<p>Did you have to motivate your child to keep their grades up or were they self-motivated? </p>
<p>Did you motivate until they became self-motivated? </p>
<p>Do you think that peer pressure played a part in their success during school? </p>
<p>How big of an influence were you in your child’s turning in their assignments on time?</p>
<ol>
<li><p>If you are talking since 1st grade, I’d say yes, I motivated my children until a certain age, before they were aware that it was just as important to learn spelling and figures as it was to play outside.</p></li>
<li><p>Yes, see #1</p></li>
<li><p>Yes, in HS they were always in classes with other students who were very motivated.</p></li>
<li><p>They always did their homework promptly. However, sometimes my oldest would be an airhead and leave something on his desk at home :(. I never had to convince either of the importance of at least attempting 
to turn their assignments in on time.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>S1 was pretty much self-motivated all through school. He always got the job done and almost always did well. School came easily for him.</p>
<p>S2 has been the complete opposite, have always had to push,pull, threaten, you name it, all the way. Even when he manages to turn it in, something is usually missing or skipped or done wrong. S2 has never liked school.</p>
<p>Both were always in honors classes…go figure.</p>
<ol>
<li>My both sons are very self-motivated since they were very little. It might be because we emphasize their learning and school. Their school works come before anything else. We do not have a cable TV either. That helps a lot. </li>
<li>Yes.</li>
<li>Expectations from teachers and fellow students keep them focused on their academics.</li>
<li>It was never an issue. They turn their assignments early when there is an opportunity for extra credits.</li>
</ol>
<p>I have enough problems remembering to do the things I need to do on time- let alone trying to help children remember their things
By the time I remember that they had a report due on Monday or an assignment resubmitted by Friday, it is two weeks past when it was due, so they either already took care of it- or it is too late anyway!
But at least the oldest learned enough in K-12 to get herself through her thesis :)</p>
<ol>
<li>I nagged my kids to do their homework in elementary school, but I didn’t worry about their grades.</li>
<li>My oldest isn’t exactly motivated, but he did what it took in high school to get As, often not much. I thought he chose to believe he couldn’t get A’s in English, but I felt it was up to him not to me. My younger son needs to have more confidence in his abilities. At the beginning of the year after some pretty mediocre grades (C’s) in a couple of subjects we worked with the teachers to make sure we knew when tests were coming up. By the end of the year he was doing much better without help from us.</li>
<li>My oldest son is pretty impervious to peer pressure, but I think being around a bunch of high achieving kids rubs off anyway. Friends of his cared much more about their ranks than he did. Younger son has similar group of friends, but he’s got some issues that make school work harder for him. He’s really benefit from more time on tests, but he ditched a 504 plan.</li>
<li>My kids are much better than I am at keeping track of due dates, especially once they started implementing agendas at school.</li>
</ol>
<p>I learned when my daughter was just beginning elementary school that she rose (or fell) to expectations. I’ll never forget when she came home from her first day of fourth grade, the first year students received letter grades, and proudly announced that she was going to aim for all C’s because she wanted to be “average.” (Of course, this is the same kid who, every year from first grade through eighth, came home crying the first week of school, afraid that she would never graduate to the next grade.)</p>
<p>In any case, I tried to “motivate” her through reasonable but still high expectations of performance. “Doing her best,” no matter the grade result, was the stated goal. Eventually, she internalized this philosophy and began to self-motivate. </p>
<p>Because my daughter is pretty much her own person (she has rarely caved to peer pressure – not in what she wears or what she does or what she says), I can’t say that peer pressure had a lot to do with her success, although certainly hanging out with the “smart kids” provided some good peer role models for her.</p>
<p>I think, however, that the underlying meaning in the OP of “motivate” may really mean “bribe” – i.e. pay for grades or offer other incentives for performance. For some kids, this is the only way to go for a while. My nephew is really bright but lazy – he deems things such as homework and quizzes as not worth his time – and he has needed some major bribery to keep himself on track. Unfortunately, I think this kind of motivation may have come too late to have a long term effect.</p>
<p>DD had lots of internal motivation up until middle school age. After that, she became “Miss Procrastinator” but she always did a great job at the last minute. She had a bit of Senioritis last quarter (the only time she didn’t make high honors in h.s.) but I attributed that to having her college acceptances in hand (then making the college decision). Luckily for her, she had no major projects due the last quarter of Senior Year, just tests.</p>
<p>I’m just hoping she doesn’t procrastinate too much in college, or she might find herself in trouble.</p>
<p>S was very self-motivated but had to be reminded to start projects in enough time to complete them and do a good job. Even college students underestimate the time it takes to do research and write a paper, leaving time for contingencies such as being unable to borrow a particular book or having to depend on interlibrary loans.
I never promised rewards for finishing homework or doing well. Both we and the teachers expected S to do as well as he could, not as well or better than other students. Middle school teachers told us they graded him accordingly.</p>
<p>I’ve never paid for grades. Occasionally we’ll order pizza or go to a restaurant to celebrate good grades or awards.</p>
<p>16 yr old D has been fiercely independent & self-motivated from a very young age. She seems impervious to peer pressure, both good AND bad, as well. She doesn’t tolerate parental meddling in or even normal curiosity about her schooolwork. She has labeled most of the summer leadership programs that friends have taken part in as “suck-up” and “pointless” activities to fill up college applications. She may be right; she may be wrong. But colleges will see a genuine applicant & can take it from there. </p>
<p>Son is a 10 year old with ADD. He needs prodding, nagging, overseeing, and constant parental vigilance. And that’s just to get him out the door each morning.</p>
<p>“I think, however, that the underlying meaning in the OP of “motivate” may really mean “bribe” – i.e. pay for grades or offer other incentives.”</p>
<p>OP here, and not at all regarding the above statement. I was looking more for the verbal redirectives, but for those who did use merchandise or money, pls. do post. :)</p>
<p>Personally, I believe motivation is internal, and efforts to motivate, push people to do things, cajole, etc. are rarely fruitful. It’s like trying to make someone eat or diet; these things work best when the person has decided to effect change in his/her own life.</p>
<p>I occasionally serve as the manager of time and schedule, or reminder of deadlines, but not as the motivator. By the end of high school, if kids haven’t learned to self motivate, they will have a heck of a time in college, when mom isn’t there to pick up all the pieces.</p>
<p>For both of my kids, I delegated the homework and keep track of things to them. I think their elementary schools taught them to use a planner, they seem to form a good habit that stays with them till now. Even for practicing piano, that is their thing, I don’t want to have to sit next to them, etc…( I’ve seen other parents do that)
The oldest one I did care about her grades but she was very mature for age and never missed any homework. However, with the youngest one I learned from experience, so I basically had a lazy mom’s approach and things seem to work out fine. Actually the second one is more of a perfectionist and that is what I have to watch out for. I have to keep telling the second kid that is ok not to be on top of things.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>worked hands on with S from infancy to develop love of learning --self-motivated by time school rolled around.</p></li>
<li><p>See #1 </p></li>
<li><p>S liked peer competition which helped foster success during school </p></li>
<li><p>S was told from day one that school was his job and directly related to privileges. Messed up big time in beginning of 4th grade when he transferred to prep school, but detention at school resulted in him turning in the assignments on time thereafter.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Each of my boys is self-movtivating, but each in his own way.</p>
<p>Sweet S#2 just graduated from high school. Learning motivates him, but grades never have–and his hs grades reflected that. His grades have been all over the place. </p>
<p>He’s the kid who knows and understands the difficult material, and writes excellent papers (he received an A+ on a paper in a senior honors history seminar he took, and was the only A in the class at all–and the teacher (a PH.D) teaches the same class as an adjunct professor at Ohio State, wrote him a letter saying his paper was also better than those of his college studetns) --but doesn’t “do” posters or other things he considers juvenile or worthless and so lost a lot of “points” on his assignments. He keeps his notebooks meticulously organized but lost points in some classes with “notebook checks” because he keeps his notebooks chronologically so information on each topic is kept together but the teachers specified dividers for class notes, reading notes, homework assignments, handouts etc. </p>
<p>Suggesting to him that his attitude sometimes results in him shooting himself in the foot didn’t do anything–he would suggest back to us that he would rather spend his time doing something he considered worthwhile instead of making an inane campaign poster or “disorganizing” his notebook so that he could not use it to study effectively.</p>
<p>So this is the kid who has published a number of stories and articles and won a good number of essay contests and got 5s on his AP Lang and AP lit exams but consistently got a B or B+ in English because of things he chose not to do.</p>
<p>His grades impacted his college applications for sure–but he will do just fine in college and in life. He will never be asked to make another poster about Jane Austen or the life cycle of the fruit fly.</p>
<p>It depends on each kid’s personality. My younger son naturally pays attention in everything he does even at sports camps. He is one of few kids who will follow instructions when nobody else does. I don’t think I tried to instill that in him. It just comes natural for him. He also is driven by other’s expectations. Higher expectations better performances. Sometimes it worries me that he stress os much more than he should for his age. I am trying to help him balance his emotions and expectations of himself.</p>
<p>I’ll answer (I’m a student, fwiw)</p>
<p>–> Did you have to motivate your child to keep their grades up or were they self-motivated?
I wasn’t the most motivated kid in high school. My mom would try to push me but I would make her back off. It worked, on my part – not so much for her. In middle school, I had excellent grades but I didn’t need to try to achieve them (which says something about my schools). By high school, I was in the most rigorous program available in my district and frankly…I totally bombed with grades. I blame it on several things – both personal and external.</p>
<p>–> Did you motivate until they became self-motivated?
I think HS has taught me a couple of things about motivation. I’m going to try hard in college and see if this crazy little thing called ‘motivation’ works. I’m afraid that I’m going to go crashing back into ProcrastinatorStudent, though, so I’m not sure how I’ll turn out.</p>
<p>–> Do you think that peer pressure played a part in their success during school?
Yeah, a little. But it wasn’t so much peer pressure as it was my friends just happened to be some of the BEST students in school (one of them was #6 in my class). Actually, I would say that almost ALL of my friends did better than me. It was more of a self-esteem thing more than anything else. My friends never pressured me. They didn’t really care (not to say that they didn’t care about me – I mean that they didn’t feel it was their business and that it was my problem, which was 100% true).</p>
<p>–> How big of an influence were you in your child’s turning in their assignments on time?
My mom: not really. In HS, this was bad. In college, I do think it’ll be a different story. HOPEFULLY.</p>