A friend of mine received a Columbia likely letter yesterday. She isn’t a recruited athlete or anything traditionally “hooked,” but she’s incredibly talented and has a lot of potential. I’m genuinely very happy for her and proud of what she accomplished.
At the same time, I’m feeling a bit terrified. It feels like within my friend group this cycle, I might be the one left without an admission. I applied to Princeton and had my interview, which I felt went well, but there hasn’t been any change in my portal or any communication from them since.
I’m truly excited seeing my friends get great news—one heading to Columbia, others seeing positive signs from places like Babson and other prestigious colleges. It’s inspiring to watch their hard work pay off.
But if I’m being honest, it also makes me feel a little uncertain and worried about my own future. I’m trying to stay hopeful, but the waiting is really difficult. Has anyone else experienced this mix of being proud of your friends while also feeling anxious about where you stand?
6 Likes
I’m sorry you are feeling uncertain but don’t let a college define you. There are Ivy type kids walking on probably most every flagship in America. The most National Merit Scholars, for example, are at schools like Alabama and University of Texas at Dallas. At last report, 25% of Tulsa’s class was.
But Ivy kids are everywhere - my daughter’s bff at Charleston got into Vandy, Rice and Penn.
The point is - if you are a student left without an admission, then you clearly didn’t build a proper list.
That’s the short end of it.
So hopefully you did apply to a school that you’ll get into and can afford.
And if you haven’t, then lucky for you, there’s still time to do so.
The only reason any top notch student doesn’t have an admission is because they didn’t list build properly.
There is no other reason.
But you are you and you will be great. It’s nice you are happy for your friends but you, too, can have great admissions and you, too, can be hugely successful regardless of the school name you attend.
1 Like
Here is my free advice…and it’s what both of my kids did. Stop talking about college and college acceptances with your friends. If the subject comes up, politely say you will be happy to discuss this after May 1 when you have a decision on what you will be doing next year. And if pushed, excuse yourself and go to another table, to the bathroom, whatever.
Discussing college acceptances can create some angst for some students. And really, there is no need for this.
You are you…and your friends are themselves also. This comparing of colleges and acceptances is really it necessary.
5 Likes
Thank you for your great perspective, and I really appreciate you taking the time to respond.
I do understand that colleges are not supposed to define us, and I agree with that. The only thing I’m dealing with right now is my emotional state. I feel like something is wrong with me, and I do realize that my college list was wrong, but I am trying to stay optimistic.
I am under great pressure. My family expects miracles from me. Mind you, they even started shopping already. And then everyone at my school—my teachers, my friends, and everyone around me—expects me to get into a prestigious college.
Honestly speaking, the pressure is becoming unbearable. I’m not able to concentrate on anything or be productive anymore. I’m always trapped in my thoughts and terrified that I’m going to disappoint them.
I keep wondering if there is anything I can do right now to save my applications. But as I said, my mind just cannot concentrate.
2 Likes
I really appreciate this advice, I will try this out and I hope it works for me otherwise am going to lose my mind
1 Like
Talk about the things you are doing together NOW. These next months before you leave for college will go by quickly. Savor the time left with your high school friends. I’m sure there are things you have in common (besides applying for college).
And good luck to you in your admissions. As mentioned above, I also hope you have a sure thing for acceptance, that is affordable, where you think you will be happy to be for the next four years.
Comparison is the thief of joy. It happens to all of us sometimes.
I agree to the extent you can walk away from all this for now, that would be a good idea.
But ultimately, hopefully you applied to a robust list of colleges that were all good fits for you, and some of those colleges will very much want you as a student. As you get started at one of them, it will slowly become clear to you that it has WAAAAAY more opportunities than any one individual could ever make use of. And so it will become clear to you that what you get out of college is going to be up to you, what opportunities you choose to pursue and how that goes.
Of course you will also then have new peers, and comparison can steal your joy again. In fact it can keep happening your whole life, and it can just as easily happen to people who go to Columbia (everyone at Columbia got admitted to Columbia, so what have you done lately?).
So you can’t beat this problem with success, you have to beat it by learning to deal with it in a healthy way. And in that sense, this is practice for you. It won’t be the last time this comes up, and this is an opportunity to get a little better at handling it through experience.
And as long as you realize that is the goal, I am confident you will in fact make that progress.
2 Likes
It’s completely normal to have the feelings you’re having about your friends’ good fortune. Of course you’re pleased and happy for them, but worried for yourself. Your decisions are still coming and that means you’re still stuck in limbo. It’s a hard place to be.
I’m also sorry that you feel the weight of such high expectations. You might consider sharing your anxiety with your parents (or whichever parent you are closest to). You might find that they are more understanding and supportive than you think. If you don’t feel you can share what you’re feeling, maybe a teacher or counselor could be a sounding board for you. You shouldn’t have to carry your anxiety alone.
It sounds like maybe you only applied to the reachiest of the reaches—I hope that isn’t true, but if it is, it’s also a good time to start thinking about Plan B or C or D. Whether that’s community college or a school still accepting applications or a gap year, it may help you to play out various scenarios so if you do end up needing one, it’s not a complete surprise and you’re not starting from zero.
Good luck! I really hope the best for you
2 Likes
If you’ve not heard back, then you don’t have a no or yes.
But yes, this is way too much pressure. At my company, a Harvard Law worked for a Fairleigh Dickinson . A Vandy MBA worked for a W Georgia…a school I haven’t even heard of.
I’m sorry your family does this to you - but you need to be you and not worry about it. Going to Harvard doesn’t ensure success nor does going to Hofstra ensure non success. In fact, there will be people from Hofstra more successful than people from Harvard.
Maybe you can speak to a therapist. I promise you, folks at your school will be proud of you no matter where you attend. It’s your life, not theirs.
Good luck with your decision but lots of schools are still taking apps - really good schools. So you have a chance to recover if needed.
2 Likes
Did you apply to any safeties? Columbia and Princeton are not safeties for anyone, at least not until results come back (this is assuming that you have not actually won a Nobel Prize and neither parent is the official head of state of a medium sized country).
You do not need to attend a university at the level of Columbia or Princeton to do very well in life. I have seen huge numbers of examples (I could use up a page or two of text providing examples but I am not sure anyone wants to hear this again). I have seen lots of students attend universities ranked anywhere from 1 to 150 and do very well in life. And the kids who attended MIT or Stanford or Columbia or Princeton routinely work alongside coworkers who graduated from U.Mass and Rutgers and San Jose State and a long list of other schools and in the vast majority of cases no one cares where anyone got their degree. Also the graduate students at these highly ranked universities come from a huge range of undergraduate colleges and universities.
Let’s suppose that you get into one university, and it is either U.Mass Lowell or San Jose State (just to pick one school on each coast). Suppose that a friend of yours is going off to Harvard or Stanford. It is entirely possible that five years from now you might very well end up in the same graduate program, or working the same job, and in most cases no one is going to care which school you graduated from.
The main issue is whether you applied to any safeties. If not, there might still be some good universities accepting applications. If you do not have an application in to at least one safety, then you might want to think about whether there is one more application, to a safety, that you could still send in at this point.
If you do have at least one application in to a safety, then get yourself some ice cream and try not to worry about it.
2 Likes
Initially I was going to post that your feelings are common. But then your next post makes things seem more serious.
Have you spoken with your HS counselor about these feelings? They can give you tools to cope.
I would gently suggest that you just don’t talk with your friends and family about decisions right now. That just ratchets up the pressure and angst.
I’m not sure what your list looks like, but if you want help to identify some schools still taking apps, posters here can help you.
Hugs and good luck.
9 Likes
Most colleges don’t issue likely letters or similar early signals, and I think even for those that do, likely letters only go to a fraction of the students who are admitted. I’m not saying you’ll get into Princeton (I don’t know, and neither do you), but your friends’ early signs of admission have no bearing on where you’ll get in.
March is a tense month for applicants waiting on RD notifications. There’s no getting around that. I don’t expect your friends to know better, in their own nervousness and giddiness, but I do expect your family to be better behaved. They should take their cues from your mood.
You may or may not get into your top choice. But as long as you applied to at least one safety, you’ll get in somewhere, and after this moment of uncertainty, you’ll have something to celebrate!
2 Likes
Did you apply to any college where admission and affordability are assured for you?
1 Like
Yes, I applied to some safety schools. Hopefully I at least get into one college. At this point, I’m very desperate.
I really appreciate this, thank you very much
1 Like
Definitely not talking about decisions anymore
1 Like
Yes, I applied to some safeties, and hopefully I’ll get in. I really do appreciate this, taking your precious time to reply means a lot. I’m feeling a lot better now. Thanks, everyone.
lots of love.
5 Likes
If they’re safe and you can afford, there’s no desperation. And if you mis calibrated, let us know your stats and desires and there’s many schools who’d love to have you, some of which would give you a decision very quickly.
You are far from desperate. But it sounds like you only or mainly applied to schools that provide late decisions.
You’re going to look back in life, and realize this was a nothing burger because it’s all going to be fine.
I also am a bit worried about this. It’s normal feeling angst. You need to tell your family no more college talk. Let your parents tell their friends that might ask you about your next steps. Tell your parents no shopping. Be honest with them. Definitely talk to your school’s counselor.
I assume you applied to your local university? Sometimes being the big fish has its advantages.
Also, and this has me concerned, how are you going to handle the daily pressure of keeping up or being good enough/and /or your families expectations of you ? It’s a lot.
What happens when you attempt to join clubs, activities, internships, Jobs, that you might not get?
Every student deserves to go to college that wants to. All good student’s mostly worked hard to get their grades. My point is you’re all deserving. There are only so many seats in college. It’s hard not to take it personally. But it’s not about you. It’s the college building a class of what “they”need.
You can only control what you can control. Yep, it’s a stressful month or so
But if you’re Princeton caliber student you’re going to excel anywhere.
BTW - a good friend’s son got rejected from Princeton. He and his family couldn’t understand it. He had impressive ECs etc. Looking back he told me it was one of the best things that happened to him. He excelled in undergrad and had a great time doing it.
2 Likes