<p>I lost a close colleague earlier this year to cancer and I thought our company handled everything very well. Initially she had gone on medical leave in Jan 2012 after being out and working at home for about six weeks. She had initially had breast cancer about 10 years ago and so this was a reoccurence but the reoccurrence had metastized and had spread to her bones. As she was a very private person this was all kept very quiet. I was one of 2 on our staff who knew as I had to take over her responsibilities. Apparently she went on disability but she had some unused personal time and sick time so she was able to take all that time.HR was able to get her cancer coverage under AFLAC even though open season for enrollment had closed. She did respond well enough to treatment to come back in October with a smaller workload and shorter workweek but sadly that was short-lived. She left prior to Thanksgiving to go to the ER and passed away in February. Most staff were totally shocked when her death was announced although many suspected she was under treatment. She had a strong personality and clashed with co-workers sometimes previously but everyone was very respectful and many attended the funeral, even younger workers who barely knew her. I was very circumspect with our clients, just that she was on leave of absence and that I would extend their best wishes. After she passed, I did call the larger clients and relay the information personally, one at a time. Many were thankful for the personal notice and extended sympathy to be passed along to her family.</p>
<p>We found out more bad news today. It has spread to his sinuses and he was leaving us to go find out if it was in lymph nodes. He came in today to give the other manager and my hubby all the info they could possibly need to handle the accounts. Hubby let him have a few moments with the other manager, then spoke with him privately where he shared the rest of the bad news. Apparently that manager went to another close employees office and cried. All these manly men crying was a sight I hope to never see again.</p>
<p>I happened to have Aflac reps in my office at the time. I had to step out to talk to him where he hugged me and told me it spread, and he cried in my arms while I cried with him. He needs chemo and extensive surgery immediately and was on his way right then so I had to say goodbye and walk him out. </p>
<p>At this point quite a few employees saw quite a few of us crying so my husband was nominated to go talk to everyone else. </p>
<p>So my decision whether it makes “business” sense or not. He stays on our payroll and health insurance indefinitely. In two weeks Aflac is coming in to counsel each employee and offer everything from vision and dental to maternity, short term and long term disability. </p>
<p>And the Aflac reps got to see me cry, but there was nothing I could do about that. This situation was why they were brought in and they were very sweet. </p>
<p>I decided to just cut out early and cry at home. My son is leaving tomorrow for school so I might as well focus on getting him packed.</p>
<p>My thoughts are with you and your extended work family.</p>
<p>My heart is breaking for you, your friend, and all of you who work there and are dealing with this news. My H was diagnosed last fall and although he’s lucky enough to be in complete remission now, I’ll never forget the fear, the sadness and the overwhelming feelings of getting a cancer diagnosis.</p>
<p>I’ll also never forget how much everyone’s support, prayers, jokes and love helped then and are still helping now. Please know that your love for this colleague and all the support you are giving him are invaluable. It may not feel like enough, but believe me, it’s a blessing. YOU are a blessing. Just continue to be there for him, talk to him, stay in touch. It means so much. So sorry this has happened.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry eyemamom. It sounds like you’ve created an incredible work place though- like a family- where people really care about each other. I hope you’ll all be able to support each other through this tough time.</p>
<p>eyemamom, does his wife have access to health insurance other than his policy with your company? </p>
<p>My boss passed away earlier this year (about 6 years after her terminal diagnosis) and one thing that kept her coming into the office when she really wasn’t well enough to do so was that her family relied on her for health insurance. We tried in vain to convince her to work part-time, but she needed to maintain .8 FTE to keep the insurance. She would tell us she really wanted to work, but I always worried that the insurance was dragging her into the office.</p>
<p>She is former military and gets benefits through the VA, she’s also on disability from the military. She’s not the healthiest either with a seizure disorder so that is one thing that has him in such a state. It’s also why I can’t just say, no long term disability? too bad for you. He’s the sole provider and she is unable to work. </p>
<p>I appreciate your kind words. I just wish there was a way to make it go away. It sounds like a miserable road ahead for him which I hate for him. I know he attends a church, I need to contact his wife and either she or I should contact them, and I hope they’d help with meals or rides as necessary as well. I don’t know which church so I can’t do it myself.</p>
<p>eyemamom, I’m thrilled you’ve taken action to bring in Aflac. If, God forbid, this happens to someone else in the future, I hope they will have taken advantage and purchased the coverage.</p>
<p>Hugs to you.</p>
<p>Eyeamom, so sorry for your colleague and for you. I have no advice to offer, just encouragement to continue to be strong and to continue to try and do the best for your colleague/friend and his family. They are lucky to have you and your caring and genuine concern for him shines through every word in your posts.</p>
<p>So sorry for this situation all the way around. It is hard to navigate these waters with a co-worker, dear friend and a variety of inter-office relationships. People have covered a lot of useful information to consider in this thread. I have found addressing health issues in the office, even when more benign than this (ie pregnancy), can be a very delicate matter. How you proceed will be noted and will impact how the office moves forward, even while you are addressing these circumstances. I would encourage you to display a tendency to err on the side of caution when sharing medical details, even though he has stated to share as you see fit. Information can change, and of course, not everyone else would want their info. shared. Also, what he is comfortable sharing now, may not be what he wants to be asked about later, perhaps by an employee who is less than tactful. </p>
<p>It will be challenging to keep the mission of your organization in mind as you support this valued team member and friend, but that is what will help other staff to carry on and perhaps ultimately allow them to honor him with their efforts. In general, ambiguity demoralizes and confuses people, so having any appropriate details be revealed is best done in the context of a workable plan for how to proceed, when you are able to have a “business hat” on and perhaps the news is less raw. This plan will take time to establish and some time may help you be both grounded and grounding. That is not to under-estimate the reality of your concern and grief for your friend, just to help put things in the most constructive context possible. </p>
<p>This is painful just to read, and I wish everyone the best.</p>
<p>Very well put, travelnut.</p>
<p>Sadly enough I don’t expect him to ever come back to work, the prognosis too grim, the surgery too extensive and invasive to ever imagine him fit for working.</p>
<p>The hardest part for me is the two sides, of personally feeling so devastated but knowing there is still a company to run and we had to just make plans on how to move forward. It’s not like no one has ever left the company before so we do know how to fill in. Thankfully we’re a pretty well oiled machine.</p>
<p>That meeting today actually got his mind off things for a minute even though we felt badly even needing to have it. But it was before we understood how much worse things had gotten. It also gave a few key people the opportunity for hugs. </p>
<p>I know I get too emotionally involved and don’t run my company in an all business way sometimes. But if that’s the worst someone can say about me, that’s okay.</p>