<p>I guess this could classify as a call for help from parents.</p>
<p>My little brother is precocious and is enrolled in pre-calculus (he’s 11). However, the poor guy is getting burned out and has already adapted the “I Don’t Care” attitude that people usually get during the rocky teenage years. He’s doing well, don’t get me wrong, but people seem to be pushing him to the top when it’s not really what he wants. Heck, he’s already getting the college talk (which is why I’m on this board)! When I was 11, that was the farthest thing from my mind!</p>
<p>If there are any parents who’ve experienced this, am I just being paranoid?And if I am being paranoid, how would you handle this situation? Bombard him with more college talks? Bombard him with no college talks? He’s in 5th grade (started late), so obviously it’s not healthy to be worrying about anything at all.</p>
<p>Learning should just be a lot of fun for a precocious 11 year old. No way should he be burdened with talk about college if he doesn’t feel ready at this time. After all, he’s still very much a child. The average college student is a young adult. Just because he has the brain power, does not mean he has the emotional maturity necessary to cope in a college setting. The adults in his life should be taking their cues from him. He should be allowed to grow at his own academic pace in an environment appropriate to his age. If he’s starting to “burn out”, that’s a sure sign that he’s feeling unnecessarily pressured.</p>
<p>“The average college student is a young adult. Just because he has the brain power, does not mean he has the emotional maturity necessary to cope in a college setting.”</p>
<p>As impossible as it sounds, he’s more cynical/sarcastic/apathetic than many college students around here, and can handle it from an emotional aspect. However, he’s also starting to go through the Anakin Skywalker - Darth Vader conversion stage, and I’m starting to think this “burned out” feeling is setting a stage for rebelliousness. (Yes, many pre-teens rebel, but many also don’t.)</p>
<p>However bright your brother is, 11 is too early to think about college. There are many ways to challenge oneself academically without actually going to college; but the important thing is for the student to want to be challenged, not for others to think that he is capable of the work and throwing it at him willy-nilly.</p>
<p>My S began precalculus in 7th grade; he was very relieved to do so because he found 6th and 7th grade math so unchallenging that he was rebelling against school. Once he began working in math at his own level, his rebelliousness disappeared and his performance across the board improved greatly. We sought to address his academic interests with summer programs, going to the high school for specific classes, then returning to the elementary school for the rest. Once he was in high school, he began taking college classes in some subjects. At no time did we push him to take more advanced classes than he felt he could handle, and we told him he could always drop back if he did not like the class or did not do well in it.
Because he has taken college classes for the last three years, he feels comfortable being around college students. The other day, he went to someone’s dorm room to work on their lab report; he’s been part of study groups for the last couple of years. He is graduating at the end of junior year (and very happy to do so), but not very young, as he was never grade-skipped. And he will be part of a cohort of friends from the same high school going to the college.</p>
<p>I think the development of interpersonal skills is very important in these type individuals. If I were you, along with all the special advanced math classes I’d maybe have him do fun athletics with kids he can relate to, or maybe join a good boy scout troop . Eventually these kids will have to fit into the working world. A time will come when these type individuals will have to find their place in society and how well they achieve this will determine their real success in life. I mean, if the goal then is to be a full professor at 22, then how will this young person be able to handle this? How will he be able to cope? So that is why I think developing interpersonally, that is with all kinds of people, is so important.</p>
<p>In fact, I would highly recommend a good boy scout troop. In addition to male bonding and learning new skills, and opportunities at public speaking, a good troop takes all kinds of trips all over the country- cycling. hiking, canoes, etc. And your brother will learn how to succeed within an organization. And by doing so now it is not too late, as it would be a 13 . It would also put your brother at a slight disadvantage by joining now- which would be good for him. He is a great success academically but this would be a challenge of a different sort. Like, ’ Now we know how bright you are, but you are not in an advantage coming in scouts now, so this will be challenge for you- to earn the respect of the other boys in your group. It will not happen immediately but over time your good character with them will shine through.’ And colleges, ALL colleges, think highly of former scouts. A very good organization.</p>
<p>As the mom of two Eagle Scouts, I would add another note of recommendation for Boy Scouts. It is a great organization that develops leadership, survival skills, and many other good qualities. If your brother is now in 5th grade, that is the last level for Cub Scouts, so he could–anytime between February and May, depending on when they have Crossover in your area, start right into Boy Scouts and be a new boy along with several others.</p>
<p>As a side note, I also recall that 11 was a rocky age for both of my sons, neither of whom was pushed academically or under undue stress. It was just one of those stages they went through. I agree that an 11 yr old should not be pushed beyond what he himself wants to do, and any rebelliousness should be taken seriously. However, part of it could just be the age. (Mine got much mellower around 12.)</p>
<p>What kind of precalculus course is this? Was it his idea to sign up, or his parents’, or someone else’s? </p>
<p>(My son is in a precalculus course right now, about a year older. He likes it reasonably well. He does other advanced courses with our homeschooling group, and has begun thinking about college–that’s why I’m here on CC.)</p>
<p>Many boys go through a “tough guy” phase between 10 and 12. Look around - you’ll see the fighting, daring, bullying and a lot of resistance to adult input. I think of it as a natural separation phase, but there’s no denying it can be hard on a family. The kid starts to tune out the outside world and start living by his own impulses, some of which are insensitive to others and destructive to himself. </p>
<p>Bombarding him with dos and don’ts is just wearing out whatever tolerance for outsiders he’s got left. Is there a pattern to his school problems? There may be reason to test him for some hard-to-detect learning disabilities. Give him some autonomy in situations where he can’t hurt himself - for instance, if he drops or cuts back on the pre-calc and takes it up again next year, he’ll still be precocious, and probably have a stronger base for more advanced math. Your parents should talk to the program administrators and figure out the areas of concern and ways to help him solve his problems. Gifted children come in all shapes and sizes, and one of the confounding things is that they may be gifted in some areas and quite ordinary in others. Keep pushing for understanding of his problem. He is at an age where intervention can make a huge difference.</p>
<p>Another vote for Boy Scouts, talk to your parents about your concerns (are they the ones that are pushing him?) and the possibility of sports or Scouts. The great thing about Scouts is that it combines physical, mental and spiritual activity, not a tremendous amount of physical ability required. It also promotes leadership and teamwork - being part of the gang may be something he wants that he is not feeling right now.</p>
<p>I think I will talk to him about Boy Scouts. And for the record, my parents aren’t pushing him at all - in fact, they think it’s quite unhealthy. Try as my brother might to “not care”, he self-pressures too much.</p>
<p>Thanks, everyone. I haven’t thought about something like some sort of group until now.</p>
<p>Re Scouts: Shop for a troop. They all invite visitors and you should look for a good fit with the ASMs (assistant scoutmasters). They range the entire gamut from paramilitary to way too laid back. Find a group that fits your son’s needs. My son is also an Eagle Scout (with gold and silver palms), but we rejected the first troop we started to join and found a perfect match with a troop that is extremely active - at least one big activity a month: climbing, caving, wilderness survival, camping, backpacking, … Anyway, the point is that not all troops are the same and you need to find the best one for you son, if that’s a direction you want to go in.</p>
<p>First of all I do want to tell you that my boys started getting that attitude right around your brother’s age. Middle school. And I don’t think that’s unusual seeing other kids in the same boat. So it may or may not be the college talk or advanced math.</p>
<p>I don’t know how much talk there has been and how much pressure. Unfortunately, it is very difficult to find the right balance for kids who do not fit into a the normal mold and parents need to be proactive, trying many different approaches. And even something that works changes, as the child grows. And too often the schools are not cooperative mainly because they don’t want to do the extra work or research. </p>
<p>To help your parents with your brother, you might want to get some of the internet info on gifted children. The literature will give them more info and insights and alternatives.</p>
<p>First of all, most boys that age are obnoxious as others have stated. What makes you think his attitude is related to the math class? Does he like the math class? Most kids in this situation are absolutely thrilled to have the opportunity to do higher level math.</p>
<p>My S also started taking advanced high school math classes at age 11. I think it was his salvation. He was able to stay with his same age classmates for all his other subjects and activities, and is graduating this year with his class. </p>
<p>He also participated in both Boy Scouts and sports. He initially was not a very good athlete at all and we encouraged him to do it to get physical exercise. It was also good for him to pursue something he was not naturally good at. I think kids who are that gifted academically need to learn early on to learn to have to work at something, and that it’s OK to fail sometimes. </p>
<p>My S is also an Eagle Scout and is still very involved in his troop. To everyones surprise he also developed into a good athlete and will be on a Div.1 team in college. He also says that being on sports teams has helped him to normalize" him. You never know how kids will eventually develop.</p>
I haven’t thought about something like some sort of group until now.</p>