<p>I agree with ejr1. In my years as a baseball coach, Little League president (and dad) I saw every dirty trick in the book. My oldest son dealth with it by going into wretsling - where it didn’t matter what anyone said or thought - if you beat the other guy, you were no. 1!</p>
<p>3ks, you have a good memory. This is directly related to the bullying of this year and I’m sure its the same kid because they directly compete in this sport. (hence the bullying) After brooding about it for the past 36 hours I’ve decided to just take it as a huge compliment that S. is such a threat, athletically. He’s reinstated, the sports director was HORRIFIED and furious, and in a couple of weeks I’ll request that S. not be teamed up with this particular kid in matches. I can’t accuse anyone without proof, but I have to protect S, too. Thanks, all for your support. (ps, we’re switching schools for next year. The school S and D have been in refused to help us and its an aggressive climate over there. It just escalated due to their incompetence)</p>
<p>dke, I am so sorry this happened. And yes, it very well may be related to the earlier bullying which you posted about in the past. This letter to the sports program is beyond the pale. You are very lucky that you even learned about it. I mean the program could have just gotten the letter and never called your attention to it. I am glad also that they know that someone else sent such a letter and that another kid or family involved was likely behind this. Even though it isn’t proven WHO it is, they will know that there is someone who did this and if anything arises later with any bullying, the pieces may fit together for them. But also, I like that you will inform them on another date that your son not be teamed up with the boy who has been a bully (or who may be behind that letter). You did a good thing to not mention it on this same date with the letter. However, when you mention it on a later date that you don’t want him paired up due to bullying issues, they may even see the linkage but at least you will have kept these as separate calls and not accused him of the letter. Good job. </p>
<p>I am also glad to hear you are able to switch schools because I recall that you tried to deal with the school on the bullying issue to no avail, and I don’ t know if they had a harrassment policy or ever enforced it. I recall that discussion. This way, your son will have a fresh start in another peer group. You are fortunate to be able to find an alternative setting. Where I live, there is only one school option (though we didn’t have the issue you are having but just saying).</p>
<p>Dke, I am sorry that you had to deal with this.</p>
<p>My daughter was a low-level, locally competitive figure skater when she was young and before her early competitions I was counseled by her skating instuctor to ALWAYS bring an extra recording of her music and never, ever leave her skating bag unattended in the locker room. He had known of bags “disappearing”, tapes “disappearing” - even after they had been submitted at the competition, and costumes being damaged. This never happened to my D but after observing a few of the parents and their over the top behavior, I believed him. </p>
<p>My daughter moved on from skating to tennis as a middle-schooler and that sport has it’s own version of inappropriate behavior. </p>
<p>There are some extremely competitive and maladjusted people out there.</p>
<p>Thanks, Soozievt. We feel incredibly fortunate to have the choice and be able to switch the kids away from this school. Both schools are private, but the new school is a bit smaller and more selective so we weren’t sure they’d be able to accomodate both kids. Elleneast, I hate to hear what lengths people will go to in sports to advance their own or their kids’ agendas. It goes against everything that sports are supposed to be about. Competition is terrific, but only if good sportsmanship accompanies it. Sounds like your daughter is navigating the tennis well, though!</p>
<p>Two chilling stories.
And great wisdom above. I agree with all. Just wondering if to tweak this one aspect: [/“However, when you mention it on a later date that you don’t want him paired up due to bullying issues, they may even see the linkage but at least you will have kept these as separate calls and not accused him of the letter. Good job.”/a]</p>
<p>If you have an instinct that more incidents might occur this summer while on the road, then I wouldn’t leave it to chance. Instead, I’d help the program connect the dots and allow them to keep a record on the situation, in this way: </p>
<p>On the separate date when you send the request to the sports program not to team the boys, justify the request…"due to a pattern of unpleasant events locally surrounding the two boys’ competition. In a most unfortunate experience, as you may recall (copies attached), recently you helped alert us to a fraudulent letter with someone else attempting to withdraw him from the entire summer program. We thank you for calling it to our attention (with the returned check) which alerted us to someone else’s attempt to remove him.</p>
<p>Like you, we are troubled by this recent incident. And, based on longstanding patterns within his school, we will be moving our son to a new school next fall. We are concerned and take the rivalry between them as a serious threat to our son. </p>
<p>We don’t know, nor do we wish to seek out, who wrote the letter to your program. Our son does not know this event occurred, and it is better for him that he not know. At this time, however, we ask you to take a few protective measures to ensure fair competition all summer:</p>
<p>1) do not pair these two students in athletic or housing situations</p>
<p>2) keep watchful for any unusual incidents, on the field or backscene</p>
<p>3) advise coaches to respect any reports from students of unusual incidents</p>
<p>4) advise or consult us appropriately if your professional judgment warrrants ,
for example: we are available by phone if you need background information
about our son, in case you are trying to unravel an unusual incident.</p>
<p>Our only desire is to see a positive, athletic summer for all of these students.
We are grateful that your program returned the fraudulent letter promptly (simply thinking to return our check!) which brought this most recent incident
to our attention.</p>
<h2>CC: Sports coach " </h2>
<p>Well, I know the above letter is intense. Others might find it too creepy. I am only thinking of a way to establish a written record of what’s happened so far, since a lot of this is on the phone.<br>
I think, after such a letter, they will SURELY be more alert for anything that might be hurtful to your son, and believe any stories that bubble up to them while on the road.</p>
<p>I don’t know sports culture at all. My kids are all in the performing arts, where there is a combination of group spirit and occasional flaks over who gets cast for which role. Somehow the lack of “points” at the end of a performance (just applause, hopefully) keeps the parent community more sane. Also, very few college scholarships await the performers, while high school athletes believe more is available as a pot-o-gold at the end of the rainbow. </p>
<p>You have handled this very well, OP. If my suggestion feels out-of-place in your judgment, you should disregard it, obviously. I’m a lawyer’s daughter so I
learned to write things down and make a record of difficult situations. Sometimes it makes things worse by glaring a spotlight on things, but other times a written letter causes people to behave more proactively so things don’t GET worse.</p>
<p>Paying3tuitions…you are good at this and ways to word things! </p>
<p>I also feel at the very least, even without connecting the letter at all…to alert the program that there is a history of bullying by that student with your son and that you want them to be aware of it and also to keep their teaming and housing separate and ask that they alert you if problems persist, etc. Making them aware of that is important. They can always connect the dots to the letter that was sent. That doesn’t matter so much but it is important that they know this is an ongoing problem and so they won’t be working from scratch if something arises and they will have a context for it and also know to contact you.</p>
<p>Thanks, p3t…you should be a lawyer, too! Fortunately, there will be no travel as its a local circuit and I’ll be doing the driving. I’d be concerned if they were on the road, that’s for sure! What you’ve written is what I told the tournament director yesterday. She’s aware of the fact that I’ll be calling her in two weeks with the separation request, and what it implies. I never thought I’d have to deal with anything this strange in my wildest dreams. (before I had kids) Life sure is filled with surprises,and some of them sure are nasty!!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>That is very nice of you to say though because of a high school injury (while playing another sport) she had to have wrist surgery and leave the tennis world. In a way there was an up side because it made the college process much easier. Athletics were not part of the equation. Fortunately she had not compromised her academics significantly because of her athletic schedule…she is the perfect example of why no one should put all of their eggs in the athletic basket. Injuries happen all of the time.</p>
<p>This is not to say that she has stopped being an athlete. Though she is no longer competing in an organized fashion she continues to stay fit by running, spinning and yoga.</p>
<p>Once again, best of luck to your son. I am certainly glad that you became aware of the situation early enough to do something about it.</p>
<p>Dke- I teach very bright middle school students, and I don’t believe that they have the skills and/or mindset to pull off a scam like that, which was almost believed by the summer program. I’m sure that the people who run the program are shocked as well, and your child will be watched over carefully this summer. What a scary incident!</p>
<p>That’s interesting, sabooks. You think an adult had a hand in it? It was in simple memo form which the kids very well may have learned at school, with the request that S be removed and would look forward to returning in '08. Not rocket science, but maybe you’re right. Its hard for me to fathom an adult doing this.</p>
<p>dke, It is hard to say if kids wrote the memo or if adults did. But I totally understand that you couldn’t want to possibly believe that adults did it and so it becomes less plausible because it feels so unthinkable! But it really is possible that adults wrote it. It depends how savvy middle schoolers might be in composing such a letter. The concept of a parent trying to jeopardize another person’s child in any way is quite unthinkable in my view. I can’t imagine ever doing anything like that. But I have a feeling there are some who might do this kind of thing. On a larger scale, there was the Texas cheerleader mom! :D</p>
<p>PS…if they wrote: “look forward to returning in '08…”, that sounds more like the way an adult would put things. A kid might just say that your son no longer plans to attend.</p>
<p>Dke- it was in memo form? That makes it sound even more like an adult. In my experience, kids do things electronically all of the time- it’s hard to say who’s who on instant messaging sometimes for example, because they share passwords. But typing up a memo and putting it into the U.S. Mail system- I don’t think that’s in this generation’s repetoire. Just my opinion, I could be wrong.</p>
<p>If it was a child, he could be modelling a letter his own parents wrote in a similar situation. No telling though. I’m glad you’ll be a different school next year. Sometimes the only way you can vote is with your feet.</p>
<p>dke just want to add my sentiments to those above. So sorry this happened. As one who lives in a highly competitive community I can, unfortunately, imagine this happening. </p>
<p>One other possibility as to the letter writer is that it could be an overzealous older sibling- say college age- with the smarts but not the good judgment.</p>
<p>Wow, someone is pretty darn miserable and pathetic. How many kids are involved on the team program? Wish there was a way to nail down who sent it.</p>
<p>Am wondering what the coach will do. Would love to see him gather kids AND parents and read the letter out loud, to let them know he’s aware of just how low some people will stoop. Would like to check out the expressions on peoples’ faces, too! And if someone had any shame, they’d turn beet red.</p>
<p>ispf72, its actually not a team with a coach, but a circuit. There are over a hundred players and its run by directors. I would LOVE to have the letter read, but logistics make it pretty impossible. I guess S is a threat. He won a tournament yesterday. Validating, I must say! (for Mama, anyway!)</p>
<p>Update…you CC’ers are so on target, its amazing! One of the (3) school bullies on tour with S has a father who comes along and watches. He was stalking my son two weeks ago while he played. H had a fit. I think some of you are right that its a parent, not a kid, who wrote the memo. Last week at the next event he sat GLARING at me in the creepiest way. I refused to look at him. I’ve been getting phone calls on my cell and at home and some of them are from his son. ( I recognise his voice) We’re having a trace report done on the landline where every time they call I can punch in a report complaint code. Eventually the phone company will notify them. Yesterday a choice piece of sports equipment of my son’s was stolen, vandalised and thrown in the woods. It never ends. H has called an attorney to ask if we should do something and the attorney said he was flummoxed and had to think about it because he didn’t want to make things worse for S. This is unreal!!</p>
<p>Wow, this is incredible. I would make the program aware of this as well. There is harrassment going on at various levels and ways.</p>
<p>Wow, This is very scary. With the kind of harrassment you and your son have already experienced, it doesn’t seem that much of a stretch to think that your son may be in physical danger as well.
We all remember Tanya Harding. </p>
<p>Good luck and keep us posted.</p>