I was so excited when my alma mater sent an acceptance to my son, but just recently have spoken with an acquaintance whose son spent his first semester at SMU this fall and pledged a fraternity. The level of hazing— including financial hazing— this boy endured to become a ‘brother’ was horrible. Really horrible. And now, I’m left wondering if I even want my son to go to SMU. He’s a kid that does want to pledge a fraternity (I did not join a sorority there) but what I heard did not make this Mama Bear feel that frat life at SMU is at all safe. He’d be 1500 miles from me.
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I’ve been accepted into SMU and plan on rushing if I go. Can you go into detail about what you’ve heard? Thanks.
Hopefully there are Greek organizations that are different levels of ‘cool’ - ie hazing. I know my daughter’s school has that.
Just like you selected a college, you may have to select a frat carefully - some may be less hazy.
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I’ll DM you
SMU may or may not have issues but if you have hazing concerns, you should take those with you at all campuses. It is likely very well widespread. It’s crazy and dumb but it seems at many schools, even top ones.
Good luck.
Does he have to join a fraternity? My son was accepted too, but has no plans to join. He figured he would find his own friends. I was not born in the US and so I find frats and sororities a little ridiculous 
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I am in same position with my son heading into fall 2025 and would love to hear any level of detail you are willing to share.
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The financial hazing my friend’s son experienced at SMU included making each pledge buy a Rolex and then having to watch them smash it with a hammer. Or forcing them to buy a plane ticket to Dubai, driving them to the airport and watching it take off without them. This kid blew thru $8000 (all of the money he earned working summers for spending money in college.) It’s all gone. But he’s a brother now— my question is, who would want to be? 
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Seriously ??
And kids are dumb enough to do this ?
I get peer pressure but you can’t cure stupid. That’s just dumb. I don’t care how young or impressionable.
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You have to consider that they are also manipulated/weakened in other ways for 2.5 months: sleep deprivation, hunger, drinking, having to memorize reams of information. I imagine these kids are scrambled by the time they get to the end, they aren’t clear/headed. They’ve been worn down.
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I get that. But…they can say NO. They can de-pledge. They don’t have to do stupid things. Students do de-pledge every year across fraternities and schools because they are asked to do things they aren’t comfortable with.
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Yes, and I would hope my son would respect himself enough to do exactly that.
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You are right. That’s why we see deaths.
It’s just crazy this system exists.
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I just don’t understand this. Why do kids need to buy ‘friendships’. It’s ridiculous, but I am not American. Fortunately my kids agree with me. I am sorry for your friends son, but I am just dumbfounded.
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Wow. That is wild.
D’s friend who goes to SMU pledged the same sorority as her mom (alumni) did. Mom flew to Dallas from CA for rush week, hired hair and make up professionals, and they had already purchased a bunch of high-end designer outfits (things like $600 Golden Goose sneakers and Prada purses).
The daughter also had to get sorority “references” even before she started her first year, like her and her mom were already networking hard in the spring and summer once she was accepted. And of course mom also hired a designer to “decorate” the daughter’s freshman year dorm room (which did admittedly look fabulous from the photos I saw). By all accounts mom and daughter loved the whole process, so it wasn’t hazing like the situation described above, but it’s still very off-putting for a non-wealthy person to realize what their peers are spending.
It’s a lot, though, even if you are some kind of international jet-setter. It’s strange also to see how much parents indulge in these activities as well.
I have lots of non-American mom friends and they all find Greek life to be super strange. Have heard the comment about “buying friends” multiple times. My college didn’t have Greek life so I was unaware until recently of how much expense is associated with pledging.
I’m sure the vast majority of sororities and fraternities are not extreme like this, but I do think it’s good information for parents to have before sending their kid to a school where Greek life dominates the social scene.
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Sounds like a way to ensure that only rich kids with money to burn get into the frat.
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Greek life is for the wealthy - let’s be honest.
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Lolly, didn’t we have this exact discussion a few weeks ago about another Southern school? I’m feeling deja vu all over again!
If you are fundamentally uncomfortable with the frat scene- either because of hazing, or the social stratification, or the other risks (some of which I pointed out in the earlier thread- the excessive drinking, frat parties with underage HS girls, the potential for a life-altering mistake) then I think this is a discussion you need to have with your son. He may not realize that if there’s trouble in the frat, YOU will be paying for his lawyer, not sigma sigma sigma national office.
I have never heard of the Rolex or Dubai stuff… but for kids who can afford that sort of stupidity, it doesn’t seem like it’s endangering other people. But it’s the day in/day out life at the frat which was my big worry when my kid pledged. The newspapers in college towns write about the horrific tragedies- the kid falling off a balcony because he’d taken some party drug which made him think he could fly, the line of ambulances outside Frat Row during homecoming or a big game weekend just waiting to get filled, the lawsuit filed by the parents of a 16 year old… But it’s the daily stuff that kept me up at my night.
Reality- there is alcohol everywhere, all the time. Reality- there will be a brilliant kid who never goes to class and is still getting A’s and the other guys then think “Hey, it’s ok to play poker all night and sleep all day” and then the string of C’s and D’s start coming in and your kid realizes “Hey, maybe I’m not brilliant”. Reality- someone’s parents own a second home- beach, ski chalet, cabin on a lake-- and that becomes where the brothers go to “study” before midterms. Nobody sleeps and then someone drives everyone home…
I think you and your kid are due a transparent conversation about all this stuff. And it’s not too late to apply to a couple of colleges where the frat scene is really minimal (or has been marginalized due to some serious legal issues and they’ve had their charter revoked) and there’s a robust social life of kids doing other things.
You don’t need to make a decision now- but good to have a few non-frat options, no?
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For the record, my son’s fraternity at SMU had nothing remotely like you describe. Are you 100% positive what you heard is true?
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I am. This is a family I’ve known for close to 20 years. I spoke with his mother, who probably only knows half of what he went thru.