<p>Ha, this might just be a fantasy since I need more courage to decide… cremate and ashes will be mixed in the fireworks to be shot up on July 4th. That would be cool. And music… Chopin’s or Beethoven’s funeral march, anything Bach, Mozart’s requiem, Roy Clark’s Yesterday would be fine.</p>
<p>My sister and I have had to deal with funeral arrangements for both of our parents. (This is the final consequence of having divorced parents – the kids have to deal with funeral arrangements and estates twice, instead of one spouse doing it for the other when the first one dies.)</p>
<p>Each of my parents specified only the parts of the arrangements that were important to them – cremation for my mom, an obituary for my dad. The rest was left up to us. </p>
<p>I thought this was nice of them. Funerals (or the lack of funerals, which is more common in my family) are for the living. Except for specific things that were important to the deceased person, I think that most of the arrangements should be left up to the surviving family members.</p>
<p>My will specifies that I want to be cremated; that’s the one and only thing that’s important to me. I have not specified anything else, and I don’t intend to. I hope that my family does whatever’s most comfortable for them at the time.</p>
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<p>Yes. Definitely. Cremation saved my sister and me a bundle when our parents died, and I hope it saves my kids a bundle when I die.</p>
<p>Another nice thing about cremation is that you have a choice about what to do with the ashes. In addition to scattering (which is what my mom wanted), there are several other options. One is burial of the ashes in a close relative’s grave or a family plot, and this can be done even if the plot is full. There are several cases in my family where someone’s ashes were placed in a spouse’s grave or a family plot because that’s what they wanted.</p>
<p>mathmom, I hadn’t even considered waiting a few days for a memorial service. What a great idea, though I can’t imagine dh’s family going for it should dh go first.</p>
<p>Speaking of, when my SIL died I thought her church/family did some stuff backward. For instance, our family was on the hook for the meal after the burial, a big catered affair. In my mom’s church, the church provides it – the bereavement committee buys/makes food. I’m curious what others do … When her father, my FIL, died, the church sent over food and drinks to feed the masses who came to the house, but that didn’t happen this time. She was quite an important figure in the church so I can’t imagine that it was a status thing.</p>
<p>Marian -</p>
<p>Thank you. My husband wants his family and friends on the boat. My youngest hates boats as much as I do but the others either enjoy it or are neutral. I guess if I’m still alive I’ll dope up on Dramamine.</p>
<p>If I had military service, I’d want people to know about it as well.</p>
<p>My mom is all set up to donate her body to a medical school. </p>
<p>DH wants to be cremated & sprinkled on a golf course (a nice one, not the old dumps he had to play back in the salad days.)</p>
<p>As for me, I’m not sure yet. I’ve leaned over the kids a few times during a hymn in church & said “hey this would be good to play at my funeral!” and they were horrified :)</p>
<p>I haven’t planned the details, but I have told my H and kids that I want to be cremated.</p>
<p>I’ve been in charge of three funerals of close family members. For me it ‘gave me something to do’ with my grief, so I appreciated the responsibility. I’ve not thought much of my own but im quite conscious of my own mortality and not fearful of it now. I want to be cremated and that part is clear to everyone but the rest I just don’t care about. </p>
<p>I’m not really going to be there so I’m indifferent to the funeral part. To me, it’s not for the dead but the living. They should do what feels right to them. And we keep things low key, home-made and pretty simple in our family. </p>
<p>Those that insist on no funeral aren’t necessarily doing a favor for their loved ones, who may have difficulty getting closure without a ceremony, and find it stressful trying to explain it to others and deal with others’ needs to participate in some kind of ceremony.</p>
<p>From experience I’d also like to mention that if you have some very specific ideas about what you want done, either do the research to figure out what’s realistic, or give your family latitude to bail if not realistic. We had such a guilt-ridden hard time trying to scatter ashes in a requested place…sure it sounded like a great idea but it turned out so hard to fulfill!</p>
<p>I haven’t really thought of what I do want. have a couple of don’t wants. The main one being NO OPEN CASKET. I have been to a couple of funerals with open caskets and found the idea quite hideous. At one, they actually rolled the casket to the exit then tilted it so you could not avoid seeing the deceased as you left. Horrible.</p>
<p>No keeping me around the house in an urn, box, cat litter tray, whatever. </p>
<p>I like the idea of being cremated (a fearful throwback to buried alive type movies). And i do think I would like the being scattered at sea idea. Otherwise, haven’t given it too much thought.</p>
<p>I have told my wife (and perhaps I should put this in writing) that I want to be disposed of as cheaply as possible. Whenever she chooses the cheaper option (cremation, plastic urn, no urn etc) she may invoke, “That is what he wanted.” But the real truth is, it won’t matter what I wanted. I will be gone and therefore won’t care. She can do whatever she wants with me, for me, after I am gone. Whatever will make her feel better. (This is all assuming I go first). Please let my wife know my wishes. Thank you CC.</p>
<p>Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours. Yogi Berra</p>
<p>A lot of us seem pretty unsentimental about our deaths.</p>
<p>Not in great detail, but I want to be cremated in the area where I die. I travel a lot and I’m having close family and friends living on 3 different continents. Local memorials are fine, but I think that it is a waste of money and energy to fly ‘me’ to any of the 3 continents.</p>
<p>Post 28–I’m with you on the open casket thing. I hate being the center of attention now. The thought of lying there dead and plasticized while people comment on “how good she looks” horrifies me. Unless there is a bad accident, almost all funerals are open casket in my area.</p>
<p>Almost all meals are provided by the church ladies. I don’t think they truly charge, but the family often provides a small donation.</p>
<p>The cost of funerals are huge and as an accountant, make me cringe at all that money being spent. However, the genealogist in me wants a tombstone–a big, upright, really well carved easily legible marker.</p>
<p>I haven’t done anything about any of this yet, although my mom and I bought the 6 plots next to our beloved babysitter when she died. We wanted to know our neighbors 
I bought 4 of them–I have 3 kids and a H. I haven’t figured out why I bought 4 instead of 5.</p>
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<p>That’s a good point. I have told Mr PMK, and he has told me, to go along with what PMKjr wants to do. We’ll be dead, it won’t matter to us but it might matter to our son. I’ve made my few wishes known as a guideline during a time when it can be hard to make decisions but I also need to let them know that it’s okay to do something different, if that would be more meaningful/easier. Thanks for the reminder.</p>
<p>I’ve always known I want to be cremated. During half-time at one of our Titans games, I once told my DH and DD that I’d like my ashes to be tossed in the air during a touchdown. DD cried, “Oh, gross!” Of course I was teasing but I wouldn’t mind a few of those ashes being sprinkled on the field. For some reason, my husband had always said he didn’t know if he could have me cremated or not. I told him a person’s wishes should always be followed upon their death.</p>
<p>When my FIL died last September, he was cremated and we had a lovely memorial service. My DH, a film and video editor, put together a fabulous DVD with musical background that included pictures and video of FIL from a very young age up until his death. We played that during the visitation period before the memorial service. The next month, we took some of FIL’s ashes to Florida, placed them in a special heart-shaped biodegradable box that we purchased from a company specifically for this purpose, took the family boat out on the ocean, and watched our favorite captain float off into the sunset. </p>
<p>My husband has since decided that he, too, wants to be cremated when the time comes. Except for the cremation part, neither DH or I have specific directions for what should be done upon our death. We really need to take care of that.</p>
<p>speaking of videos… my cousin did a living history video with my aunt for her 90th birthday celebration. Had old pictures, voice of my aunt describing them and the times, etc etc. It was WONDERFUL. When we watched it for her 90th, I cried because it was sort of her funeral. She lived less than a year more, and they played that video (parts of it) at her memorial service. It was really moving. </p>
<p>I’ve been nagging and nagging my mom to book with the same video company and capture our history for generations down. The kids are not as close (either geographically nor emotionally) to their elders as i was to mine; and I know that is sad. H didn’t have that closeness, so didn’t know what they were missing. </p>
<p>Oh, and for the poster with the 4 plots… if you are cremated both you and your H can be in one plot. Some states allow stacked caskets, too. Then you just have to decide who gets to be on top, just like IRL. … (sorry)</p>
<p>And cremation works for me after any parts that work are harvested. The funeral/memorial IS for the left behind, so I want them to do what ever will help them.
Aunt’s memorial was pot luck with the church ladies handling the food/warmup/ and dishes. Luckily, that is one of the few I’ve been closely involved with lately.</p>
<p>A friend’s mother recently died and my friend found dealing with the undertaker very unpleasant. Coincidentally, although we both have completed living wills and powers of attorney for health care, my husband just brought home a “Five Wishes” form from his new doctor. Although there are certain aspects of the “Five Wishes” I don’t like, I do like that it includes a section for burial/cremation/memorial plans. My daughter is home for a couple of weeks and she considers our talking about all of this “morbid”. However, while we wouldn’t want to control how she and her brother mourn for us, we have decided that we want to leave written instructions for dealing with our remains so that they don’t have to make what might be regarded as unconventional or “cheap” decisions. Let’s just say that neither of us wants what has been traditional for our families nor do we want the onus for our decisions to fall on our children.</p>
<p>I still have five more languages to learn! </p>
<p>Let 'em do what they want with the non-me. While I have “cremation insurance”, if they want to stuff me and use me as a greeter at Wal-Mart, I’m game.</p>
<p>I’ve left instructions in my will (which my executor knows about) specifying that I’m to be cremated, and interred in the mausoleum where my mother is – it’s part of the same cemetery where her parents are.</p>
<p>I really, really don’t want any kind of funeral or memorial service. The thought of it makes me cringe. (Especially contemplating how few people would show up!) Some kind of marker in the mausoleum with my name, dates of birth and death, and whatever my son chooses to say about me, will do just fine.</p>
<p>My mom absolutely abhored open caskets and didn’t want people looking at her when she died. I agree. I have told H that I want to be cremated and my ashes scattered (1) in the Mediterranean, (2) in the Caribbean or (3) in Lake Michigan, in that order depending on what is possible. I don’t want any kind of service or memorial and will tell all my friends to go out for a fancy meal and think of me. I’d love to have S2 play “Amazing Grace” on the sax as the ashes are scattered, but I wouldn’t force him to do it. If there is an obituary, I want them to use a picture that actually looks like me at the time of my death, not 40 years earlier!!!</p>
<p>My family knows that I am to be cremated, my ashes spread at a certain place on a river near here and the song America the Beautiful is to be sung. (family traditon hiking with little ones when we had a cabin nearby).
Otherwise, no church involvment, a nice wake with many drinks and laughter and funny outrageous stories.</p>