<p>Sorry to say that we had a conflict at Christmas. My daughter’s schedule was changed after I ordered tickets. I had gotten really worried about international flights filling up, and doubling in price, so I had bought her a ticket, hoping her finals would not change. Well, they did change one. I appealed to them about losing the money for the one, having to buy the second even more expensive ticket. I also threw in that my daughter would be celebrating her 18th birthday without her family if she couldn’t come home as scheduled. They were very “understanding”, but did not budge. I also threw in how worried I was about her getting stuck in snowstorms and having to stay in a hotel alone for Christmas. (THAT really, really worried me.) Still not an inch. They did look up flights to show me they were still available (booked from Boston to Detroit, via Toronto, then on to Frankfurt!!!) for a “reasonable” $1400. </p>
<p>In other words, I think someone will have to die to get a break on a schedule conflict. (The professor in question even submitted in writing that he was willing to let a local professor proctor her here…) Everyone was so nice about it, but still, no change.</p>
<p>On another note, SewHappy- my daughter claims her dorm is clean with no vermin, but when she Skyped me today, I saw her Christmas stocking hanging on the wall behind her. “Oh, I didn’t notice.” was her reply when I asked about it. So maybe we should take her thoughts on cleanliness with a grain of salt…</p>
<p>Let me solicit some parental feedback from you all. Students all go through changes when they go to college - or at least, they should. Most we like, sometimes we encounter a change that we don’t. With two Ds at Harvard, just about all has been good.</p>
<p>However D1, who’s set to graduate in a couple months, has developed one communication trait that I’d like to address with her over Spring Break. After nearly four years at H, she’ll now interrupt your question or statement to begin her response. She doesn’t mean to be rude by it, but it can be annoying - she’ll either finish your question for you or assume she knows enough about your comment to begin her own. I never saw that before college.</p>
<p>Now this could be a trait that she’s picked up from someone close to her, or it could be endemic to a campus culture in which everyone is so bright and verbal that you need to become a little assertive to make yourself heard. Or, I may have been living in the South long enough that I’ve gone native and adjusted to a slower, more genteel, conversation ritual while D1 has acculturated to a typical Northeast urban mode. Regardless, I think it would be something about which she needs to be aware before she goes into job interviews, since she’s an excellent interviewee otherwise.</p>
<p>Has anyone seen a similar conversational pattern from their student since s/he’s been at Harvard?</p>
<p>gadad - I think its a combination of locational (southern v. NE) and generational, with a little bit of Harvard thrown in. My son is not very patient with his mother, partly because she doesn’t always use the “proper” term for something (usually technical) and partly because he does know what she is trying to ask about, usually before she finishes. I didn’t notice it when we were having dinner with my son and his two roommates, but your observation will be something useful to look for in the future.</p>
<p>Gadad- my son at Harvard does this to me sometimes, but so does his brother who is still in high school. They both may be doing it more than they used to, but I may be talking a bit slower than I used to, I’m not sure. So I’ve noticed something changing but nothing I could pin on son’s college experience.</p>
<p>Funny. It’s the opposite for me. I’m a verbal gusher and they both (the kid at harvard and the one still in high school) remain utterly silent as I babble until I realize how silly I sound and finally trail off. How I’d love to have a kid talk over me! Silence can be a very powerful conversational weapon, GADAD. My kids are often quite silent with me and I get the feeling they are musing over a curious life form – me! When I glimpse then with friends and see them gushing like me it just shocks me.</p>
<p>My daughter came out of Harvard perhaps more witty in her conversation than when she went in, but she did not develop any habits of stepping on other speakers that I’ve noticed. She didn’t start swearing either. She talks like much the same gal to my ear, just more confident and polished in her speech.</p>
<p>gadad,
I have had the exact same experience with my D! I makes me wonder whether all of those active minds need to fight to be heard in that environment. The good news is that it seems what she is saying is usually right.</p>
<p>Housing day - I posted on the housing day thread but I thought I would check in w/ fellow parents. D’s group (the girls) got Quincy and her linking group (the guys) got Lowell. Comments?</p>
<p>I don’t think I have ever posted here, but I have followed this thread quite a bit. What a wealth of information and insights! Now, however, I could really use your input. My son is now a sophomore. He lives in Eliot but has put his name on the waiting list for Dudley Co-op. I have some reservations about such a move–the distance from campus, lack of transportation, the very small community (32 students), the fact that he will not be able to eat in any of the other houses’ dining halls, etc. I am also concerned how this might affect his financial aid package. Anyway, I have searched this thread and haven’t seen any postings on the Co-op. He says he likes Eliot (who wouldn’t?!) but thinks he would learn many valuable life skills at the Co-op–cooking, baking, to name a few. I am concerned that the additional responsibilities required of the residents at the co-op will add more stress to his life. Even now when I talk to him he is always hard at work with his classes and seems overwhelmed at times. I wonder if this is really the right time to move off campus, so to speak. We live overseas, and I have to say, I feel a sense of comfort knowing that he is in a place that provides good meals, helpful tutors and deans, and a larger support group. I would very much welcome your thoughts. Thank you.</p>
<p>I understand your concern, and the “all provided” aspect of dorm life appeals to me. However. our oldest went to a school where the meal plan was optional, and he decided to go off of it and feed himself jr and sr years- we agreed to pay him the cost of the meal plan. He learned how to cook, and between that and eating out he fed himself well and stayed healthy, all for less than the board plan. It did take some time shopping, cooking etc.; and for that it helped that his roommates were into the same thing.
Bottom line: I think this really depends on the kid. It will take some time, and it will mean missing out on the dining-hall social scene, but it is also valuable to learn to shop for food and cook it. In our son’s case he could go off board while staying in the main dorms; Harvard doesn’t allow that, and I’d worry that a quiet reserved kid could loose contact with everyone else, but a social outgoing kid could be fine.</p>
<p>DVK: Do you have any idea what your son’s future plans look like? The tutors, pre-med committees and such at the houses are invaluable for students who are applying to higher level programs. I’m not sure what the co-op offers in that respect.</p>
<p>dvk - the coop website indicates the residents share in advising and tutoring at another house.</p>
<p>I think it sounded very cool from the description but the vegetarian aspect would have never worked for my boy. It also says it’s a less expensive option than the houses. I’d be supportive.</p>
<p>From the info that I’ve picked up from my daughter who has friends that are happily living there, the co-op is more quirky than the houses. Perhaps this may be what is appealing to your son.</p>