids, and I certainly know about “blackface,” I’d say it is possible that she didn’t think of this makeup in the same category as “blackface.” Especially when her kid wore it years ago before people really gave much thought to the significance of costumes. She probably thought she was posting a nostalgic childhood Halloween photo of her kid, and it backfired.
Yup. And for putting her college kid out there too.
You did the right thing. She did not. It isn’t political correctness. It’s common courtesy and respect.
Just email her this link:
http://nypost.com/2017/05/02/baylor-suspends-frat-that-threw-insensitive-mexican-themed-party/
And this one:
http://inamerica.blogs.cnn.com/2012/12/05/penn-state-in-spotlight-again-with-sorority-photo-mocking-latinos/
And this follow-up:
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/02/18/penn-state-sorority-chi-omega_n_4810010.html
PC seems a pretty common retort when someone is called out for being an insensitive jerk.
You were right. She’s not.
My youngest looks 100% Irish and my middle guy looks Nordic/Germanic (like Bjorn from Vikings or Schweinsteiger). Both of them amped that up with the younger one looking completely ridiculous as a leprechaun for the third year in a row and the middle one as a stereotypical Viking yet again (too old to TOT - house party). They are working with stereotypes of groups of people that they are descended from and are visually identified as. I think you can joke about a group if you are part of the group. Though I don’t think Irish people care if people go nuts on St. Paddy’s Day and wear fake Irish wear as long as: 1. Everyone is having fun 2. There is quality beer 3. Good money is being made
You should never change your skin tone. Incredible how some people are clueless in the year 2017. If you want to go Mexican, you should do one of those cool Day of the Dead costumes. Then you can paint your face ghost white with black detailing.
The fact that someone who is close to you is furious, defensive, and actually deactivated her Facebook account indicates to me that you didn’t do this the right way. If I’m going to say something to someone I care about that could make them feel embarrassed or guilty, I tread gently. I don’t want to be so mired in my own righteousness that anything goes.
I suspect that if you had said it in the right way, she would have said, “Oops, thanks for bringing that to my attention”, and taken it down with no hard feelings. You have to be really careful with some family members, and people can hold grudges forever for some little comment. You can’t say things any way you choose, just because you’re right.
^I have been wondering what her son’s response was when he learned of the photo. Maybe his reaction led to the deactivation.
On a thread about cultural sensitivity, the Irish are identified as fun loving, beer swilling capitalists? Not all of us, I promise, gearmom. And I will limit the ravaging Viking stereotypes in your honor.
@royalcroftmom Well, our experience being very involved in an Irish American community and family reflected that in part. My boys were very involved in Irish dance. The oldest was very good and we would travel around quite a bit for him, competitions and performances. So for all of March, there was money to be made for the studio. We traveled quite a bit for performances. None of the kids minded working for the studio. None of the places we performed at the pubs, the Irish clubs and churches minded the extra money and attention at St. Patrick’s day. The parades that were marched in. People of races could be “Irish” and have fun and enjoy and there can be some silliness to it. And as we traveled through this March Madness, the dads really did enjoy the top quality ale as a fringe benefit of the sport. I personally don’t not find the Irish family and friends that we have to be fragile about being Irish. My personal rule was that you could joke around within your own family. Sorry if you were greatly offended by this. I thought it was clear it was in good humor.