<p>Living with some people,especially those in a position of power over you can damage alot in your personality,and leave you broken,a mere shadow of your former vibrant and assertive self.I think I may fall in this category,since I’ve lived with a messed up guardian.How can I best heal and be my normal self once again.How can I siphon off all the poisoned feelings I have for my guardian and maybe ever have some affection for them in the future,because I really hate her.Thanks.</p>
<p>Therapy, and lots of it. When you get to live on your own it gets a little bit easier.</p>
<p>Check out Sam Vaknin’s articles on malignant narcissists. I may be way off in suggesting this, but somethiing about your post makes me think the power plays you refer to are deliberate attempts to shatter your soul.</p>
<p>When you get to a place that you no longer have to interact daily with that person, you can exact the best revenge, a life well lived.</p>
<p>My DH had some fairly manipulative and despite their professed love, emotional destructive parents. He has triumphed by his success as a father and a husband. He still has feelings that may never go away, but for the most part they have been minimized by creating a life with the minimum amount of interaction and a conscious effort to avoid needing their approval for anything!</p>
<p>Thank you all for your replies.This is really deep,if I may say so.Right now,I feel as though I’m in the low of lows.Emaheevul07,what kind of therapy do you recommend,and for how long a period should I go through the same?Classof2015,you are right,the attempts to take away my joy are very deliberate,which makes the hurt even more defined.I don’t know Sam Vaknin,but I’ll check him up.Somemom,I’m stuck with living with my guardian as of right now.The time is coming though, when I will be out of her life.That realization is the one that prompted me into posting this.Do keep up your replies.Anything you suggest ,I will take seriously.Thanks.</p>
<p>Self help books can be great tools. Bookstores have whole sections on these - it might do to browse around one quiet hour and see which books seem to speak most to you. One of my favorites is [Amazon.com:</a> A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose (Oprah’s Book Club, Selection 61) (9780452289963): Eckhart Tolle: Books: Reviews, Prices & more](<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/New-Earth-Awakening-Purpose-Selection/dp/0452289963/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1289997173&sr=8-1]Amazon.com:”>http://www.amazon.com/New-Earth-Awakening-Purpose-Selection/dp/0452289963/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1289997173&sr=8-1)</p>
<p>It sounds like right now, you have to live with/abide by this person, so you need someway to cope without losing or hurting yourself. I wonder if their abuse has ramped up because your departure is on the horizon? I say “abuse” because verbal abuse (taunts, criticisms, gaslighting) is just as damaging as physical abuse. Check out books/articles on verbal abuse. It’s very subtle, but also a deliberate way to chip away at your self-worth. It’s like living under a cloud of acid rain that leaves your mantle of self esteem pitted and susceptible to more wounds. </p>
<p>The therapy could be with a social worker – talk therapy, where you say how you feel, you describe the guardian’s behavior, and you get feedback on what is appropriate and how you can cope and survive while you are in this toxic relationship. Sam Vaknin is a genuis when it comes to knowing and describing narcissists. You are there to feed the narcissist’s needs – nothing else. When they sense that their target is abandoning them, they become even more vicious (and often vindictive).</p>
<p>Hang in there.</p>
<p>Thanks guys for your replies.Hugcheck,thanks,seriously.Until now, I had not considered dropping by a bookstore and doing some serious reading on my situation.Now,you make it seem as though it should have been the thing for me to do from the very start.That’s a great recommendation you have there too.Classof2015, thank you too.You make loads of sense.To reply to your initial question,the hurt hasn’t really been triggered by the fact that departure time is almost upon me,since I’ve kept that a secret,it’s just that my guardian is, well…messed up.Just today in the morn,I overheard her raving over something her kids had done wrong,not really serious,but she made it sound straight out of the world war 2 ,and incidentally,I was guilty.Still,I’ve gotten used to the framing,since it happens multiple tomes a day,though getting used to it doesn’t tone down the hurt and frustration.I am still on Sam Vaknin.Thanks, pals for I really need that help.</p>
<p>Keep in mind that Sam Vaknin is himself diagnosed with NPD and he discusses how his personality has been destructive on his blogs and in his writings. Important fact–to always put your sources in context. I have read most of his essays and online work. He is very intelligent and there are certainly instructive articles on his blogs. </p>
<p>Good luck in the next transition in your life and if there are counselors around where you are going, make use of some visits. sometimes as few as six hours with a neutral and experienced therapist can help you redefine your central issue or problem. and defining your problems accurately is pretty important as you look for a life that will help you become your best version of your own self.</p>
<p>[Stanford</a> Magazine: May/June 2001: Feature Story: Peace Work](<a href=“Page Not Found”>Page Not Found)</p>
<p>Fred Luskin has done wonderful work on the concept of forgiveness or the letting go of grudges. It is very hard to move forward without being able to move beyond the past.</p>
<p>Thanks faline2 and ellemenope.Ellemenope,that’s a beautiful article you have there.I believe that finally,with lots of guidance and determination, I will develop a forgiving heart,regardless of the things my host has put me through.Faline2,I appreciate your wishing me luck,because I’ve already made up my mind to make a transition to a life that doesn’t irk me every time I examine it.Thanks a million guys,if you have anymore replies,feel free to post 'em.</p>
<p>Everyone with whom I’ve shared that article with has been impressed with it. We still have peoples and countries fighting over something that happened in the 1200s, for crying out loud! Can you imagine what the world would look like if we all could let go?</p>
<p>Sure Ellemenope,the world would be a much better place if they let go of stuff.The article was beautiful.once again,thanks.</p>
<p>An important thing to remember is that the problem isn’t yours, it’s hers. Too often when someone yells at us we believe what they’re saying, especially in the moment. With time and distance and therapy, you’ll be able to rationally evaluate her words and decide if what she says is true or not. That’s part of letting go.</p>
<p>Very very sapient,Veryhappy.You just described my situation(the yelling thing) perfectly.Keep replying guys,plus ,everyone who’s replied should feel proud of him/herself.</p>
<p>You might also consider trying some meditation. Ten minutes of silence, focusing on your breathing, and finding your calm center can be a big, big help in stressful times. There are dozens of books and sites on how to do it effectively. It takes practice to let the hurt and stress go from you but it really works. You don’t need to do yoga or get all spiritual if that’s not your thing but we moderns take very little time to just be…and the more stress we are under, the less time we take. </p>
<p>You can’t really do anything about toxic people except remove yourself from their vicinity. If you can’t do that physically, a mental remove/refresh is all the more necessary.</p>
<p>Here’s a very brief explanation of a simple exercise:</p>
<p><a href=“dummies - Learning Made Easy”>dummies - Learning Made Easy;
<p>Thanks a million,Novelisto.I used to do some meditation(though the focus wasn’t so much on myself,as the aiding subject of the session[usually a flower which I dissected mentally]).If I could extrict myself physically from my toxic host,believe me I’d do it,only I cannot,until three weeks from now.That’s balm to my soul,really,for I’ve spent ages with her,and nearly forgotten how to love or experience peace.Thanks,I value your replies.</p>