<p>My father had prepaid for his funeral/cremation/urn (which is next to my mother’s), which made it so much easier for us kids. I wrote the obituary and all four of us wrote the service, along with his pastor. He had been active in his church and the deacon’s group had the reception.
All my husband and I know at this point is that we’ll be cremated.
And why did we get a mailer from the local cemetary just today?</p>
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<p>Well, I can tell you that I am having a tombstone put up in our family cemetery, even though I am being cremated. Our family has been coming back to that cemetery for many years and I don’t want to miss out on the possibility that someone might want to see my “grave” and leave some flowers.</p>
<p>For those of you who are planning to be buried in church cemeteries, don’t forget to make a donation once in a while. Many of the “perpetual care” funds are having a hard time with interest rates so low. They have to mow and landscape and funds may be tight.</p>
<p>Wow, not a lot of votes in our generation, it seems, for good old-fashioned burials sans cremation.</p>
<p>Yep. I want to be cremated and have the ashes made into an artificial reef. Then family members can scuba dive to visit me. Yes, seriously. It’s called eternal reefs. I love the ocean and scuba. Better than a cemetery any day!</p>
<p>Sent from my DROID2 GLOBAL using CC App</p>
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<p>It is amazing how quickly cremation has gone from being rarely done to becoming so common. </p>
<p>I will say that every military funeral I’ve been to, and these are young adults, has been a traditional burial with coffin. Perhaps because so many of the burial traditions of the military involve the flag draped coffin?</p>
<p>Oh, pmk, that is a sore subject around me. My dad was career Air Force and wanted to be cremated. About 5 years ago, my sister pitched a fit and talked my dad into a burial because SHE wanted a military funeral. Grrrrr. So join the military and have one for yourself then! Why can’t our dad decide how HE wants to be buried???</p>
<p>rant over</p>
<p>yds, I’m sorry to hear that. Some people are very fond of military funerals. I find them difficult to sit through, having been to far too many in the past 20 years. </p>
<p>While on active-duty, my husband wanted a military memorial service with his squadron and then a private, civilian funeral. Now that he is retired from the military (let me take a moment to be so thankful once again that he lived through it all), there will be no military aspect of his funeral (a long, long time from now!) Of course, his obituary and the program at his funeral will list his military service but that’s it. </p>
<p>Having dealt with many young widows who didn’t know what to do, I think the most important thing is to talk about it. Sure, its’ a difficult conversation but we all die. When PMKjr came to us and told us he wanted to be cremated, it was very tempting to shut down the conversation because he’s only 19. But I let him talk and then I cried later in private! My very deepest wish, all parents deepest wish, is to not outlive my child.</p>
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<p>That would be my first choice - no enbalming, wrap me in a blanket and bury me. The idea of being enbalmed in a concrete vault - where I might be reconizable years from now…ewww. </p>
<p>I come from a family of “grave visitors” - so my parents plan to be cremated, then the ashes buried under a headstone (which they’ve already designed and sent me a pdf of for my approval.)</p>
<p>Our church has mostly memorial services (no casket.) Usually the burial (if there is one) has already taken place by then. The folks who are cremated have a later “inurnment” service when their ashes are put into columbarium at our church.</p>
<p>I was initially uncomfortable with the idea of cremation, but now I know several folks in the columbarium and the setting is so lovely that I wouldn’t mind being put there.</p>
<p>Off topic but whenever Christmas rolls around and people are telling the “worst gift my spouse ever gave me” stories I always think of my friend at church - one year her H reserved her niche in the columbarium as a Christmas gift!</p>
<p>Not as bad as the gift a friend told me many years ago - around Christmas time she received a little package fom an overseas cooking buddy/family member who was always sending her interesting baking spices. Wasn’t sure what they were (way back before email and speedy comunications). Baked them up in a cake. A few weeks later got a letter asking if she had received the her share of Aunty’s ashes that the friend had decided to distribute amongst the family.</p>
<p>I should have asked what the cake was like.</p>
<p>Oh swimscat, I just spit coffee all over my monitor! </p>
<p>I just read a post from a friend on FB where her youngest calls cemetaries Death Gardens.</p>
<p>Speaking of odd cremation stories, did y’all see the trailer for TLC’s “Strange Addictions” this past week? I caught it while watching “Say Yes to the Dress” and my entire family & I went WHOA? WHAT? The woman started out being obsessed with carrying around her husbands ashes, but she’s advanced to eating them. [My</a> Strange Addiction: Season 2 Episode Guide: My Strange Addiction: TLC](<a href=“http://tlc.howstuffworks.com/tv/my-strange-addiction/season-2-episode-guide14.htm]My”>http://tlc.howstuffworks.com/tv/my-strange-addiction/season-2-episode-guide14.htm)</p>
<p>My dad just passed away a few weeks ago after a long illness.
Our biggest surprise about the “expenses” of dying was the obituary. Dad was a “known” local figure. He had been principal of 5 schools in the area over 30 years so we wanted a really nice obituary. Well, the first draft was $3500. OUCH! And maybe it was 2 typed pages! So we finally edited it down to about a 7 inch column for $1400.
Newspapers are making up revenue lost from lack of advertising from us grieving folks!</p>
<p>My sister said an obituary should not cost the same as a week in Maui…or twice the cost of the cremation! I know my dad would have had a fit at the cost! Good thing he was not here to argue about it!
My brother says his obit will read…“Mark’s gone.” That is only one line at $7.50 per line. Works for me!</p>
<p>My wife tells me that every time I eat another steak, smoke another cigarette, or overindulge in scotch, I am planning my funeral.</p>
<p>Swimcatsmom, I suspect your friend may have been having some fun with you! That’s an old urban legend and goes way back:</p>
<p>[snopes.com:</a> Ashes Mistaken for Food](<a href=“http://www.snopes.com/horrors/cannibal/cremains.asp]snopes.com:”>Ashes Mistaken for Food | Snopes.com)</p>
<p>We know someone who has already paid to be frozen when he plotzes!</p>
<p>I have a folder in my files at work labeled “Funeral.” It has songs and some scripture suggestions. I have one song that will make everyone laugh if they “get it.”</p>
<p>H sings at lots of memorial services. He’s had estate planning lawyers say that he’s mentioned in their clients’ documents. He keeps old hymnals, because he gets calls to sing a lot of the “oldies.”</p>
<p>I have never heard of a newspaper charging for an obituary. Is that common in some places?</p>
<p>Technically speaking, zoos, you are correct. Obituaries appear as news articles with headlines and newspapers run them for free when someone of notoriety passes away. </p>
<p>Death Notices incur a charge, are typically found in alphabetical order, and (sometimes) resemble classified ads more than obits. </p>
<p>The distinction between the two is rarely apparent to the general public. I think editors and/or undertakers are really the only ones who speak of them separately. For most people “obituary” has become the all-purpose word.</p>
<p>Am I the only one who was mildly amused that this thread and pizzagirl’s “I am a packing expert” thread are right next to each other? PG- can you pack us up for a nice sendoff??</p>
<p>;)</p>
<p>My mother died July 15. We had the advantage of knowing she was going to die (it is an advantage, because once she was diagnosed and knew she would die within 2-4 years,she was able to tweak her original plans made years before she got sick). My two sisters were able to discuss her plans with her, and wrote them down because you don’t want to try to remember in times of stress. We followed them exactly, including whom to invite to the memorial service. Probably ten years ago, we all met at my sister’s in Phoenix. My mom brought her insurance valuations of her jewelry. We decided, with my mom, who wanted what. That was on paper, too. The furniture was trickier and we only listed a few important pieces. The artwork was similar…only listed a few im[ortant pieces. That’s the only sticking point now. But we’ll work that out later this week, as we three sisters meet at my mom’s to meet with realtors, lawyers, etc. My mom reviewed her will with each of us. We understand why she did what she did. No surprises. And yes, her local paper charges for the death notice, which we three sisters wrote ahead of time (a week or so), as my mom requested. I hope this doesn’t sound cold. It isn’t. It’s practical. My mother asked that we take care of each other, and as we keep that in mind as we move through this, it has helped to avoid disagreements. I plan to do the same for my children. When it’s done when you’re healthy, it’s easy. We did all this planning together, my mother wanted each of us to have input as to what is important to us. We three are in different financial positions, and we discussed this with mom so we would all understand the purpose of the divisions in the will. We’re all on the same page. I’ve heard of so many families that have broken up during this time. I’m grateful to my mother’s foresight.</p>
<p>I’ve had several deaths in my family for which I wrote the obit. What happens is that the funeral director notifies the newspaper, placing the death notice with the basic particulars of service and then the newspaper has a reporter who calls a designated member of the family. They either interview you or give you an email adress to send your pre-written obituary and then it will be in the newspaper the next day with a small picture of the deceased. No charge, ever. I didn’t know that wasn’t how it always is.</p>