<p>My boyfriend recently broke up with me. He’s a good guy (really admirable character, humble, well-spoken, and humorous) but…not for me. We have different aspirations (he would be fine staying at a local level, or in-state for school whereas I want to go to a higher-tiered graduate school, for example), and though it hurts, I know we are better off as friends.
He is my first boyfriend and I am his first girlfriend. This is day 3 post-break-up.
How did you get over your first heartbreak? Better yet, how was the dating scene in college/any funny stories as pertaining to college dating?
I won’t be starting college til the Fall so I have all that time to hang out with friends (and most likely work-out and volunteer more now that I don’t hang around him).
Thanks!</p>
<p>Time. It takes time. It stinks, but it’s true.</p>
<p>Sounds like you agree with your former boyfriend that this breakup was for the best, so that helps, but I know it still hurts.</p>
<p>You’re right that spending time with your friends, working out and volunteering will help. Keeping busy with things you enjoy - and indulge yourself a little. Maybe shop for a small luxury you’d been wanting, or read that book you’ve always wanted to read.</p>
<p>Good luck. It WILL get better.</p>
<p>My vote is that you will forget all about this (mostly) when you start school. You are going to meet tons of new people and have a blast. The key now is to avoid moping more than you need to and to enjoy your last summer before college. When I graduated I got a card from my sister that said, “Congratulations… now prepare to work until you die,” and I still look back on it and laugh because that summer was the last time I really didn’t have to be busy.</p>
<p>As for what the dating scene is like in college, it’s hard to generalize. I’m sure you’ll find whatever you’re looking for. I like my college boyfriend so much I’ve decided to keep him. 
I’m actually really glad none of the guys I liked so much in high school worked out or I’d have never noticed this one.</p>
<p>It’s just hard. Probably one of the hardest times I’ve had to through. Well, one of many. But I walk around the house all day in my pajamas, and I don’t feel like doing anything. I feel tired, and I try to sleep, but all I can see is him. And so I get up and walk around again…sometimes I sit down (like I am now) and sit at the computer to look up a few things.
I get fatigued and hungry because I haven’t had a good night’s sleep for the past few days…and so I eat, but it only gives me energy to feel more devastated.
The only times I feel OK are when I’m too tired to feel anything but…OK. I went out with friends yesterday and flirted (and it was reciprocated) with a very attractive guy who is attending my university, but it wasn’t the same…
Goodness, when will this end. 
For now, I’ve cut off all contact with him. I have no desire to get back with him, but I sure do miss my friend, if nothing else.</p>
<p>Better now than Thanksgiving break during your Freshman year. That holiday is notorious for high school lover breakups.</p>
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<p>Not forget, exactly, but I think things will be easier when you start college, simply because that’s a setting where he never was. </p>
<p>At home, you probably think about your relationship and breakup with him often, at least in part because everything around you reminds you of things you did together, places you went together, and situations where he was present for the last three years. But college is a different place – a place that’s not associated with any memories of your relationship. I think this is a good thing for you.</p>
<p>I think your decision to cut off all contact was a wise one. When my D went thru a breakup, she was DETERMINED that they stay friends, even though her former boyfriend was telling her he couldn’t deal with that. I told her that in a few months or a year they could be friends, when the feelings and the hurt had cooled off, but at first it’s best to keep a distance. She finally figured out I was right. </p>
<p>And as to “when will this end?” I can’t say for sure, but I suspect you’ll start to improve within a week or 2. It won’t be perfect, but it will be more bearable and you’ll be able to start feeling happy about other things - time with friends, more cute guys who are going to your university, etc. If not, you might need to find someone to talk to so you can get your feelings out - your mom maybe? or a friend?</p>
<p>Get thee to a giving situation! Brush dogs at the animal shelter. Hammer nails for Habitat for Humanity. HAnd out cans at the food bank. Get moving and get helping and you will be in much better shape shortly. </p>
<p>“I cried because I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet.”</p>
<p>Yep. Get moving and suddenly life ain’t so bad. Been left at the altar and ended up (three years later) with a huge improvement with Boyfriend 2.0. Been married 25 years and would not change a thing.</p>
<p>That is more or less what I meant, Marian. OP, you’re just going to feel like you’re in a totally different world soon, and I suspect that will make this a lot easier.</p>
<p>In the meantime, it’s okay to mourn a lost relationship, but make sure you’re getting out there, too. I am one to sit around in my pjs all day when I am upset too, and I’ve learned that when you treat yourself like crap you FEEL like crap. It’s only been a few days so if this is what you need right now that’s okay, but when you think you might feel up to it go outside and get some sun and see your friends. You’ll be back to feeling good soon.</p>
<p>It comes in waves. The bad feeling. So when it comes, know it will peak and pass. Eventually the waves will become less intense, and less in number. One day you’ll realize that you were ok all day - yay! Then you might see him and boom, another wave, which will also pass. Eventually your boat stops rocking back and forth and the waters calm. One day, a long time from now, you will look back with affection on this time - even the bad parts. Now you will feel the words of the songs more deeply, and will appreciate the good days more fully. Life will be richer for this experience tho it hurts now. Hugs to you!</p>
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I’m going back to the pre-school I volunteered at last summer soon. The kids are not only completely genuine, they are unconditionally loving and supportive in their own ways. Plus, I get to help them out. A win-win all around! And a great opportunity given the situation.</p>
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I have crazyyy crazy family problems, and family members. 
They do their best but…yeah. I have one or two friends that I can turn to, and I think that’s good enough. Just wanted some wisdom from y’all! :)</p>
<p>Time heals a lot. Keep busy. Have fun with those adorable youngsters this summer. Soon you’ll be focused on college and what to pack and roommates and classes and new friendships.</p>
<p>We’re so sorry that you have to go through this. It will get better. One thing that does help is hard physical activity/exercise. Your body will make more of those “feel good” endorphins. You will have a routine and be forced to take a shower and get dressed, which will actually make you feel better.<br>
Your job with the kiddos may be enough of a work-out - plus it comes with hugs and adoration. Good choice to keep volunteering there.</p>
<p>My college age D just went through this too. She thought she would be with him for the long haul and is really heartbroken. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. It’s hard but it will pass. There are things you can do to meanwhile (as suggested above), and you will be fine, BUT-- as I told my D, you can’t skip over the feelings, as much as you’d like to. I empathize with your feelings of sadness and loss, but those will ease. The first week is the hardest, but fortunately, humans are very resilient!</p>
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Yes, as silly as it sounds I really thought we’d make it at least…past the summer and some into college. I didn’t know it was going to end so suddenly. However, he was pressuring me into sex and felt threatened by my personality and intelligence (he didn’t have much of the latter or the former I soon discovered despite him being a dear human to me).<br>
Que ser</p>
<p>I also recommend regular physical exercise-at the gym, go for a run. Those endorphins really do help!</p>
<p>I didn’t think I’d survive the break-up with my college sweetheart. Seriously, there was a time wen the pain was so real that I wondered if it could be health-threatening. It took time and a new relationship to heal. That new relationship tuned into my marriage of 30 years, which has led to a greater life than I could have hoped for. Looking back, there’s no doubt that a long-term relationship with the original college sweetheart would have been utterly disastrous - probably a living hell. I couldn’t have known that at the time.</p>
<p>As bad as it feels right now, the time may come when you conclude that this was actually a really fortunate development.</p>
<p>I don’t mean to unnecessarily bump this thread but I was just looking back on it (it’s been a year now), and everything that these posters said was true!
I actually vividly recall writing this post, and, though I think of him fondly now, I can definitely say that we weren’t right for each other in any way, shape, or form…too many personality/goal differentials. Also, I saw I mentioned that “very attractive” guy at the beach who was going to my university. Lo and behold, we actually did end up dating, though that ended in a fiasco as I imagine many of these relations in college do.
So any future heartbroken-for-the-first-time kids/young adults/what have you - it DOES get better and things do happen for a reason. Breathe in, breathe out, and get out there (in any sort of way)!</p>
<p>Good for you! And now you have the opportunity to pay it forward: be sensitive to anyone who crosses your path who’s going through what you went through. Be there for them, share your experience, help them through to the other side of heartbreak. It’s always a wonderful thing if you can take something bad that happened to you and turn it into something good.</p>