<p>Hmmmm . . . guess this must be directed at me, as well as perhaps others. Not quite sure how best to respond, or even if it makes sense to respond at all. </p>
<p>I certainly wasn’t intending to be contentious about this in the first place. And I’m certainly happy that my son goes to Harvard, in light of all the amazing opportunities it offers. But I expect that I’d also be happy if he went to any number of other schools (albeit perhaps in other ways). And I don’t know that I’m any happier that he goes to Harvard than I would be if he went somewhere else. (When he was applying to schools, and even after the acceptances came in, I had a pretty strong bias in favor of small liberal arts colleges - which I eventually overcame, with help from my son and after seeing some of the many opportunities that he’d have at H that he simply wouldn’t have at a smaller school [like, for instance, the chance to write for a terrific daily newspaper, which he does at H].)</p>
<p>But if others feel differently, hey, that’s fine - more than fine. Why should we, as parents, possibly all feel the same way about this (or about anything else for that matter)?</p>
<p>Oh, Epistrophy - it’s just the ever so affected posturing that brought the snarky post out in me. Well, duh - every parent is proud or at least here on CC every parent is “proud” of there kid in college. I have no idea if my second one will aspire to or be admitted to HYPS or any other college. So I’m acutely conscious that H is not the only avenue toward success in this society. In fact, I question daily if it’s worth the expense and the toil entailed to attend. Obviously, as a family we’ve decided that whatever it stands for in this society, it’s worth it. Education? Come on. My kid could be learning her organic chem and bio pretty much just as well at 100 other schools. It’s about the reputation and the caliber of students and the illustrious faculty.</p>
<p>I think the testimonials about how H is really just a peripheral issue for a parent is . . . well . . . posturing.</p>
<p>Well, mammall, let me just suggest a couple things, ever so gently: </p>
<p>–It appears that others may be willing to extend a courtesy to you that you seem to be unwilling to extend to them: the courtesy embodied in a willingness to regard others’ stated views as no less authentic and sincere than one’s own (at least until the contrary has been shown) - even if those views differ significantly from one’s own.</p>
<p>–Your last sentence is telling, I think. You refer to the way “a parent” would feel. Implicit there, it seems to me, are two related assumptions: (1) all parents must feel the same way about this sort of thing, and (2) if I feel X, then other parents must feel X, too.</p>
<p>At an admitted students/parents reception put on by local alumni, an alum speaker described the admitted students as having “The Golden Ticket.” That is exactly how I felt about my D’s admission: extremely proud, yes, but mostly extremely lucky. The part I feel most proud about is her ability to navigate, embrace, assimilate into, and love being at H. It can seem like a very intimidating place, but it turned out to be a perfect fit.</p>
<p>I am glad that Harvard seems to be a “perfect fit” for your D (it’s a very good fit for my S as well [if not necessarily “perfect” in every way]).</p>
<p>But I’ve got to tell you (and I’m not asking anyone else to feel the same way, I hasten to add) that I find this sort of talk—about Harvard providing “The Golden Ticket”—insufferably smug and self-satisfied. It’s as if Harvard were some sort of Mt. Olympus of higher education, towering over, and looking down on, everyone else. This sort of metaphor—and note carefully how the alum referred to Harvard as providing “The,” not “A” “Golden Ticket”—says very little, I think, about Harvard itself; but it says a great deal about our society’s obsessions with exclusivity, with status, with rankings, etc.</p>
<p>I understand your interpretation of “The Golden Ticket” comment, but I don’t agree with it. “The Golden Ticket” in Willy Wonka was the kid’s ticket (earned by sheer luck) to a chance to win (by doing the right things) the candy factory. I look at a Harvard admission the same: a chance (not a guarantee) to attain something big, by doing the right thing with it.</p>
<p>Golden Ticket is very much how we see it. Huge luck involved. Enormous advantages throughout life. Not strictly fair, probably, in who gets this golden ticket. Absurd to pretend otherwise. OTO, given the extraordinary competition today, certainly no student handed this ticket is not deserving. Thus - we are proud and grateful and embracing the opportunity for our child.</p>
<p>And we certainly don’t view our child attending Harvard as inconsequential, casual, not worthy of attention. It is huge.</p>
<p>I guess that having kids at Harvard is probably a bigger thing for me than for my Ds. They never expected to get in - the first one didn’t even have it on her radar until Sept. of her senior year - and they were quite enamored of Northwestern and Georgetown, respectively. And I was pretty excited about their prospects at N and G too. Once they decided to apply to H, they threw everything they had into it so they were pretty fired up by the acceptances. But they’re rather understated about it now. They didn’t have the historical perspective I did to appreciate how iconic H is, and of course, it’s just “college” to them - they have no other frame of reference for what “college” entails to which to compare H.</p>
<p>But I’ve been a college aficionado since the age of six, when my favorite sister went off to college. I had a life-altering college experience of my own and decided to pursue a career in college administration. College life is my avocation as well as my career - I love visiting and learning about campuses in my free time. So I often feel like a dad who spends his kids’ childhoods avidly coaching their Little League teams and then suddenly finds both his sons starting in the same NY Yankees infield.</p>
<p>I just love the atmosphere at Harvard. We went up yesterday to visit and bring some of the winter things that my d couldn’t bring up back in September. It was a beautiful day and we got to eat lunch at her dorm (Quincy) for free!</p>
<p>Oh my, gadad, you got me there! Apparently the opinion I hold close to my heart about my daughter’s “brilliance” is not shared by admission committees at several institutions of higher learning much less choosy than Harvard! Your children have been deemed as “most brilliant” unless Harvard, too, is admitting students for reasons other than academic or scholarly superiority. </p>
<p>I think if one of my children was accepted to Harvard I would be busting my buttons! It is the grand prize in the intellectual carnival! Would I still be MORE proud of my children’s fine character and integrity? Of course! But to have that crimson bragtag on the back of my car…ooh…I’d be lying if I said it wouldn’t be wonderful! That’s all – for me it’s just a fantasy – you all are living it and know the place, and how well it suits your individual children, and can comment on the experience from a different perspective.</p>
<p>Really, I came over to this thread much as a kid from the other side of the tracks would press his nose against the window of the country club to see what goes on in there. Thanks for letting me take a peek!</p>
<p>jnsq, Uhmmm…I doubt that there are many H parents who have Harvard stickers in back of their cars. Although I have seen stickers on vehicles that say “{U of XXXXXX} Parent”, I have yet to see one from Harvard. </p>
<p>As proud as I am of DD, when I am having a conversation with acquaintances, I steer away from the “H Bomb”, as it has come to be known on CC. I find it very awkward to talk to others about DD going to Harvard. In fact, if I am asked where she goes to school, I always answer by saying that she goes to school in Boston.</p>
<p>JNSQ - When my D1 was applying to Harvard, there was a male student in the next county who is one of the top students ever produced by our area or state. He had a 2400, a 4.0, several national science awards, lots of leadership and service, and was featured in a banner headline and story on the front page of the regional newspaper in the state. D1 got into H, he didn’t. I don’t know why, though I suspect that they may have just filled their quota of geniuses with 2400s from magnet schools and were still open to writer-sopranos from public schools in poor rural counties. I’ve since seen him on the cover of a statewide magazine and wondered what the others must be like that H chose when they missed him. It doesn’t always make a lot of sense.</p>
<p>This issue has come up repeatedly, on other threads if not this one.</p>
<p>For what it’s worth, I think that the response, as a Harvard parent, when someone asks you where your child goes to school can be real, real simple. I just tell the person who has asked—as directly and matter-of-factly as if I were responding to a question about my son’s age—“Harvard.” Yes, the immediate response to this is sometimes “oh, wow!” But then the conversation moves on in one direction or another from there. Believe it or not, other folks, in my experience, don’t seem too traumatized by this news at all.</p>
<p>This “H Bomb” stuff is, in my view (and, again, I hasten to add, lest I be misunderstood, that I’m not asking anyone else to agree with this), one of the more utterly ridiculous things relating to Harvard that I’ve encountered.</p>
<p>Harvard invitations are uncommon enough around here that the H-Bomb still has a powerful effect. Most recipients of the news try to act all cool and nonchalant, but behind the bombardier’s back there is a lot of chatter! I am sorry to say a great deal of it is catty. Sour grapes, in my opinion. </p>
<p>Do you find that your children feel pressure to continually prove themselves worthy to be at Harvard? Gadad – how did your daughter react to hearing about the exceptional boy who was rejected by Harvard?</p>
<p>Correct. I never put a Harvard decal on my car. Never felt a need to. Plus I didn’t want to take the chance that some envious psycho out there would take it as an invitation to vandalize my car.</p>
<p>Yikes, coureur – I never thought about the vandalism angle. That’s really sad. I can’t think of a single college parent in my town who doesn’t have a decal in their back window proclaiming where their child (and money) are going. Maybe it’s a regional thing.</p>
<p>je<em>ne</em>sais_quoi…I am sure your daughter as gadad said is among the “brilliant as well”. I have read in the past some of your posts and I would agree with him! My daughter didn’t get into the other two Ivies she applied to yet got into Harvard and in her safety school didn’t even get into the Honors program,(when we questioned it they said they were looking for diversity in their honors program, guess they didn’t need any more of her “type”). Who knows what little things stand out in a candidate.
So as my son applies to schools this year I keep having to tell myself that he will get into the right school for him. There were several schools that when we toured we left before the tour was over, it just didn’t feel right. (for example my son walked out of Princeton and Columbia’s tours-great schools just didn’t feel right for him) Where did your daughter end up going anyway? I hope she is enjoying her freshman year. I think in the end thats what really matters and isn’t that what we all want for our kids. I am proud but more than that I am glad that she is happy and feels so much like this was the right fit for her. I hope that your daughter is doing well where she is as well. </p>
<p>As to continually proving themselves worthy… I havent’ gotten that from my D but she is pretty laid back as far as that goes…and I didn’t get that feel from her roomies either, as a matter of fact I was fairly surprised at how normal they all seemed, none of her roommates had cured cancer or had started any non profits etc ha ha They all seemed wide in their interests rather than deep into any one thing. Maybe that’s why they were roomed together.</p>
They all seemed wide in their interests rather than deep into any one thing. Maybe that’s why they were roomed together.</p>