<p>My 8th grader wants to try out for high school cheerleader. Her tumbling is going so well that she’ll probably make it. </p>
<p>Everyone warns me about the high school cheer booster club fundraising obligations. They compete out of state every year (choir and drill team take big trips every other year.) Parents complain that it “runs their lives” and that it’s never over - the obligations go on all year and through the summer. The organization brags about paying all the expenses for every girl to do everything, but there are parents who pretty much beg their Ds to quit because they can’t stand the constant fundraising. A fellow 8th grade mom told me that her name has already come up to chair next year’s bingo, and tryouts aren’t until March!</p>
<p>D would be very upset if we told her she couldn’t try out for cheer. I guess I harbor a secret hope that she’ll try out and mess up all her tumbling and not make it, but that is a cruel thing to want. The booster club seems like such a roaring train that I don’t know if anything can make them change their ways.</p>
<p>No!!! A lot of the groups have “no buyout” policies because of “fairness” issues. (D’s freshman year in drill team, I ended up with 20 poinsettias that I had to give away because she had a quota of 20 to sell, sold 0 and no buyout permitted!)</p>
<p>I wouldn’t do it and I would be upfront and honest with my child about it. As long has she has other options for EC’s, I don’t think it is unreasonable to remove this EC from her list.
When the stress from an EC overflows and begins to flood any sense of normalcy in the home, it’s time to re-evaluate the reason for the EC.</p>
<p>Tell your D you will support her in anything she wants in life, share your concerns with her, and laugh with her about how crazy even the simplest decisions can get. </p>
<p>If she gets in, then help with the activities that you want to and seem reasonable. Other parents will talk but guess what some parents talk anyhow.</p>
<p>Fwiw, I think letting her know of your concerns and the limits on your time and willingness to make HER EC YOUR life will be enough to allow her to understand that it will be her committment. </p>
<p>I’ve certainly had to limit my participation in certain things and have let me kids know upfront that I’m not going to be the postermom for thier sport. In the long run, they’ve grown to appreciate the hands off attitude. Just my opinion, though. Sometimes it’s just too much for anyone. No?</p>
<p>I had thought about going to the pre-tryout parents meeting, getting the materials and reading them very carefully. A group one of our children was involved in gave the child demerits if the* parent *did not participate in certain activites.</p>
<p>Demerits? God, I hadn’t heard of demerits in ages. you have taken me back to my catholic school days. Demerits for my knee sox falling down into my saddle shoes. Good luck.</p>
<p>I know that drill team still gives demerits. Drill team is a class in school and before we were involved, the demerits were actually deductions to their grade! Can you imagine your child getting a 90 instead of a 100 on her report card because you couldn’t/wouldn’t help on a fundraising activity? Thank goodness that stopped. No idea what the cheer rules are.</p>
<p>Wow. Ouch. The demerit system was used by DS’s HS band director. I think it’s called coercion, no? We had five years in band (three of which both kids played) and, boy, does it get expensive. Each kid had to raise between $500 and $700 per year. Frankly, all three of us (me, DS, and DD) got tired of raising that kind of cash every year. DS finally dropped band just one year before a huge trip was scheduled. I would have hated to have had to raise the funds for that one. The bands were really bad at providing decent fundraising opportunities, too. Gift wrap paper? Frozen cookies? Come on.</p>
<p>For the past five years, I’ve had to deal with fundraising (or donating) to my children’s magnet program. (Yes, hundreds of dollars on top of the band money, and don’t forget about the club dues paid each year for each child.) This year I blew my stack. Got a notice that my DD would be put on the school debt list if I didn’t donate/fundraise $$$. Tried to talk to the magnet teacher to no avail. Finally ended up in the Vice Principal’s office. I admit I threw a hissy fit because I found out last year I was required to raise more funds than other parents (still don’t know why) and now a debt list? During the meeting with the Vice Principal, the magnet teacher couldn’t even tell me how the funds for this year were to be spent. Just really ticked me off. The short of it is that I paid the magnet program dues for the club DD is required to join (so much for free public education), but made it clear that I will not donate another hour of my time or another $ since the teacher can’t tell me what the money is for. Vice Principal agreed and made it clear DD would not be put on the school debt list. </p>
<p>How does this help you? Well, it doesn’t, but it was sure nice to get that off my chest. Don’t know what to tell you. Can you go to the principal and complain about the fundraising requirements? Many times the principal isn’t aware of what is going on in school clubs. He/She may be able to intervene. I think you have to weigh the fundraising time factor (as well as the practice and performance time factor) into deciding whether or not to allow your DD to try out for cheerleading. Is there an alternative tumbling group she can join that won’t put you in such a bind?</p>
<p>Yes. I wouldn’t let my son do our local teen theater – that not only costs a lot of money (that at the time we would have been able to pay) but also requires a great deal of parental service. </p>
<p>I think parents have every right to forbid ECs that would require a commitment from the parent that the parent is unable or unwilling to make.</p>
<p>My niece’s band works like this. They sell fruit and all kinds of other nonsense. My sister is a single low income parent. It all makes her life even harder. Not sure you can fight the system though.</p>
<p>We have swim teams that require loads of parental time and one of the obligations is in a smoke filled Bingo hall. I know several families that participate and all of them complain bitterly about it. I think there is a buyout but it’s already expensive just to swim and travel to out of town meets, the parents just suck up that smoke. I would not.</p>
<p>Usually there is no way to avoid blowback on the kid if the parent won’t do “their part” for the overly actively parental support group.</p>
<p>And that’s part of the discussion with kid: “you may go ahead and do this but I will not do all the work that the parent group requires. That will probably cause parents and some of your teammates to give you grief about that and may even result in some discrimination against you. I think it’d be better for you to do something with a group that is less judgmental.”</p>
<p>Would be good life lessons all around: if what you want to do as a kid requires the parent to do work, the parent gets to have a say about whether they will do that work or not; sometimes doing something you want to do carries “strings attached” that might end up being too burdensome; does the group you want to join have the kinds of values that you think are honorable and respectful."</p>
<p>Kei</p>
<p>P.S. ebeeee is almost right: you can’t fight that system and win; OP’s kid will almost assuredly suffer unless OP does all she is supposed to do.</p>
<p>From what I hear, if certain factions of the right-wing have their way, schools will drop every dime they currently put into EC’s and parents will be footing the bill completely.</p>
<p>What an absolute waste! A lot of times when a kid is trying to sell me something as a fundraiser, I’ll give them a few bucks instead. That’s what they’d make off of me buying the cookie dough/wrapping paper/giant inflatable balloon, it’s cheaper for me, and I don’t need to buy cheap overpriced useless junk. </p>
<p>A friend told her HS daughter straight up that drill team was going to be too expensive. The D wasn’t happy about it, but accepted it.</p>
<p>Tell me about it. With a profit of $4 a plant x 20 plants, the group could have come out the same had I written them an $80 check. Instead I had to write a $200 check and deal with 20 plants. I would have been thrilled to have written a $100 check ($20 in extra profit) but not permitted.</p>
<p>It is the mandatory selling that makes zero sense. I can see forcing everyone to take a shift at the car wash instead of buying out of the work. But what difference should it make to them if I sell X amount of the stuff or just write a check for the profit?</p>
<p>Missypie-This is a tough one. I sympathize with your D because it sounds as if she really wants to cheer and would be good at it. On the other hand, as a person who HATES selling anything ( and mom to two kids who hate selling, too) this would be really annoying. Do you know any of the moms on the current cheer squad that you feel comfortable talking to? Maybe you could suggest the check writing instead of selling or that the squad only do the big out of state thing every other year like glee club and drill team. With any luck you might find that others feel like you do.</p>
<p>Yes and that is on the agenda for me to do between now and tryouts. One is a freshman mom who was D’s 4th grade teacher. The other is a senior mom whose D didn’t try out senior year “so she could have fun her senior year.” How telling is that?</p>
<p>Whenever S encountered fund raisers, I always informed the supervising teachers/leaders we had no local relatives to ask, H would not let S ask his co-workers, and I was not buying stuff/popcorn/etc. I always offered to pay the average profit earnings of others in the group as a direct contribution. I was the messenger and that was always the end of the discussion…never a problem. Given the choice between a contribution and nothing, a contribution will be accepted.</p>
Good luck.</p>