<p>
</p>
<p>The Five Wishes booklet is an excellent resource!</p>
<p>It doesn’t matter what I want- I won’t be alive to notice nor will I have a vote in what happens. Funerals are for the living- closure, dealing with grief… Cemetaries are such a waste of space, I like the Indian (Hindu) way of cremating and not burying the ashes. I suppose having a place for the living to go to is nice- but after a few generations there’s no one left who cares. Burial was fine when the population was small, there was a lot of land and people stayed in one place.</p>
<p>I took care of this earlier this year. My g/f and her husband were doing their plans (he’s older than she) for months. They chose a mausoleum near my current house, coincidentally where my other g/f has a spot on the 6th floor too. So, I now own a little condo that I’ll “retire” into. I like to think of us partying onwards.</p>
<p>Youdon’tsay: Most of the churches I’ve served expected the families to pay at least part of the cost for funeral dinners because the churches could not afford to cater 20+ funerals a year. Especially if the dead person hadn’t contributed/participated in the church much… like a wedding I did for a “member” a couple of months ago who got a free wedding although he hadn’t been in the building for three years prior to the wedding (at least with weddings we don’t lose money because there are no expenses incurred). On an individual basis it may seem harsh to charge one family for one funeral, but the expenses really add up in this day of many women working and not being able to cook and serve many families over the course of the year.</p>
<p>The church I’m in now just provided a free meal for our sexton (cleaner’s) funeral. His daughter is a beloved former member without many financial assests.</p>
<p>On the other hand, the former pastor who served 65 years at this church left a very large donation to be saved for his funeral meal. We renewed the CD the other day and realized there is enough that we could take the entire congregation to Red Lobster (his favorite restaurant).</p>
<p>KK, I asked dh about it last night. We concurred that it could have been certain, on-site members of the family offering to do it rather than the church refusing. My SIL was head of the woman’s organization, choir and various other things at this small church. When she died, the family asked for donations toward the church and raised $16k-$18k. I definitely think she rated. That church was her life.</p>
<p>When my dad died, the funeral home held his ashes at no charge. A few years later, mom died and they were able to put her ashes in with his. That way when we dispersed them, they were together. It was a lot of ashes! Urns and boxes are very reasonable. Our funeral director was a pleasure to work with at a bad time and I will always be grateful for him.</p>
<p>I really dread funerals and memorial services and I hate the thought of my family having to go through all this with my dead body. I wish I could just sort of disappear from earth instead.</p>
<p>^^How much, like by weight or volume? I assumed not much at all, but you’re the second person to tell me that it’s a significant amount.</p>
<p>
My BIL died last year very unexpectedly and very young. My sister made arrangements for a closed coffin, but her MIL arrived at the funeral home before she did and made the people open it. I’m not exaggerating in the slightest that my sister collapsed from the shock and horror of it and we all thought she was having a heart attack. We are Protestants on the plain spectrum and her in-laws are off-the-boat Italian Catholics and that particular family (my in-laws also) do the gigantic funerals just like they do for weddings and Christenings. I had never seen an open coffin before because we just don’t do that.</p>
<p>cremation. no service. reception at the 19th hole.</p>
<p>My family knows that I will haunt them if they bury my body in a casket. The thought of rotting with bugs all over me makes me gag. Plus, I don’t want to impose a “visit my grave” expectation on anyone. </p>
<p>Instead, I’ve asked to be cremated and my ashes tossed where the Potomac River meets the Chesapeake Bay. Oh, and please have “Spirit in the Sky” by Norman Greenbaum in the music play list at the post-service reception. </p>
<p>My aunt is dragging her feet about getting Grandma buried. She died in 2005. Aunt likes taking the urn with her on vacation. She brings her holiday dinners, weddings, etc., too. In fact, she likes having the ashes around so much that she thinks we’d enjoy it, too. So last year she offered her brother (my dad) and all the grandchildren some of Grandma’s ashes to keep with us after Grandma eventually finds her way to the grave. Dad, sis, and I declined. But, Aunt and the 2 cousins will each have little bit with them forever.</p>
<p>I’m still trying to work with my mom on her plans and she’s 88! I typed up something for myself, with my papers. Cremation, scatter ashes. Funeral or service is for the living, but suppose I should plan something, as my ex’s parents did not, and I think it leaves a lack of closure to not have at least something simple. I treasure the stories told at Memorial services and funerals. </p>
<p>In doing a medicaid spend down for my disabled friend, I paid for the headstone and put money in a funeral trust. The size of that trust made me gasp! But is in keeping with amounts mentioned above. </p>
<p>My dad died in Bangkok, where he had been retired for a number of years. All cremations are in Buddhist temples, so we had a Korean Christian ceremony (his wife’s church) in the temple. The entire event was an amazing experience for the culturally curious. The most powerful part was the monks having us light the cremation flames, and then watching the smoke rise afterward from the sky train platform after we left the temple.</p>
<p>CREMATION COSTS:</p>
<p>If you do not have arrangements ahead of time, be sure to call first for a quote. I called to get prices for my Dad (he was terminal), when he died sooner than expected (that night!) I had not yet returned the paperwork and when I showed up at the facility the charge was over $2500 but they had quoted me $800 on the phone. There was no problem getting the phone price, but wow, what a price difference!</p>
<p>When my Dad died, he had moved to be near us once he had the diagnosis and had no social group. We organised a world wide toast, friends & family who were in at least 3 continents, all toasted him with his favourite beverage at the same time. Then many people emailed photos, as they trickled in all that day my Mum was thrilled and we were really touched by some of the people who took the time to participate. It was sweet & stress free and included family far far away. Very memorable, too.</p>
<p>Youdon’tsay- It was probably about ten pounds. It was more than I expected. The whole dispersal scene was hilarious. We had not thought to bring scissors or a knife and had to use keys to open the bag in the urn. Poof- I have bits of mom and dad floating around in my car! It made a somber moment bearable and actually a good memory which I think my parents would have found amusing.</p>
<p>Dang! That’s much more than I thought. Maybe they really could line the T-ball field with me!</p>
<p>^^ The ten pounds was two people. I think they say women are about 4 lbs and men about 6 lbs. I am not sure why I remember that!</p>
<p>My mom’s cremated remains look like kitty litter. Somebody told me the remains are almost all bone, but I wondered whether there is also some of the container (box?) in there too. </p>
<p>I think the disposition of the body should be discussed with the family. For example, when my mom died, I would have been happy to do the cremation and then have a memorial service later. However, one of my sibs felt strongly the body should be present in the casket during the funeral (although we did keep the lid closed), followed by the cremation. I went along with that since my sib felt strongly about it. We tried to work it out so nobody felt their views were disrespected. You never know how people feel about these issues until you ask.</p>
<p>I’d guess my Dad weighed about five pounds maybe less. He was in a plastic bag in a cardboard box that was about 8"x 8"x 8" for a year before we finally got my mother to Vermont to put his ashes in our brook there. The box and the bag didn’t seem very seemly and we’d forgotten to get an urn or bowl or some more ceremonial container for the actual deed. Fishing around the camp for something more appropriate we found a gift tin box that had had a big bottle of Johnnie Walker Red in it. It seemed like destiny that that was the only container that was the right size!</p>
<p>I had always said that I wanted to be buried with no chemical enhancements in a cardboard casket, so that I would decompose quickly. Then, I wanted my family to plant a fruit-bearing tree over me so that I would be fertilizer for years to come. I think that now I will just settle for cremation and scattering my ashes somewhere that my kid will consider meaningful. I have prepaid for my mother’s funeral costs, and that was enough to turn me off the entire burial thing.
As for a memorial, I hope that my friends will toast me with a glass of wine and tell outrageous stories about me. I can imagine a FB page filled with lewd stories of my youth, since I have lived all over. A virtual memorial would be fine with me.</p>
<p>Lots of food for thought here. I guess we can work on this when we re-do our wills.</p>
<p>I’d like to be cremated. But I think the kids would like to come ‘visit’ me and bring flowers.
Maybe that would work if the ashes were scattered in a nice area.</p>