<p>Again, I stand by my statement of let the kid figure it out first. If he wants action, then act. We are all going on spectulation here, imagining our worst thoughts about hazing. Everybody’s different, everybody has a different level of what’s tolerable. Without detail, I still stick to my advice. let the child grow up. IF he decides he was wronged, act in support. Don’t decide for him. Remeber he may be going there for four more years, interacting with the same people. </p>
<p>It is a time to advise and follow. To do something without son’s consent at this point could be more damaging than the haze. I would talk with my child look for clarity in the situation and then respect my kid’s decision, even if it’s not mine.</p>
<p>Are you sure its really that bad? We had a “hazing” thing for my team last year involving copious amounts of alcohol, running, and a lack of clothing. But it was optional. If you didn’t want to drink, you didn’t, if you didn’t want to run, you didn’t. No one looked down on the kids that didn’t join in. It was fun, to be honest.</p>
<p>This parallels another thread where everyone jumps aboard the advice boat without really knowing what’s going on. The OP says “hazing” but then writes that she wants to prevent “should anything be demanded from him that would harm him physically and emotionally.” Does this mean that nothing has been asked of him yet? It is confusing.</p>
<p>Hazing is one thing. Dares, double dares, challenges, and just plain “Jackass- The Movie” style guy acts are another. I’m not minimizing or speculating; I’m just saying we don’t know what’s going on AT ALL, and there is a legally defined line you cross for what is considered “hazing”.</p>
<p>WHy tell the coach first, if he doesn’t know or he does know, he is a bad coach, it is happening under his watch</p>
<p>Report it and if you need to do it anonmously, you can fax it from a kinkos</p>
<p>And in your report, tell them why you are sending it anonmously, that you are worried enough about the repurcussions and safety of your Son if the people hazing him found out he told his family, you feel this is the only way to do it</p>
<p>so what if you don’t “have” to do it, that doesn’t make it right, nor safe, copious amounts of alcohiol, exertion can kill, and that is what is called hazing that that is why it is against the rules</p>
<p>hazing is stupid and needs to be stopped, heck, I will call the school if you want me to</p>
<p>ps- if it isn’t “hazing” then no fear in reporting the behavior is there, </p>
<p>if it is all good fun, then the team should not be worried if it goes to the administration. </p>
<p>if it isn’t brutality and dangerous, then the team should have no problem with everyone knowing about their funtimes from coach to the NCAA</p>
<p>why not let the school decide whether it is hazing or not, that is their job, and mom has every right and in fact a responsiblity to share what she knows with the school</p>
<p>if I knew of any hazing at a school, whether my kid went there or not, I would go straight to the top, and if it wasn’t “that bad” that is not for me to decide, it is the schools, but they need people to step up and tell them what is going on</p>
<p>Ahemmm - the coaches had better have control over the athletes at night - in the dorm - on the campus - look what happened at Duke - even tho it happened off campus - in a house - the coach is still held responsible for their athletes and how long the tether is for them.</p>
<p>Kinda eye opening @@</p>
<p>Hazing can be in the eye of the beholder - for some the activity is just plain fun - for others it is hazing - part of that brotherhood/sisterhood kinda thing - but for some it is downright nightmarish - and can quickly turn into dangerous.</p>
<p>I somewhat agree tho that the student should have first shot at handling it and figuring out what to do about it - and then to live with that decision. It is very difficult for a kiddo in that situation tho to not want to fit in - be part of the ‘team’ - but then has to discover that they may have to participate again next year - and be the hazer - not the hazee - can they live with that??</p>
<p>Because of the dangers of some hazing practices - it is a pretty serious offense in many places - and can actually cause suspensions from schools/teams/etc… one has to really think about participating in it - it is a choice - usually - tho at times it is not - and one has to learn to make those choices and bear the consequences in the long run.</p>
<p>I guess I base my answer in the confidence I have in my child. </p>
<p>His call at college. That’s his time to learn. </p>
<p>My job description has changed a bit. Now I advise, offer council, reflect experiences. I don’t run interference anymore, I don’t bull anybody over, not my job…anymore. </p>
<p>His age, his decision, his maturity… In four more years he will be referred to as “doctor” by the general public. If I continue to make my decisions or points of view… “his” how do I expect him to treat patients? Am I going to be in the room?
I had 18 years to teach right and wrong without question… now I say let him decide, support and everybody grows, even me.</p>
<p>If you want some insight into hazing, check out the discussion in this book:</p>
<p>Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B. Cialdini</p>
<p>This has nothing to do with any practical advice but rather trying to understand why hazing has proven more or less impossible to eliminate.</p>
<p>There is a sense in which the college admissions process is a form of hazing. Cialdini’s basic theory is that the more difficult it is to gain admission/acceptance to a group, the more they value it.</p>
<p>For all we know, it may have been “optional” at RIT too. Doesn’t change the fact that six kids were left to die in a basement of an on campus apartment. (Fortunately, one kid called the cops and they found them down there and hauled them off to intensive care.) :(</p>
<p>hazing is more of a bonding experience for freshman than anything. It’s not about embarrassing you, it’s not about testing to see if you can take it, it’s about going through a common experience with peers and developing a bond over it that brings you together as a team.</p>
<p>Just to clear that up. The motivation isn’t all bad, sometimes the point gets lost on people and they step it up to dangerous levels, which is when the trouble begins. I can imagine that’s why a lot of them involve alcohol though. A challenge to drink a keg in a night (with 10 people this actually isn’t that bad, you’ll be drunk, but not dangerously drunk usually, at least athletes won’t) gives ample time for talking, getting to know one another, all while providing a fun story to tell and a seemingly impressive feet accomplished.</p>
<p>^^ Illegal and potentially dangerous - involving alcohol!!</p>
<p>SKLOG not sure where you get your info regarding drunk/athletes but you are wayyy off base on that one.</p>
<p>It doesn’t take very much for a hazing situation to get out of hand - and yes - it can be embarrasing for some - and yes it is about testing to see if you can take it in many situations. What may be ‘fun’ for some - can be horrendous for others.</p>
<p>My son experienced a traumatic hazing event freshman year that was dangerous and terroristic in nature. I wrote to the administration anonymously and explained why I felt it necessary to remain anonymous and described in detail what occurred. Thankfully the Administration took this very seriously. After that there were no abusive hazing events for the remainder of the years he participated in sports.
I think it needs to be anonymous. You will know via your son whether the situation is addressed. I actually threatened to go to the newspaper I thought it was that serious.</p>
<p>Interesting that it was reported on the news that the Fl A&M president and … I think athletic director reportedly tried to get either the hazing stopped and the marching band stopped, but were told it was too much of a moneymaker. And now a student is dead.</p>
<p>Hazing can get out of control quickly. Encourage your S to question anything abusive and to be ready to walk away from the abuse if only for the night. Sometimes people need to see that they have crossed the line, and it doesn’t always happen in the wee hours of the morning when surrounded by cheering co-conspirators. Just reporting it will not always be enough, since those in charge will look for proof.</p>
<p>An important consideration is that when freshman go away to college, most are independent for the first time and might very well have difficulty understanding boundaries. 18-year olds have a hard enough time making prudent decisions under ideal circumstances.</p>
<p>Also, on many campuses students come from diverse backgrounds. It is not difficult to imagine an experience that a streeet-wise student from an urban background would consider perfectly normal. However, this same situation might well horrify a suburban/rural student with less exposure to such environments.</p>
<p>The OP himself resurrected the thread with the epilogue to the story: he decided to contact the school administration anonymously to report the hazing.</p>
<p>If this is a school where some of the students are on athletic scholarships, I would report it rather than leaving the situation up to my child.</p>
<p>It’s particularly horrifying to realize that hazing may be taking place in situations where students cannot escape from the problem by resigning from the organization because their scholarships would be threatened.</p>