i work in schools with kids in the age range where this pattern of speech often begins. I see a trend of very intelligent girls who are seen as nerdy and unapproachable adopt this as they strive for social acceptance. Through elementary everyone just does themselves but as they reach upper elementary and middle school they begin to really notice status and the characteristics of those who are more accepted and popular.
The kids who are socially aware begin to mimic those that are social superstars. Unfortunately for our girls this is often a coy, needy, playful, and sweet demeanor and sound. these girls are seen as more friendly, likable, and attractive. The kids who struggle with social clues or have no desire to fit in socially with the popular masses often do not adopt this pattern and this creates the impression that more appropriate speech patterns are odd. In our setting, as the kids mature and find their tribe they are less likely to continue this mimicry which is why we don’t hear it much in the high school.
I think context matters for speech. Work or conference presentations are different than chatting with a friend; that can require the acquisition of specific skills, some acquire them organically over time and others need help. (Good if people are even speaking to each other instead of texting these days.)
I find it most difficult to listen people who giggle as they speak, regardless of the seriousness of the topic. I have seen girls and women do this more than boys and men; it is distracting from whatever point they are trying to make, perhaps a nervous habit. The giggling has an almost literal effect of erasing whatever they said last and the ones I know who do this tend to present themselves in tentative ways. I can imagine this impacting both personal relationships and career trajectories. Some colleges require a certain number of courses (across disciplines) that specifically include oral presentations; seems like a good idea to work on those skills prior to interviewing and entering the work force.
@travelnut: “I find it most difficult to listen people who giggle as they speak, regardless of the seriousness of the topic.”
I find the giggling to be a form of self-effacement and near back-pedaling that some speakers affect, again in order to sound less insistent on their point in case someone finds offense at, or even simple disagreement with, their statement. It does undermine the seriousness of anything offered up in conversation.
I find the peppering of ‘lol’ in texts to have the exact impact.
I can’t stand up-talking because it reminds me of the Kardashians! (Kim is guilty of vocal fry too). Maybe mentioning this to the up-talking daughter (once, not as a nag) would make her really think of how it sounds. Unless she idolizes the Kardashians of course. Then definitely do not do this!
@TS0104 Funny, whenever my kids are on their phones too much I ask them what the Kardashians are doing. They are the exact thing I think of when I think of up talking. (BTW, my kids aren’t into the Kardashians though its hard for anyone to escape them given their presence on the internet).
Your friend’s daughter makes excellent points! I’m 52, and even I would use “like” for emphasis if someone had 10 siblings. I dropped my 11-year-old off at school today. She said, “Oh! There’s my squad!” She was referring to 3-4 female classmates in her class of 12. She refers to us as “fam.” (It’s “cringy,” but we endure. I suppose we appreciate the fact that she still acknowledges we’re relatives, LOL.)
